I lost my baby just about two weeks ago. It's been a struggle since. The physical issues have mostly gone, but emotionally I just don't know where I am. I think that part of my problem is accepting that it's okay to be grieving. There is something in me that feels like I should be able to get over this. I think that's maybe because I had to go back to work so soon after. I wasn't able to stay home and work through it, but had to be back at work the Tuesday after it happened. My husband has been wonderful. He's my rock. I've always known that I loved him very much - but each day since we lost our baby, I have fallen more deeply in love with him. The way he has cared for me has just been awesome. Whether it's holding me as I cry, kissing me gently, telling me that he loves me, making me breakfast, calling to check up on me or telling me how sexy I am - he does so much to help me feel better. I worry about him. I worry that I'm not taking good care of him. He tells me that talking to the guys at the firehouse really helps. The fire department really is a brotherhood. I am so thankful for them. I'm seeing a counselor. That, I think, is helping. I've actually seen two. I went to see our counselor from work and my RE wanted me to see someone they know who specializes in fertility issues. I decided to see both and then pick the one I felt would be most helpful to me. That sounds a little funny when I think about it - like test driving counselors. Anyway, the one the RE recommended is nice and said some things that really helped - but I don't think her expertise in fertility issues helps. I need help with grief just as much as I do with facing the infertility problem. So, I'm sticking with my work counselor.
I am heading up to visit my mother next weekend. I think that will be very good for me to be with her. Mother-love is a wonderful medicine! Also, she lives near a beach and walking on the beach has always been a very calming activity for me. Plus, she's been sick. She was in the hospital earlier this week with a kidney stone. So my visit will be a chance for me to help her out too.
I suppose that's all for now. I'm ready to hunker down this weekend and wait out the storm. Blizzard warnings - yikes!
