Pictures...

I haven't posted any pictures in a while - so here goes a few. We'll start with pictures from our wedding, since Tuesday was our 3rd anniversary.

Then we'll add some of Boomer and our garden for good measure. One picture shows Boomer riding in the truck, his head propped up sleeping as we drive to the Cape. The other shows him getting caught sleeping on the couch with A. The flowers are dahlias and a rose. The yellow ones are dinner plate dahlias. I've posted them before - they get like 7 inches across.

Random Monday thoughts

I'm down under 150! Yay! I figure 1 pound a week is a reasonable goal.

Have I mentioned that my dog does Chewbacca type noises? We've made a real effort to get him to stop barking at us. It's okay to bark at intruders, but not at us to indicate he wants something. So - we've been pretty successful. Instead of barking, he know does the Chewbacca things. He talks to us. Sometimes it's so funny sounding, I have to laugh.

I had a weird dream last night. In the planning for my mother's 75th birthday party, someone decided that we would have an American theme. So my sister said that she would not be making Swedish meatballs for the party - after all, they are Swedish not American. I had a total meltdown. Over meatballs.

Both the Yankees and Giants won yesterday. UCONN & the Yankees won on Saturday. Good sports weekend here.

I thought the new season of Desperate Housewives was starting last night. not until next week. But - premieres do start tonight - can not wait!

What if?

A & I were walking the dog the other night and passed one of the homes in our neighborhood that had recently sold. It had been on the market when we were buying, but was above our price range. We didn't really like it too much anyway, as it had a tudor style, but white siding and a roof in dire need of replacement. So - as we approach this house the other night, we see that the new owners have begun ripping off the siding. Underneath was stucco and lovely tudor markings - or whatever you call the wood in tudors. A says "Had I known that was under there I would have been interested in buying that house." That of course leads to the old "what if we had bought that house" kind of thought. We've had that thought with other homes. What if we had waited a few months to buy. The house that was listed at $100k over our price range steadily dropped in price to where it was listed within our price range in 6 months. What if we had waited and bought that house. It's bigger, has more bathrooms and has a bigger yard. What if. But then - I say - well it's across the street from a school - right across from the driveway. Would we really want to be dealing with that traffic? What ifs don't always have an answer that leads you to know you made the right decision.

I've been thinking on this topic the last few days - some of the other "what ifs" in my life. What if I had gone to a larger, co-ed college? Would I still be living within an hour of my childhood home? Would I have met and married someone in college? Would my career path have been the same? Would I know have kids in college or grad school? Maybe even be planning a wedding for a child?

What if I had stuck to my original plan to study nursing in college instead of thinking pre-med? Would I have stuck with it? Would I be good at it? Where would I be career-wise? Would I have been happy?

What if my father had not died when I was in college? Would I be who I am now? Would I have gone to school for my masters in South Carolina as originally planned? Where would I be living? Would my parents have moved to Cape Cod or Florida?

What if I had decided to have a child on my own, using a sperm donor before getting married? Would it have been a good life for me and my child? What if I decided to never diet again and just accept whatever weight I ended up at? Could I be happy? What if I hadn't lost that paycheck 20 years ago? I still think about that $200 in cash - what I could buy with it. What if I had bought my first condo in Bethel or New Milford instead of Woodbury? What if I had taken the job in California instead of the city in CT? What if we had gotten the Bridgeport account at MSDW? What if I had gone to Paine Webber? What if I had gotten the MDC job?

What if I had no miscarriages? What if we hadn't adopted Boomer?

What if I had been too hung up on the age difference to say yes to A? I just can not imagine that one. What if I had met A 8 years earlier? I like that one. I think that A and I were meant to be. Had we met 8 years earlier, we would have still fallen in love and gotten married. I like to think we would have had several children as well. The downside to us meeting 8 years earlier is another what if - What if A had been on duty on 9/11? I could not bear to know the answer to that one.

In the end, I think I'm in a good place. I love my husband dearly and can not imagine being with anyone else. I really like our house. It would be nice to have something bigger - like the one on the street behind us that is now listed at our purchase price - but that one's on a busy street and maybe their neighbors aren't as great as ours. So - if I could "get" any of my "what ifs", it would be to not have had a miscarriage and for my father not to have died. Totally understandable.

Bulky Waste Day

Today is bulky waste day in my neighborhood. It's kind of neat to see what people put out. You can see who has replaced their old computer or sofa. You know who has done a lot of yard work recently. I like bulky waste day. As a resident I like it. As a finance director - bulky waste days are expensive. My town does it EVERY WEEK! As a homeowner - it's great. Whatever you want to get rid of - put it on the sidewalk. It's gone - either a scavenger will pick it up or the public works crew. My contribution this week is a few old knickknacks, a plastic mail tray and a dead bunny. Before you get the wrong idea about my doggie - he did not kill the bunny. Not that he didn't want to, but he's innocent. I found it dead in our front yard this morning. I feel bad for the bunny and his extended bunny family, but it should be a little easier taking the dog out at night now that there's no bunny for him to chase.

Continuing with the bulky waste theme - don't you wish we could have a bulky waste day for our life problems, work issues, relationships, family members? This week I would throw my brother's wife on the bulky waste pile. Oh heck - who am I kidding - I would throw her out there any week. Maybe actually today I wouldn't put her out there because it happens to be my brother's birthday. (I sent a card. Mailed it Monday so he should have it on time, unlike the card he sent me.) I might throw the Giants defense on the bulky waste pile too. I would like to add a couple of board members, my weight problems, my knuckle cracking habit and my flabby arms. If only it were that easy.

Happy Thought for the Day....I love my morning walks with the dog in this weather. It's cool and crisp out. It feels so fresh and new. I love that we have the world mostly to ourselves.

Life List #7 Beat my older sister at Monopoly or Risk - either one - doesn't matter, so long as I WIN!

Really Important People

I saw someone really important today. I have no idea who he is - but he's definitely important. He does not have to stop at stop signs and he can park wherever he wants. Today he parked in a space reserved for the elderly, but because he's really important, it doesn't matter that he is, at worst, middle aged. This town I work in is full of really important people and their really important children. You know them - the kind that park in fire lanes because they are so important they just have to be able to get in and out fast. Or they park behind someone else, trapping them because clearly, those other people are just on the bottom of the food chain and no where near as important as said really important people. Then there's the really REALLY important people. They get to park in the handicapped spots because it would be dreadful if that really REALLY important person was not able to get in and do his business as fast as possible. Let me tell you - I would like my doggie to do his business on that really important person's car!

TGIF

Really - TGIF! That's my happy thought for the day - do we need more? The auditors leave today - not that it's all done - but the big pressure is off. I am going to have a weekend! I am going to sleep late tomorrow. Did you hear that Boomer? I do love my dog. I think he's very cute. But - when he get's up at 4 am and wants to play, roam the house, lick my face, lick A's face - then he's not quite so cute. I am not going to work tomorrow. In fact, I'm going to the UCONN game and I plan to have fun! Did you hear that UCONN? You need to win - that's part of the having fun part. I have been saving my "bonus points" on weight watchers so that I can indulge a little on Saturday. I don't want to go too far though - just a couple of beers and a bigger lunch than I would normally have. That's all.

Just some generic comments on life

• people need to learn how to merge onto a highway. That should be covered in driver's ed.
• kids will play with anything that amuse them - last night one of our friend's stopped by with his 8 year old - the kid was happy as could be just clomping around with one of A's boots on
• I think I could be happy with only 3 seasons - spring, summer and fall - if I had to, I would make do with 2 of the 3 and would happily give up summer if I could have spring and fall all year
• pink is a good color for me, I should wear more of it
• every house should have a front porch - they are just the best thing for a neighborhood

It's Hump Day!

Thank heavens! Halfway through the worst of the audit too!! That's one happy thought for the day. Happy thought #2 is from yesterday. I had gotten up to start my day, left the dog in bed with A. I came back into the bedroom to find the dog spooning A. I wish I had my camera. It was so cute. He even had his little leg up on A, just like I would. Totally adorable. Happy thought #3 - my return to WW is working! I'm not feeling too too hungry and I'm down almost 3 pounds. I know it's all water weight - but I feel encouraged. Saturday will be a test as we'll probably be tailgating before the UCONN game, but I'm going to gain myself some points by being active and I'm trying not to use up too many of my 35 "extra" points for the week, so that I can be a little bad on Saturday.

Yesterday was hard for A, harder than the last several 9/11 anniversaries have been. I think it's because he's back in Mid-town, at a company that lost quite a few guys on 9/11. For the previous several years, he's been in Harlem in a house that lost no one - although 2 of the guys lost their brothers. It's not quite the same. Memorials are slightly different, no pictures or placques of the 9/11 dead in the firehouse - so I think that's what hit him. That, and it was a Tuesday for the first time. Thank God it wasn't a gorgeous day like it was in 2001.

Life List #6. Knit something - anything - that is not simply stockinette or garter stitch.

Oh - and re: LL#5 - I mean to go to a game in each ballpark. There's one ballpark that I visited, but did not watch a game, so I'm not counting that.

9/11 Six Years On

I'll probably add to this post during the day - adding thoughts as they come to mind. First though - I want to start with this tribute that was published in Pensions & Investments magazine on 10/15/2001 in an ad from Progress Investment Management Company (trying to give proper credit.) I've tried to stay true to the original formatting.

Tribute
Some things can not be adequately expressed, yet cry desperately to be told
told to those you know and love
to those you meet in passing
told to the children of today
and to those who are yet unborn
You need to tell them what you saw that day
And make them see....

the ones who fought with hand and axe
and took the stairs by twos,
who looked into the face of death
and stayed its hand,
if only for a moment,
with a calm ferocity of spirit

the ones in uniform and those without
who vanished in the coming of a madman's dream
the fatherless...the motherless...the childless who remain to mourn them

Tell them of the great heart of a great people
And let them ask, and let them hear your answers.

To our friends and colleagues at the New York City Fire Department
To the men and women of the Police Department and emergency medical services
To all who have sacrificed and those who will.
We will tell your stories.
We will remember.

**********************************************************************
My younger sister has never been an early bird. Thank God for that - it may have saved her life on 9/11. My sister worked on the 89th floor of 1 WTC (the first hit). 5 of her co-workers were there in the building that day. All survived. They had all been in the back rooms of the office and managed to get out a back door. They said the front offices - where my sister's was - were all engulfed in flames.

And the winner is....

weight watchers. I decided that would be the easiest for me to manage. I'm on my third day and so far, so good. I've had moments of "I'VE GOT TO EAT SOMETHING BAD FOR ME AND NOW" but I'm managed to overcome them. Tonight, I plan to get myself some veggies to cut up and use for snackage. I think that I may try to mix some of the South Beach principles in there - can't hurt - right?

My doggie has kennel cough - got it at the kennel! Poor puppy. He really doesn't like taking his meds, but we're getting them in him. The cough medicine makes him drowsy. It's kind of funny to see him zonk out! Being the mean old nasty selfish peoples that we are, we give him the evening dose shortly before bed time! Hey - he's got to take the medicine - no reason we shouldn't benefit from it too!

The audit is upon me. It doesn't seem too bad so far. I got a lot done over the weekend to prepare. I have only a few entries left and the footnotes, md&a and transmittal. Half of that stuff usually waits until later anyway. The good old BOE is holding me up on stuff - pain in my butt.


Happy Thought for the Day - I will get to sleep with A. every night for the next two weeks.

Life list
5. Visit every major league baseball park. (I have been to 5 so far, if I count stadiums that are now closed.)

...for tomorrow I may diet...

yup - got to start - the fat pants are getting snug - so tonight I party, for tomorrow I may diet

What the heck happened? I was doing well, in a groove, staying pretty stable - then August happened. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Seriously though - let's add it up...

• golf outing - copious amounts of beer and other fun food
• 3 different Fire Department pickups - yup - copious amounts of beer and fun food
• vacation at Mom's - appetizers every night and copious amounts of wine
• my birthday - birthday cakes, birthday dinners, birthday drinks, etc

I have to figure out how I am going to do this. I've done Weight Watchers and South Beach before and both work. I do wish I had stuck with the South Beach Diet, but when we moved, I got slack. I've tried going back - but something always gets me off track. It's a guaranteed winner and it is healthy eating. But - breakfast is a toughie. A is off to rescue school for two weeks, which means I will have morning dog duty 4 days a week which in turn means limited time for breakfast preparation - unless, that is, I want to get up early or otherwise alter my morning routine. I am a creature of habit. I think it goes with being a Virgo - I need to stick to my routines. So - if I do SB starting now, that means figuring out something for breakfast other than scrambled eggs 4 days/week. It also means I really should do salads for lunch - that's been the best for me when on South Beach.

I could do Weight Watchers again. Again - healthy eating habits and it makes you consider your options, which is really good practice. I don't want to go to meetings though. If there isn't the dreaded weigh-in with a person other than myself - so that I can't lie or fudge - will I stick to it? Was that a key factor in WW working for me in the past? That need to please the weigh-in woman? I suppose if I think that's key, A could weigh me in. Can't trust the Boom Doggie to do that, he's not good with numbers. The other thing with WW is that you have to be dilgent and record everything you eat and you have to calculate points. I think I would have to sign up for the online program. Advantage SB here - no cost. WW has an advantage in that there are basically no banned foods - not even alcohol! I do think though, looking back on my August history, that I should stay off the sauce for a bit as I'm sure that was a major factor in my weight gain.

I don't like the Atkins diet. I could do the Special K thing, Special K for two meals a day and watching what I eat in between. I just don't see myself doing Jenny Craig or Nutri-system. I don't really like the idea of dieting by eating their food. What happens when you are done losing and need to transition back to preparing your own food? I've done hypnosis - and that really worked. I could do it again, I still have my tape. The thing is, in the tape, the hypnotist refers to me getting healthy as I'm trying to get pregnant. Do I want to listen to that? Reality is that we are still trying and it was after doing the hypnosis and losing some weight that I did get pregnant - so maybe I should dig that out.

I'm not sure what else is out there. I don't really trust myself to just "eat sensibly" in order to lose weight. I've also started doing some weight lifting and pilates again to help me be more fit. I need to kick up the cardio. The dog walks are not quite doing it. I'm thinking it would be good for all three of us - me, A and Boomer - to get out there for longer walks. Maybe this will be the time I maintain my weight level for a good long time. Hey - it could happen. Really.

When do I get over it?

Ever? My baby would be a year old now. Will there come a time when I don't look back and think "oh - my baby would be xx age now"? Part of me hopes yes, part hopes no. I don't ever want to forget that little life that A and I loved so well, that we had for far too short a time. It was way too early for us to know the sex, but I've always thought it was a little boy.

No happy thoughts today. I'm just going to get through the day. It will be busy, so that's good.

Important Question....

Are bitches born that way or are they made that way? And I'm not talking about dogs. Same thing about know-it-alls. Did they come out of the birth canal like that? Or is it something that developed over the years. And hypocrites? What about them?

Happy thought for the day - maybe for life - I think that A. volunteered to clean the bathroom from now on - for life. I hate cleaning the bathroom, especially the toilet. Now if I can get him to dust - my life will be complete!

Life list - what number am I on?

4. Play golf at Pebble Beach. Very do-able.

back to work

Well, it was a lovely 3 days off. Although I wasn't really off - I ended up working on the financials on Monday. Still, it was nice not to HAVE to do stuff.

I'm working on my happy thought for the day and not coming up with anything that I'm particularly happy about. It's not that I'm sad - I think it's just that I have a lot to get done at work this week.

WAIT! HAPPY THOUGHT! The new HR Director started today so I won't have to be doing HR work for much longer. Indeed a happy thought!