On a happier note...

Christmas generally went well.  I understand fully now what a pain it is for my mother and sister to travel to NY/CT for the holidays all the time.  It was nice to be on the Cape for Christmas - beautiful and quiet out there in the winter.  But I was sad to be away from A, who was working.  We had a family dinner Christmas Eve which was really nice.  One of the neighbors who was alone joined us.  The next day - Christmas - the Boom Doggie and I headed back home to NY.  I headed across the street to the neighbors who had invited us for dinner.  A arrived just after we sat down to eat.  It was a fun evening.  Good food and good friends.  The next day - the blizzard.  We survived.  I worked the snow blower!  Yay me!  A did most of the work, but I did help some.  I made bread during the storm - it was the one thing we didn't have in the house.  I had to improvise the recipe a little - but it was yummy - and smelled so good baking.  It was a little oddly shaped, but still enjoyable.  I did not feel the least bit sorry for the jerk neighbors having to shovel themselves out.  After the husband's party the week before where he and his buddies woke me up 4 times between midnight and 4 am, I told A that we were not helping them with any snow removal this year.  Especially since when I said something to said neighbor at 4 am that night, he waved me off like "buzz off".  Well, happy shoveling buddy.    Boomer ventured out into the snow, not realizing how deep it was.  That was funny.  Unfortunately, I failed to get it on film.  At first.  I did get it later - kind of made him go back out - but I screwed up and didn't put the thingie on my camera which helps block the sun.  So, white dog in blinding white snow - doesn't show up so well.  I did get some great pictures of the little boy across the street playing in the snow.  I asked his dad if it was okay for him to do snow angels so I could get a picture.  I didn't want to encourage him if they would get upset at him getting all snowy.  Later in the day, A and I got a call from the good neighbors asking for help to shovel out an older couple down the street.  So, off we went.  It felt good to help someone out - someone who needed it and deserved it.  Now, the Boom Doggie is off in doggie daycare, we'll be off to Arizona for the football game.  The weather will be better than here - but not by much!  No shorts - but that's okay since my legs are pasty, winter white right now.  Hoping for a good game - GO UCONN!

Merry Fucking Christmas or Why I'm Glad We're Not Seeing the In-laws For the Holiday

I got a text from my brother-in-law this morning.  "Make sure to check A*'s blog today."  (A* would be the nephew, their almost two year old.)  I had a bad feeling.  I just had a bad feeling what was going to be on the blog.  They are expecting again.  Merry Fucking Christmas.  Just a freaking reminder of my failure.  Just in time for the holidays.  I know that I will love the niece/nephew to be - but their success is a reminder of my inability to have children.  It's not their fault.  But that doesn't mean I'm not sitting here with tears running down my face as I type this.  And I must add - what an asshole way to tell family that you are expecting another child - an announcement on your fucking blog?  So now, I'm really glad that we insisted on no second Christmas this year.  At least I won't have to deal with it for a while.  I can go to my mother's today for a few days and be safe.
I just wanted children so much and while I'm finding my way to living a happy life without children, I don't think it will ever stop hurting on some level.

Happiness is...

...a Christmas tree.  I had not planned to put up our Christmas tree this year.  We are not hosting the holiday and I thought it was just too much work putting it up and taking it down (mainly taking it down) when we would be the only ones to see it.  I came home from work Tuesday night, and A had put up the tree with just the topper and a single garland - the tree is pre-lit.  It was so pretty, just simple.  And he did it because he loves me.  Am I the luckiest girl in the world or what!

Friday Photos

Today - a collection of outtakes from previous Christmas card shoots - starring Boomer of course.  The last picture is the one going on our cards this year - a nice snow scene.

Happiness is...

...going bowling.  Not ten pin, not duckpin, but BCS FOOTBALL BOWLING!  UCONN won the Big East and is headed to the Fiesta Bowl - and so are we!!  It's a tad expensive - but who knows when we'll be back in a BCS bowl, so we are doing it.  When they won the game Saturday night - on a 52 yard field goal with only 17 seconds left no less - I thought I might pass out from the sheer excitement of the moment.  A was working, so Boomer and I were high-fiving it alone.  I did my part to help the team, wearing what I know consider to be my "lucky away game watching shawl" formerly known as my shetland triangle shawl. 

My attempt at being Miss Manners

I have some ideas on how to be a good guest that I want to share.  Don't you just love it!

• Don't make yourself too much at home.  If eating, ask your host before eating anywhere but the kitchen table or dining room table.  In fact, if there is a kitchen table, ask before eating even at the dining room table.
• Don't change the channel on the TV without asking, even if your host is not in the room.
• Don't be so attached to your electronic devices that they must always be plugged in and at your side.  And for sure, don't leave them plugged in, then abandon them on the seating or eating surfaces.
• Your host should ask to take care of your outer garments, but if they don't, ask where you should put them.  If a dinner is imminent, sure as heck don't leave your coat sitting on the back of one of the chairs at the table.
• If you are an overnight guest, be mindful of the bathroom situation.  If you have your own guest bath - you're cool.  Just keep it clean.  If the bathroom situation is limited, think about timing of your shower, etc.
• If you are an overnight guest, when leaving you should ask what to do with soiled linens or you should remake the bed.  If you removed things from the bed, replace them after remaking it.
• If you are a dinner guest and you offer to bring something, heed your host's instructions on what to bring.  Do not bring food/drink items that you weren't asked to bring and expect them to be served.  This is not to be confused with thoughtfully bringing food or drink items as a hostess gift that are intended to be consumed by your hosts at another time. 
• Do not arrive early.  Arriving on time, in my opinion, includes arriving within 15 minutes of the requested arrival time.  Anything more than 30 minutes late is just plain rude.
• Offer to help clean up.  Expect to be told no - in fact, you should be told no - but offer.
• Don't expect to be given leftovers to take home.  Let the host offer.  Showing up with plastic containers is not advised.
• If your host is falling asleep on the couch, it might be time to leave.  Of course, it's rude of your host to be falling asleep on the couch when guests are still present.

So, those are my thoughts.  Any one want to add to the list?

It's not Friday but...I feel like posting pictures

I've been working on a project since January.  It's an afghan, knit a block at a time.  I'm almost done.  I have 16 blocks done, but I think I want 20 to make it a little bigger.  I've laid out all the completed ones below.  And featured a couple of them.  The last 4 will be relatively simple so that I can finish them fast and get them all sewn together with a border before Christmas.  Some of the blocks are very intricate with cables.  Some are relatively easy.  There is at least one with lace too.  I picked colors that reminded me of the ocean.  Tow of the blocks have ocean themes - a sailboat and a lighthouse.  This will be a gift for my sister, for her beach house.

I wish it were tomorrow already

This day started out with some promise.  A worked last night, but he was supposed to be home tonight.  I was looking forward to that.  He's now paying back a tour he owed.  Part of life.  Not so bad.  He has to work Saturday, so he'll be missing the final UCONN home game.  I'm going to go.  Friends sit right in front of us, so it's not like I'll be alone. But still - that's where the day started turning.
So, I go for my annual ob/gyn visit.  The receptionist was a little unhelpful.  She tells me if nothing has changed on my information sheet, to initial and date at the bottom under my signature.  Well - two signatures, one for release of information to insurers and one for something else.  I ask - which one do I have to initial.  She just repeats "initial and date under your signature" me "but there are two, which one do I need to initial"  again she just repeats "initial and date under your signature" me "but there are two" her "it doesn't matter" okay fine.  Bitch. Then I wait.  and wait. and wait.  My appointment was for 10:40.  I know never to expect the doctor to be on time, but still - didn't get taken in the back for the mammogram until after 11.  Finally see the doctor at 11:40.  One hour after my scheduled appointment.  Oh wait.  He was up in Labor & Delivery.  I need to find a Gyn who doesn't do OB.
Okay - I'm out of there, heading to pick up my car.  (They do valet parking.) As I'm approaching the door, people come out of the elevator, one lady - looked like a drug sales lady - and a mom, dad & brand new baby.  The sales lady preceded me out the door, so when the valet arrived and asked who was next - I pointed to her.  New dad has now come out and is clearly going to attempt to jump the line.  I make sure he doesn't by quickly handing my ticket to the valet.  But, wait.  New dad is important, me not so much in new dad's mine.  As the valet is starting to go get my car - new dad shoves his ticket at the valet and says "my car is right here".  Okay - logic says yeah, won't take long to take care of new day - but  FUCK that.  I was here first.  Yeah well, I'm not important.  I'm not a new parent.  Even though my forehead is not stamped "INFERTILE" it felt like one of those times where I'm made to feel less worthy since I am not a parent.  New dad kind of tried to make a sort of apology "I thought it would be easy my car is right here" I just stared right through him.  Mother fucker.
So, I'm not a happy camper.  Get in my car and really, just want to cry.  I want something to make me feel better.  Getting back to work, I stop by the vending machine hoping for some sympathetic chocolate bar to be calling my name.  Nothing spoke to me.
So, now I'm back at my desk, plotting what I can get on my way home that will be "feel good" food.  And I'm thinking about Thanksgiving.  It's not the dinner that I"m worried about - it's when the discussion of "no two Christmases" comes up.  A thinks his mother gets it, which I'll believe when I see it.  The problem now seems to be his brother.  He wants us to come have dinner at their parents sometime while he's up over Christmas.  Um hello.  You are going to see us at Thanksgiving.  You go months without seeing us during the year and now you have to see us twice within a month?  I'm not having it.  And you're telling me that this is not a second Christmas celebration?  I'm really not having it.  I'll be driving back from the Cape on Christmas Day.  I am not getting back in a car to drive 2 hours back towards the Cape the day after - and then home again.  And I'm certainly not doing it on a week night after work.  No two Christmases means just that.  Some years we won't be able to see one family or the other for Christmas or Thanksgiving.  That's life.  I recognize that as my mother ages, she's less willing to make the trip from the Cape to our home for a holiday.  So some years, I won't see her and/or my sisters for one or the other holiday.  My mother gets it.  I get it.  This is not the first Thanksgiving where I have not been with my family.  I don't think that I've had a Christmas where I didn't at least see my mother - but I know it's coming.  I guess what pisses me off about the whole thing is the selfishness of it.  Two years ago we were spending Christmas with my family.  A's family (read his mom) had to have some kind of  Christmas gathering with everyone together, so they told us they would come to our house Christmas Day before we went to my cousin's home.  Note that I said told, not asked or suggested.  We weren't given the option.  We agreed, said that they needed to be there by a certain time because we would need to leave by a certain time.  Well, they showed up an hour late and then lingered, to the point where we had to say "we need to leave."  Pissed me off.  And now, I'm a little stressed about our edict of "no two Christmases" this year.  I could be borrowing trouble where there is none.  I've done it before.  BIL may drop it, but I'm not counting on it.
So, anyway.  I'm thinking some pizza - and not weight watchers.  Some kind of cake - maybe those little yellow cupcakes with yummy frosting.  And wine.  That could very well be my feel good dinner tonight.  Or - on the healthier side, a nice spinach souffle if I can find a frozen one.  But still the cupcakes and the wine.

Friday Photos

It's been a while since I posted photos!  So - we have a collection here of knitting, nature & Boomer of course.  First off are the things I knitted for my cousin's baby momma's shower - a little hat, booties and a kimono. 

Here we have my UCONN ear flap hat that I knit.  It went to the Pitt game - it's a winner!

A nature shot - just a tree in our neighborhood.

Some shots of Boomer engaging in one of his favorite activities - lazing in the sun.  I wish I had done a better job with these shots - used the camera thingie that prevents the sun from washing out the shot.

 The grass isn't really that high, the yard just slopes down to the garden and he's basically laying in the edge of the garden.

November 18, 1981

Twenty-nine years ago today, my father suffered a heart attack and died.  It's hard to believe that it has been so long.  He was too good to die that young.  At the time, people tried to make sense of it.  They tried to see some positive in how he wouldn't have wanted to see some of the things that happened in our hometown after he passed.  But there are no positives when someone so good dies so young.  I miss you Daddy.  I love you.

Good company, a little wine, it's all good

So, I went to my cousin's baby momma's shower this weekend.  I'm not a big fan of baby showers - aside from them being boring, they can make me mournful as I will never be having one.  This one wasn't so bad, thanks to the company I was in and the wine I drank.  I sat with my sister, our cousin's wife L. and a couple of cousins of our cousin the baby daddy.  We had some really good laughs and some good chocolate.  We had to play this game where they read a clue about babies and you had to pick the candy bar that went with it.  First clue - a baby girl's name.  L's answer "Chunky".  And you had to hear the way she said it.  Another clue was "things you cover your baby's face with".  My sister's answer "Mounds" thinking breasts when you breastfeed?  Oh the laughter.  Then I pointed out that one of the candy bars listed was Skor.  I figured the clue would be something like "what got you in this position in the first place."  I wasn't far off - clue was "what happened the night of conception" and "what daddy said".  In between laughing at the answers, sneaking red velvet cake truffles from the dessert table and another cousin's snarky comments via text messaging, I survived.
The situation itself is still a little awkward.  This was not a planned pregnancy - at least not by the baby daddy - we're thinking the baby momma did some planning.  They were engaged two years ago, but my cousin broke it off because she was not interested in getting a real job.  She's content to babysit here and there, make her jewelry which she sells at craft fairs, etc.  Wasting a college degree in education mind you!  At some point, he let her move in with him.  Not smart if you ask me - not if you hope to find someone else to marry eventually.  And as for not wanting a child with her - well shoot - don't leave it up to her.  Keep your pecker in your pocket or at least under wraps.  Don't leave it up to her - who has a couple of sisters who have taken this route to motherhood in the past!  What really seems off about the whole thing to me is that her family does not seem in the least bit to be treating this as anything other than a planned, welcome pregnancy.  And we know it's not. 
Anyway, I survived the shower.

Father Bernie Dolan

Father Bernie Dolan was one of a kind.  He was my high school religion teacher.  He also resided at my parish for a number of years, so I went to many Masses said by him.  He would tell his students to call him Bernie.  He had a wicked sense of humor.  The class he taught juniors was officially something like "Comparative Religions" but I recall calling it something like "201 standard brands of religion".  He was really a very good teacher, but not above teasing.  Once, he overheard me talking about another teacher and saying how picky she was.  I said "Picky, PICKY, picky."  Well - I heard that one over and over again.  For one test, our instructions were to write a "very picky" essay on something and a "not picky" essay on another topic.  (BTW he shared my negative opinion of that picky teacher.)  When he would say Mass, his sermons were great.  He actually told you what the author was trying to teach you in the readings.  At a certain point, he started giving a sermon before he would read the Gospel.  He would tell you what to be listening for.  He really was a student of the Bible and a fabulous teacher of the Bible as well.  After my high school years, I sometimes turned to Bernie for advice dealing with family issues or relationship issues.  He was a good counselor.  Bernie was a priest who was human and who knew it.  He didn't not take on airs.  He never acted as though his position in the Church made him special.  He's one of the few priests that I think could truly have understood the issues of marriage without having been married.  Bernie was real.  He had vices - smoke, drank.  You could relate to him and that made him a more effective priest.  He's the kind of priest we all should have gotten an opportunity to experience. 

Bernie passed away on Saturday.  I know that he is with God now.  It is his just reward.

Questions I would like my dog to answer

• Considering that you love to go for walks so much, why do you run away when I try to put the leash on you?
• Why do you think that going outside to do business is worthy of a treat everytime?
• What do you do when we're at work?
• When we go for walks, do you somehow think that this is your last chance to poop ever?
• When you sniff the trees, hydrants, etc, do you recognize the scent?  If you saw one of the dogs that peed there before you later, do you think "I know you, you use the hydrant at the corner of Elm and Main all the time."
• What would you do if you ever actually caught a squirrel?
• Or a bird?
• Why do you like to walk through leaf piles?
• What do you dream about?
• What is it about the garbage men that makes you do nutso?

PSA - Smoke Detectors

This weekend is the time to change the batteries in your smoke detectors.  And if you don't have a smoke detector, for God's sake, go get one.  There was a house fire Wednesday night in the town I work for.  The couple had no smoke detectors.  They are lucky they made it out.  Don't take that kind of chance.

Not in a bathroom, please

I know - strange title for a post - but it's what I'm thinking today.  A co-worker collapsed and died at work yesterday.  He was found in the bathroom.  I don't want to die in the bathroom.  How awful must it have been for him.  DId he know he was dying?  Was it over quickly?  I hope so.  I'm assuming he had a heart attack.  I just can't imagine that happening and being alone in a bathroom, no one to reach out to for help.  So please God, when the time comes, not in a bathroom. 

Godspeed P.  You were a good man, a pleasure to work with and you will be missed.

Happiness is....

....the end - at least for another year - of political ads.  I am so sick of them.  On the radio, on the TV - endless it seemed.  Unfortunately, I live in the tri-state area, so I get NY ads, CT ads and NJ ads.  The worst to me were the Linda McMahon ads.  Not only did I not like her and was totally embarrassed that my home state was considering electing her, but her voice just grates.  As for the results - I'm kind of "eh" about it.  I'm happy with some, not so happy with others.  I'm glad, despite being a good and true Democrat, to see Nancy Pelosi out as Speaker of the House.  I'm not so thrilled that the Orange Man is in - but what can you do.  My biggest concerns were that Carl Paladino and Linda McMahon not get elected - so in those results, I'm happy.

Waiting for November 3rd

That would be the day after Election Day.  I can't wait!  I am so sick of all the political ads on the TV and radio.  When driving in the car, I've taken to changing stations every time I hear a Linda McMahon ad come on.  I change channels or hit mute on the TV as well.  One thing that kills me about these ads - and both parties do it - is the way they use facts and distort them.  A good example is a Tom Foley ad for CT governor.  He talks about Malloy raising taxes and how his budgets had to be reviewed by "an oversight board".  What he doesn't tell you is that the review is done by a Board of Finance and it's not because the budgets were bad or out of line - but that is how the process for budget approval works in Stamford.  It doesn't matter how good or bad the budget is - the BOF is required to review it.  Or when Foley talks about Malloy using a City employee to do work on his house.  Foley doesn't mention that said City employee has a construction business on the side and did the work during his own time (not city time as is implied) and that it was all investigated and no wrong doing found.  They all do this - tell little tidbits of truth but in such a way as to create bad impressions.  The other thing that has been annoying me is the candidates running for US Senate and US Congress saying "I'm going to Washington to create jobs in "  Ummmm - maybe you should for state office if you want to create jobs at home.  Not such an easy deal doing it from DC.  Oh, I know it can be done - by getting projects such as the infamous "bridge to nowhere" approved for your home state.  That's just more pork barrel shit that we don't need.  Generally speaking, people in DC don't create jobs in their home state.  Another pet peeve - "I'm going to run the government like a business."  Yeah.  Right.  Those of us who work in government have heard that so many times over.  Would it be nice if you could?  Sure.  But you can't.  Let's start with Freedom of Information.  No back room deals.  No private agreements.  It's all open.  And then there's purchasing - you can't just hire the guy you've worked with before who you know will do it quickly and well and at a reasonable price.  We're dealing with public dollars, so it all has to be public, rules must be followed, etc.  This is all done to protect the public and make sure taxpayer dollars are properly spent - but there is a cost.  I've
Last thing I'm going to say on the elections - at least for today - I think that anyone in New York who votes for Carl Paladino for governor should have to undergo a psychological examination.  Seriously.

Destined to be frogged

One of our fellow UCONN tailgaters has a cool UCONN hat with ear flaps.  Last year I thought to myself "I can knit something like that."  With Friday's game versus West Virginia our first potential cold game fast approaching, I decided to get down to it.  I found a pattern on Ravelry that I could adapt.  I charted out my stripes and my plan to duplicate stitch UCONN on the front and I cast on.  My gauge should have given me a hat that fit my 22.5 inch head just right.  FAIL.  I finally got to a point where I could kind of try the hat on while it was on the needles.  That sucker is huge.  No two ways about it.  I've been trying to think of a way to salvage the knitting I've put into it so far, but I think that tonight I will be frogging.  Bummer.  I expect that I will put it aside for now, finish the gifts for my cousin's baby momma's shower and reset my earflap hat goal to be the Pitt game on November 11th.  Oh well.

Does it make me a bad doggie mommy if....

.....I suggest to Boomer that he should go chase the squirrel in the yard when I know perfectly well that there are no squirrels in the yard?  I've been kind of doing this of late.  Okay, not kind of.  I've been doing it.  It's fun to see him get all excited and bound across the yard looking for that squirrel.  He looks so freakin' cute doing it!  I'm going to justify it on the basis of it provides him physical and mental exercise.  It's exercising his hunting instincts!  And I get such a kick out of him dashing and bouncing around the yard.

Yarny goodness

I went to Rhinebeck this weekend - aka the Dutchess County Wool and Sheep Festival.  My purpose - to buy yarn.  I went armed with yardages for several different projects.  I didn't buy as much as I would have liked to buy - just could not find the right yarn for the Aran sweater I am planning for myself.  But, I did find some yummy yarn to make a couple of other projects - all for me!  Saturday night, when I got home, I was plenty tired and feeling a little disappointed in my results.  Sunday morning I woke up wishing for real that I had bought more.  I actually for a brief moment thought "I could go back today."  That was really a brief moment.  If I hadn't stayed for the Ravelry party, I don't think I would have been as tired at the end of the day.  But - I'm so glad I stayed for the Ravelry party because I got to meet someone I have known online for about 6 or 7 years.  Weird world the internet has created - isn't it.  It was cool meeting E.  aka Curlyknitter and meeting her friend M.  And the cupcakes were SO good.  And the swag bag was kind of cool too.  So,next year, assuming that UCONN football doesn't interfere, I plan to hit the festival earlier on Saturday, so that I can see more - we did miss at least one barn.  When shopping at something like this, I kind of need to go around and browse first, then come back and buy later.  That's why I need more time.  And maybe next year I won't be as awed by everything I'm seeing.  Sunday is probably an easier day because there are less crowds.  So, in the end I didn't find that special yarn for my Na Craga sweater, but maybe I will in the meantime and maybe that's what I'll be wearing to Rhinebeck next year - along with my lovely Clapotis that's going to be made out of what I did find this year.

OMG! It's Friday and there are photos!

Okay - I've been a real slacker with the photos - but I did shoot some recently.  Starting with the last daisy of the season.  It was a big, pretty one!  Then a couple of my roses.  And of course, as always the star of the show, Boomer.  I was trying to be a little artsy, shooting him through the fence.

Happiness is....

...a side-view mirror.  Yes, you read that right.  Happiness is a side-view mirror.  To be specific, the driver's side mirror.  See - the week before last was bad.  There were the annoying auditors, there was the short staffing and then there was Mom being sick.  The crowning moment was when, as I approached Rentschler Stadium in East Hartford, I tried to cut between lanes a little too quickly and nailed a traffic cone.  Said cone went bounced back up against the back of my mirror, knocking off the cover, then came around the front to smash the glass and knock the mirror loose, just for good measure.  So, since then I've been driving without a side-view mirror on my side.  That is not fun, let me tell you.  The worst was driving home from a golf tournament on Monday on a less-than-well-traveled highway, in the dark, with no driver's side mirror and no cell phone.  Dummy me had left the cell phone home without realizing it.  So, the replacement arrived last night and A, being the wonderful husband he is, went right outside and put the new mirror and cover on.  All is well again.

Happiness is....

.....apparently not on today's calendar.  I'm stressed.  Pain in the ass auditors at work, short staffing, mother sick, weight up.  ARGH!  At least tonight, I will come home to my husband and my puppy dog.  And get kisses from both.  One will even be wagging his tail.

Early Mornings

I'm not a big fan of waking up early, but I have to.  Lately, I've been getting up and taking the dog out for a walk, first thing.  This morning, as we were walking, I was thinking about how enjoyable it is to kind of have the world to yourself in the early morning.  There aren't many people out and about at 6:30 on a cool, late summer morning.  As we walk around the neighborhood, we often see just a single light on in a house.  The quietness is just wonderful.  It makes me happy to start the day, as if at that time, the world is mine and mine alone.  Well - Boomer's too.  I was looking down at him this morning as we walked, his little ears bouncing up and down.  We go at a good pace, but he still is able to check out the world - looking for squirrels and other evil beings.  It's a nice way to start the day.

Happiness is....

...grass growing in my backyard.  The legal kind of course.  After finishing the patio, we used the dirt removed from that space to level out our yard.  We had lots of dips and valleys where water would collect.  Hopefully we've done a decent job of levelling and pitching it so that the water no longer pools and ponds, runs where it should and does not run into the basement!  The squirrels are driving us a little nuts as they dig for nuts in the yard - but the grass is growing.  I can't wait to have stairs again and grass again and to be able to just open the door and let Boomer out into the yard to do his business again.  It's coming!

Remembering 9/11

How we treat 9/11 is different for everyone. I think it should be a solemn day, but I'm closer than some to what happened. I didn't lose anyone I knew that day, but my husband did. I wonder - how many people will stop and think about 9/11/01? Will it be a quick "oh yeah, it's 9/11" moment? Or will it be a more thoughtful, reflective moment. I'm not criticizing those for whom tomorrow doesn't mean much. I don't even think I want 9/11 to ever be a national holiday - after all, what has Memorial Day become but a day for picnics and parades? What do we all do on Veterans' Day? Do we stop to think about those who lost their lives in service of our country? Certainly not like we should. And I knew soon after 9/11/01 that it didn't have the same impact on some people that it did on others. I remember being at a conference about 8 months later and someone used photos of the fireballs coming out of the towers in a talk on disaster preparedness and document retrieval. I sat there stunned, thinking "it's too soon, how can they use the photos so casually". But, this person was from the mid-west, probably had no connection whatsover to the attacks, other than as an American citizen. It wasn't as personal to her. It's not as personal to me as it is to A, who lost friends that day. It impacted us all differently. And that's the way it remains. And as time continues to pass, and generations of children go to school who weren't even alive on 9/11/01, what do we teach them about it? I don't know exactly, but I do know that we owe it to those innocent men, women and children who were killed that day to remember in some way.

Just Random Thoughts

* I love fall. It's starting to feel fall-ish. Walking the dog this morning in the crisp air was so nice. I could go for this kind of weather year round, with maybe a few really hot summer weeks thrown in.
* I saw this guy out jogging the other day. He looked like he was in the 70s. Not age - but the decade. He is older though. He had on too-short shorts, a singlet with a reflective strip on it, and a headband. I was not rude. I did not fall to the ground convulsing in laughter.
* I wish I knew why Boomer shed so much after having a bath.
* I had a dream Tuesday night that I had a baby. A newborn, it may have been premature. Towards the end of my dream, it was no longer a baby, but a puppy. Think the cosmos is trying to tell me something?
* I'm hoping to have back stairs in the next week or so. I'm hoping to have grass in the backyard again too.
* The picnic table that seemed a good idea when my in-laws offered to get us one no longer seems so great. It would fit on the patio, but doesn't really go along with our patio vision.
* If you don't want to get tacky gifts at your wedding, register. While we did get the boss a nice gift, he will have to find it amongst the tackines we plan to pack it in.
* I think that I am addicted to lifesavers.
* I have given up on trying to keep a neat office.
* My audit starts next week. On one level, I know that I have a lot of stuff ready for them, that I'm in good shape, but on the level of the kid still in school and afraid of authority, I fell like I haven't got enough done yet.
* I really hate the way our legal system works sometimes - just sue someone because they'll probably settle even though you are not deserving because settling is cheaper than going to court.
* That dream from Tuesday really has me bothered. It brought up such longings. It was so real. Not fair!
* I just found that Malabrigo has a machine washable worsted weight yarn. Yay!

Still here

I had a blog post kind of written in my head about our trip this past weekend, but decided to wait a day or two for that. Instead, I'm going to post about it just being an ordinary day yesterday. I should have a four year old running around, maybe starting pre-K. But I don't. My due date was 4 years ago yesterday. I didn't think about it until today. We had a busy day yesterday, doing yard work and unpacking from our trip to Michigan. But it wasn't even a case of being too busy to dwell on it. I didn't think about it at all. I don't know how I feel about it. Time hasn't healed the wound - it never will - but the pain isn't as raw and as immediate anymore. I'm getting used to life as it is. Sometimes, I wish that the pain was closer to the surface. Is that weird? I remember feeling the same way as time passed after my father died. In some ways, I thought that feeling more pain would bring him closer to me. In the same way, I'm feeling sad that the pain over losing my baby has faded.

Catching up

I've been a little neglectful. I've had posts written in my head, but never managed to get them into the computer. So - what's been up. The zucchini plant is producing like mad. My first pepper seems to have progressed only so far, then died. I do have another pepper growing and a deal with a co-worker to trade zucchini for peppers. By the way, I have become that person who pawns zucchinis off on everyone. I don't think I'll have to resort to sneaking them onto the neighbor's porch as I seem to have a good outlet for them at work. Had the R1 picnic last week. Lots of people, great to see friends. I really like the other wives. Only bad part was when some of the women got nostalgic for the days when their kids were infants. That was hard for me because I'll never "remember when" like that. Side note - very impressed that two of the firemen brought their infants all by themselves! Anyway - cried on the way home, got a hot fudge sundae to indulge myself. Doesn't heal the pain, but it is something that feels good. The porch will be poured this Friday. Halle-freakin-lujah. I've started knitting the Lace Capelet from Vogue Knitting that I saw and had to have. I should definitely have it done for the R1 dinner dance the end of September. If I work diligently, I may have it done for my boss's wedding on the 13th. We leave in just over a week for the UCONN v. Michigan game. My knitting project for that will be the boneyard shawl. I saw it on someone else's blog and said "I want that. In that color." It's mostly straight stockinette, just with some increases and the occasional garter row, so it should be a good thing to knit in the truck. And - realized this week - it's the BONEYARD shawl. Could it be more fitting? After all - UCONN's team is the HUSKIES! Get it - dog bone, boneyard....
So I will be back to parish hunting soon. Taking a breather after my painful experience with the watermelon story. Mass is not supposed to make you cry, so I'll be moving on, keep trying until I find the good fit.

Where are my watermelons

I went to Mass this morning. Usually it's a very even keel experience. Not so today. As part of his sermon, the priest talked about how in 1st grade, his teacher (a nun) had them all plant in a garden. He was given watermelon seeds to plant. They weren't doing anything. He cried, the nun asked why - and so on. She tells him to pray for the watermelons to go. Next day there are watermelons on his section of the garden. Moral of the story - pray and you shall receive. Well, where the fuck are my watermelons? I prayed plenty over our inability to have children. I'm sick and tired of the whole "have faith and it will work out for you" concept. It doesn't always work out. Some of us never get our watermelons. It was hard to stay for the rest of the Mass. So far, I've dealt with it by eating cake, bawling on the living room floor and now this. Going to be a really sucky day. And while dealing with all this, I read an e-mail from our flip flop wearing jerk of a health director. He's such a freakin' weirdo loser. I am impressed with myself that I sent him a professional, non-pissy e-mail back. But he needs to stay away from me for a while. I'm thinking the sun's not going to be shining in my world real soon.

New Finished Object

This is a log cabin blanket I just finished knitting for friends who are expecting a baby shortly. This version is a Joseph's blankie - as in Joseph and his coat of many colors. The warm colors are on one side and the cool colors on the other. I like it.

Happiness is...

...a yellow crookedneck squash growing! Yay! I've had zucchini up the wazzoo, but no production from my crookedneck squash plant - until this week. Finally, this little baby squash is slowly but surely growing. Now if only the tomato plant would get the message.

Pictures - it's been a while

I tried to put these in good order...These are some shots of our backyard - right now with lots of straw instead of grass thanks to the heatwave, lack of rain and watering restrictions! This may give you some perspective of the gardens. Our lot is about 50 feet wide by 100 feet deep. I'm not sure how deep the backyard is. The house sits 23 feet back from the road. I think we have something like 35 or 40 feet in the backyard - the house is small. Anyway, we have gardens all along the fence and on the side of the garage. We also have a garden alongside the house by the driveway and some on the other side of the driveway. Then there are hydrangea and azaleas in front of the house and some lavender and forsythia on the far side of the house. Also in the pictures - some of my vegetables! And Boomer is in at least one of the shots!

Zucchini!

A bloom on one of the hydrangeas in front. It's such a delicate china blue!

A pepper - that is supposed to be red. Maybe it turns later?

A rose - from the garden on the side of the driveway. It just popped this morning.

waiting for my package

I ordered two things yesterday that I'm very excited about. One is something I've kind of wanted since I got so into knitting - interchangeable needles. I've been looking at a couple of different kinds, reading reviews, user comments. I finally settled on Addi clicks. They are pricey, but I love my Addi needles. I decided against Knitpicks Options, despite the lower price mainly because their tips are so pointy. I do have some Knitpicks needles and the really pointy tips have their place, but for every day workhorse needles, I don't want to be stabbing myself all the time, so I went with the Addis.
The other thing I ordered was yarn for a shawl I plan to knit on our trip to Michigan. It's the boneyard shawl. http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/boneyard-shawl
I got some Rowan Summer Tweed in blueberry. Mmmm - looks so good. The shawl is pretty much just straight stockinette, with a couple of garter bands thrown in there - so should be pretty good truck knitting. I'm excited.

On another note - I will be posting some pictures soon. My main computer is in our home office, which is in the attic. It gets hot up there even with the a/c on. This weekend, I blew the fuse for the attic a couple of times when the 2nd floor a/c unit would fire up. It got to be a pain, rebooting the PC, so I decided to wait until the heat breaks. I have pictures of my yard - to give some perspective on how the gardens are set up, where I fit all the flowers - you'll be amazed at the room I have. Also, pictures of my first home-grown zucchini! And of course Boomer. He was rather funny about the pile of sticks in the yard left from the tree we cut down, so I'll share those.

Things I would rather not see....

...men in Mom jeans
...men in Mom jeans riding little red scooters (the motorcycle type)
...men in Mom jeans cut-off shorts
...canary yellow motorcycles being ridden by old men in canary yellow motorcycle suits
...my co-workers underarm stubble
...your lacy white bra under your too-tight white shirt
...your fat ass squeezed into short shorts
...anybody's muffin top
...cigarette butts anytime, anywhere but most especially on the sidewalk in front of my house

Happiness is...

...a new hose reel. Yes, that is what made me happy this week. The old one was a cheapie - my choice - and horrible to reel the hose back in. The new one is so easy, I love it. I was out watering the gardens this morning and it took less time because the hose reel is easy.

And....I have at least two zucchinis growing and one pepper. I don't see any squash or tomatoes yet and the brussel sprouts are a long way off. My arugula is done for the season as far as I can tell. I read not to eat it after it goes to seed and it has. If I can find another type of lettuce plant at the local farmers' market today, I will pick it up. I pulled all the mint out this weekend - it spreads like mad and we never use it - so I have some prime sunny space.

On a separate note - I'll be saying a prayer for a friend today that she gets a result she is hoping for. I'm hoping too. Good things should happen to good people.

Friday Photos on Saturday

Going short

I'm going short with my hair today. It's not really that long to start with - not even shoulder length. I want it shorter for a couple of reasons. One is the heat of the summer, so this may be a summer-do only and I'll grow it longer come September. The other is that my hair, while I have a lot of it, is fine and tends to be limp and want to be straight. I got Mom's hair! My sister's got Dad's hair, which was thick and wavy. They have their own issues - while my hair goes really limp in the hot, humid weather, theirs frizzes up. You might think that I have thick hair if you saw me, but that's just because there is so much of it. The day of my wedding, A's cousin who is a hairdresser, helped me fix up my hair after I took my veil off. She was surprised when she put her fingers in my hair to find it so fine. So, back to the beginning, I'm going short today. I won't go as far as a pixie, the childhood trauma of being forced to get pixie cuts from the barber is too much, but something like a short shag or a little longer version of a pixie might be just the thing that fits my hair's capabilities to hold a style and look good.

Happiness is...

....eating. To me - but really to Boomer. There is little that makes that puppy dog as happy as eating. He gets so excited for treats, meals, etc. He'll even do laps around the dining room table if we ask him to, just to get his breakfast. He's just a sweet, silly boy. I like eating too - but I don't do laps around the table.

Friday Photos

It's Wednesday right?

Yeah, Wednesday. Life has been busy. Conference in Atlanta got me discombobulated date wise. But it's Wednesday. Tomorrow is Thursday and I'm taking Friday off. Life is good. It's not always easy, but it's good. I get to see the husband tonight for the first time since Monday morning - so I'm happy.

A new pet peeve...

....people who are late to Mass. I've started going to Mass again and I've developed a new pet peeve as a result. Getting there as the priest is headed down the aisle is not so bad - but 15 minutes into Mass? As they are finishing the first reading? Bad. Worse? 30 minutes into the Mass as the priest is starting the consecration! Why bother at that point? Just receiving Communion doesn't do it. Showing up that late is inconsiderate and disruptive - not to mention that you missed the readings which is one of the most important parts of the service.

Friday Photos

Happiness is....

...Bon Jovi concert tonight! WOOHOO!

Small dogs

So - you own a small dog. You think it's cute when he growls and snarls at a big dog. It's not. You say stupid things like "oh he doesn't know his own size". Well guess what - neither does my big dog. And when your yappy little jack russell starts advancing on my dog, snarling and growling at him, what do you think my dog is going to do? My dog doesn't see some freakin' pipsqueak, he sees another dog challenging him. So he responds in kind. Thanks a lot. Thanks a whole freakin' lot. But, lucky for you, my dog is well trained. I keep him under control. That way, your untrained little yapper doesn't get eaten for lunch. Because guess what - my dog is bigger. Your dog may not know it, my dog may not know it - but that's the reality of the situation. Seriously, dog owners big and small ought to be required to train their dog properly.

Happiness is....

....getting back in shape. Okay - the diet is not so much fun, but it's working, so it's worth it. I'm also walking more and that's always good for me, mentally and physically. I'm feeling good. And my clapotis wrap is almost finished. I just love the color of the yarn and how it feels. I may have to find other things to make with it - Malabrigo Silky Merino. Yummy. I'm knitting with another yummy yarn - Madelintosh DK. I'm trying to think what I could make with it for me! It's a little pricey so enough yarn for an adult sized garment may be more than I want to spend, but it feels so good it's very tempting.

Trying Friday Photos again

This wouldn't work for some reason on Friday - so we're a couple of days late.