October 30, 2005

Not a whole lot happening here. I'm using the month off of ART to try and drop 5 pounds. So far, I'm not doing as well as I would like. My willpower is almost non-existent. But - I am getting out to exercise more, so I just need to get the diet a little better in line and I'll be able to do it. Post Halloween will be tough - everyone brings their extra candy to work. That will be a challenge to avoid. I have to remember my old mantra "does this taste as good as being thin feels?" I'm looking more and more at adoption options - the cost is scary. On the good news front, it looks like DH finally has a contract. The retro check should put us where we need to be to start househunting. The question then will be - should we wait another year to have an even bigger downpayment? It may end up being a moot point as the retro checks may not arrive until about when we have to renew our lease or move. That may make the decision for us. The thought of packing up and moving again is not pleasant - but at least I know the next time will be the last time for about 20 years!

October 24, 2005

We had a football weekend. Saturday we got rained on at UCONN, Sunday we got a thrilling victory in the Meadowlands. I love my Giants, I just wish they wouldn't wait until the last second to win the game!

I'm doing better dealing with last week's negative results. I have my moments though when I just feel like bawling my eyes out. Tomorrow I go meet with the RE for a follow-up visit. I'm afraid he'll tell me I'm done. I really just want one more shot, then we'll give it up.

October 20, 2005

I am really struggling today. I don't know why, but this negative result is harder to take than when I had a chemical pregnancy with the last cycle. Maybe it's because I'm starting to think that it won't work and we won't have children. It could also be that my husband had to work all day yesterday and last night and tonight, so I won't see him again until Friday night when I get home from work.

I wish we could afford to adopt. I would do it in a heartbeat. The problem is, it's expensive, where with the IVF, insurance pays for most of it. If we were younger, it probably wouldn't be a problem. Of course, if I were younger, I would probably be able to get pregnant. The issue for us now is that we want a house. We are saving diligently for that. I also think that we would be in a better position to adopt if we had a house. We should be in a house within the next 2 years. But by then I'll be 46 or close to it. Then we would have to save anew for the adoption. I suppose we could borrow somehow - but we would have just borrowed for a house. Anyway, I just see the years slipping away and adoption not being feasible. I need to adjust to this reality.

October 19, 2005

Negative - it's an ugly, depressing word. I'm beginning to think that the positive result is not going to happen for me. We'll give it one more shot, but then that's it.

October 17, 2005

Tomorrow is b-day. I go for my beta test aka pregnancy test. I'm nervous. I have decided that whatever the outcome is, I need to start eating healthier. If it's negative, I'll also get my butt back to the gym. If it is negative, we are taking a month off. My goal will be to lose 5 pounds in that month - should be very do-able. If it's positive - a whole new world begins for us.

Work issues - stupid people, obnoxious people, lazy people, greedy people - all driving me up a wall. There are the ones who show up to work 15 minutes early, spend that 15 minutes getting their coffee and chatting and then want to be paid OT for the 15 minutes. But - when they show up 15 minutes late - well - don't dock me! Or how about the "public policy" people who just hate taxation and government workers and look to pick fights with us and want to show how incompetent we all are and how we are ignorant, etc. Well - aside from the 15 minute club - they are so off base. And it's just so much fun when they get all high and mighty with you when they have no right to do so, but there is just nothing you can say to convince them that they are wrong. After all - they are never wrong. And the sky is green.

Which brings me to - beautiful blue skies!!! What a lovely sight! Three days in a row there has been visible blue sky! After 8 days of rain, it's such a fabulous sight.

October 12, 2005

Since my last post - the good, the bad and the funny. The transfer went well - after they made me lose some of my uncomfortably full bladder 3 times. That was the funny - and the good. When I arrived, one of the nurses told me that I looked too happy to be uncomfortably full. She made me - well strongly suggested it - drink more water. Then when the RE said I was too full - well, I couldn't help but laugh. We transferred 4 eggs of varying sizes and qualities. Hopefully there's a keeper in there! D-day - or is it P-day is next Tuesday.
After resting for the weekend, on Monday I was off to my first board meeting for my professional organization. I was a bit nervous, being a newbie, wondering if I really had the credentials to be there, etc. I guess I did okay. I got a call from one of the officers today thanking me for speaking up on an issue, telling me "good job." In the next year or so, I'll need to start thinking about whether or not I want to try to become President. I wonder sometime if they (the powers behind the throne) already have their eye on someone in my class, hoping to groom them to become President. What if it's me? What if I get pregnant? Would that squash that? Would I squash it? Anyway, the meeting was another part of the good.
The bad? Getting home. Delayed flights. Annoying neighbor on the plane. Her carryon? A pizza! She's telling people they can't put stuff in our overhead bin because they'll crush her pizza.
That's not the real bad though. The Yankees lost. Freakin' A-Rod and Matsui picked a fine time to slump. Time to focus on the Giants.

October 7, 2005

I've been neglectful. Life has been eventful in the babymaking area. A week ago, went to the RE and he was only counting 3 follicles that would make it to harvesting, so he said we are going to do IUI. I go back Sunday thinking I am going to trigger that morning for a Mon/Tues IUI. The doctor walks in and starts talking IVF. Okay. He says the nurses convinced him he was being too strict. Okay. We get on with the ultrasound. I was really in good spirits. We joked about my lagger ovary. Well, it wasn't lagging anymore. I had blossomed over the weekend. I now had 6 candidates! Granted that wasn't as good as the 13 I had going into the last egg retrieval - but way better than 3! So - egg retrieval was Tuesday. Everything went smoothly. All 6 were mature, all fertilized natural, 4 of them looked good as of Wednesday. I go for the transfer today. I have not gotten a call cancelling, so there's at least one to transfer. All it takes is one - right? I'll keep repeating that and maybe believe it some day. So - we go on - PIO shots in the butt each morning, pills, pills, pills each night. The shots are the icky part. The needle is big. It doesn't hurt - except to look at it! :) After, I just feel like I pulled a muscle. I can deal with that. Once again, I realize how lucky I am to be married to my husband. He is just wonderful with all of this. He takes care of me. He does my shots when he is home. He's just the best. I love him so much!