Happiness is....

.....apparently not on today's calendar.  I'm stressed.  Pain in the ass auditors at work, short staffing, mother sick, weight up.  ARGH!  At least tonight, I will come home to my husband and my puppy dog.  And get kisses from both.  One will even be wagging his tail.

Early Mornings

I'm not a big fan of waking up early, but I have to.  Lately, I've been getting up and taking the dog out for a walk, first thing.  This morning, as we were walking, I was thinking about how enjoyable it is to kind of have the world to yourself in the early morning.  There aren't many people out and about at 6:30 on a cool, late summer morning.  As we walk around the neighborhood, we often see just a single light on in a house.  The quietness is just wonderful.  It makes me happy to start the day, as if at that time, the world is mine and mine alone.  Well - Boomer's too.  I was looking down at him this morning as we walked, his little ears bouncing up and down.  We go at a good pace, but he still is able to check out the world - looking for squirrels and other evil beings.  It's a nice way to start the day.

Happiness is....

...grass growing in my backyard.  The legal kind of course.  After finishing the patio, we used the dirt removed from that space to level out our yard.  We had lots of dips and valleys where water would collect.  Hopefully we've done a decent job of levelling and pitching it so that the water no longer pools and ponds, runs where it should and does not run into the basement!  The squirrels are driving us a little nuts as they dig for nuts in the yard - but the grass is growing.  I can't wait to have stairs again and grass again and to be able to just open the door and let Boomer out into the yard to do his business again.  It's coming!

Remembering 9/11

How we treat 9/11 is different for everyone. I think it should be a solemn day, but I'm closer than some to what happened. I didn't lose anyone I knew that day, but my husband did. I wonder - how many people will stop and think about 9/11/01? Will it be a quick "oh yeah, it's 9/11" moment? Or will it be a more thoughtful, reflective moment. I'm not criticizing those for whom tomorrow doesn't mean much. I don't even think I want 9/11 to ever be a national holiday - after all, what has Memorial Day become but a day for picnics and parades? What do we all do on Veterans' Day? Do we stop to think about those who lost their lives in service of our country? Certainly not like we should. And I knew soon after 9/11/01 that it didn't have the same impact on some people that it did on others. I remember being at a conference about 8 months later and someone used photos of the fireballs coming out of the towers in a talk on disaster preparedness and document retrieval. I sat there stunned, thinking "it's too soon, how can they use the photos so casually". But, this person was from the mid-west, probably had no connection whatsover to the attacks, other than as an American citizen. It wasn't as personal to her. It's not as personal to me as it is to A, who lost friends that day. It impacted us all differently. And that's the way it remains. And as time continues to pass, and generations of children go to school who weren't even alive on 9/11/01, what do we teach them about it? I don't know exactly, but I do know that we owe it to those innocent men, women and children who were killed that day to remember in some way.

Just Random Thoughts

* I love fall. It's starting to feel fall-ish. Walking the dog this morning in the crisp air was so nice. I could go for this kind of weather year round, with maybe a few really hot summer weeks thrown in.
* I saw this guy out jogging the other day. He looked like he was in the 70s. Not age - but the decade. He is older though. He had on too-short shorts, a singlet with a reflective strip on it, and a headband. I was not rude. I did not fall to the ground convulsing in laughter.
* I wish I knew why Boomer shed so much after having a bath.
* I had a dream Tuesday night that I had a baby. A newborn, it may have been premature. Towards the end of my dream, it was no longer a baby, but a puppy. Think the cosmos is trying to tell me something?
* I'm hoping to have back stairs in the next week or so. I'm hoping to have grass in the backyard again too.
* The picnic table that seemed a good idea when my in-laws offered to get us one no longer seems so great. It would fit on the patio, but doesn't really go along with our patio vision.
* If you don't want to get tacky gifts at your wedding, register. While we did get the boss a nice gift, he will have to find it amongst the tackines we plan to pack it in.
* I think that I am addicted to lifesavers.
* I have given up on trying to keep a neat office.
* My audit starts next week. On one level, I know that I have a lot of stuff ready for them, that I'm in good shape, but on the level of the kid still in school and afraid of authority, I fell like I haven't got enough done yet.
* I really hate the way our legal system works sometimes - just sue someone because they'll probably settle even though you are not deserving because settling is cheaper than going to court.
* That dream from Tuesday really has me bothered. It brought up such longings. It was so real. Not fair!
* I just found that Malabrigo has a machine washable worsted weight yarn. Yay!

Still here

I had a blog post kind of written in my head about our trip this past weekend, but decided to wait a day or two for that. Instead, I'm going to post about it just being an ordinary day yesterday. I should have a four year old running around, maybe starting pre-K. But I don't. My due date was 4 years ago yesterday. I didn't think about it until today. We had a busy day yesterday, doing yard work and unpacking from our trip to Michigan. But it wasn't even a case of being too busy to dwell on it. I didn't think about it at all. I don't know how I feel about it. Time hasn't healed the wound - it never will - but the pain isn't as raw and as immediate anymore. I'm getting used to life as it is. Sometimes, I wish that the pain was closer to the surface. Is that weird? I remember feeling the same way as time passed after my father died. In some ways, I thought that feeling more pain would bring him closer to me. In the same way, I'm feeling sad that the pain over losing my baby has faded.