Dog instincts

Sometimes it's hard to remember that, though domesticated, a dog is an animal with basic instincts.  Like - if the dog sees a bird in the garden, it is going to try to get the bird.  That's how my day started.  I let Boomer out to do his business.  I heard him making noise and went out to check what was going on.  He saw the bird in the garden and tried to get him.  The poor bird appeared injured and wouldn't stand a chance.  Thankfully another of his instincts - and apparently a higher one - is to do what his master tells him.  So, when I pulled him back and told him to get in the house, he did it - very reluctantly, but he did it.  When I left for my run, I checked the garden and didn't see the bird.  I knew that the bird was going to be prey for some larger animal because it was injured, I just didn't want it to be my animal.  I was glad it was gone from my yard.  At least I thought it was.  I came back from my run and let Boomer in the yard while I started to water flowers.  I saw him near a dark blob in the yard and thought at first it was a pile of poop.  I went to go pick it up.  It was the bird.  Boomer appears to have gotten it in some way.  There are little feathers on the ground, the bird is on it's side and Boomer is drooling.  Again, he did as I told him and went in the house.  He kept looking back as he sadly trudged back in, but he did as I told him.  I told the bird I was very sorry for what had happened - like it understood me.  The poor thing crawled back into the garden.  I'm so sad for that little bird.  I know that's a part of nature, part of life, but it's still sad.  And now I know I'll have to deal with a dead bird when I get home from work.

Happiness is....

....thunderstorms at midnight.  I don't wish for thunderstorms much - but I like them when they come in the middle of the night, when I'm safe and warm in bed with A next to me and Boomer in his bed nearby.  I feel extra safe then and the noise is kind of beautiful.  Also, those late night storms usually clear the air and you wake to a beautiful blue sky with only wispy clouds.  And even more - it means I don't have to water the garden.  All in all, a good thing.

2 good things yesterday

1.  Many times when I am feeling low, I indulge in cupcake therapy.  Or small cake therapy.  I go to Stop & Shop and get some of their cupcakes or one of those little 4 inch cakes they make.  And then I eat.  So good.  It must be buttercream icing and yellow cake.  My favorites.  I didn't do it yesterday.  I know I need to lose weight, so even though I was feeling down and really deserved a treat, I didn't indulge in cupcake therapy.  I did have a glass of wine, but that wasn't as bad as the cupcakes would have been.  So - YAY! for me.
2.  A is going to the Cape with me!  I didn't even have to talk to him about it!  He sent me a text yesterday saying he was good to go.  I am very, very happy about that.

Two steps forward, one step back

Better than one step forward, two steps back - right?  I go along, thinking I'm dealing with the whole childless thing pretty well, then WHAM.  It hits me and there I am alone in the bathroom crying.  My BIL and SIL had their second child yesterday.  This would be the pregnancy that was announced on their blog - the blindside last Christmas.  I thought I was doing well, but just seeing the pictures last night and reading the comments (love the era of smartphones and text messages) made me cry.  I am happy for my BIL & SIL, but I'm sad for me.  I'm sad for A.  We will never have that joy.  It's one of the few things in life that I've ever really, really, really wanted.  And I can't have it.  Yeah, I wanted a four bedroom house with an in-ground pool, a bar room and a two-car garage and I can't have that either, but it's just not the same.  It's not the primal, deep in your soul longing.
And, on the heels of this, related to this is a dilemma I may soon be facing.  A has mentioned wanting to go visit his brother after the baby is born.  We'll deliver gifts to both kids.  (Go back a couple of Fridays and see the blocks for the blanket I'm knitting the baby.)  My problem with that is that A has been reluctant or can't find the time to go with me to visit my mother on the Cape.  I don't think it's fair that he won't go see my family, yet I'm expected to go see his.  And, quite frankly, I'm hurt by his reluctance to go the the Cape to see my mother.  And while my mother will never be pushy and nag us like his mother did over having two Christmas celebrations last year, my mother does drop the occasional "Gee, I haven't seen A since..."  That makes me feel like shit.  I feel like I have to make excuses for him.  Yeah, there was that one time we were on the Cape, when he had gotten somebody to switch tours with him and his firehouse was involved in the Deutsche Bank fire.  They pulled out the two guys who were killed.  It was scary and upsetting while he tried to find out if it was someone from his company that got killed.  And he felt bad that he had asked someone to switch with him - but that's what they do all the time.  And yes, every guy that agrees to swap takes a risk that he will be injured or killed while working the other guy's tour - but they are both taking that risk.  It's not reason to avoid going to visit my mother.  So, I'm going to have to deal with this.  It will be uncomfortable, but right now, I think that when we next discuss him going to the Cape with me for a few days, I'm going to lay it on the line.  If he doesn't go to the Cape, I'm not going to Maine.  He's free to go and visit without me.  My family deserves equal treatment to his.

Friday Photos

The first shot is some ground cover I've had for a while.  I actually took some of it last fall, after it had gone to seed and planted it in another part of the garden - and it took!  Yay me!  The other shots are mostly recent additions to the garden, including herb in a pot.  Right above the herbs is a shot of my dinner plate dahlia.  I planted that thing 3 or 4 years ago.  You are supposed to pull them for the winter in our area.  I can't be bothered.  That plant keeps coming up year after year, warm winter or nasty one like last year.  And it produces amazing blooms.  And then there's Boomer - doing what he does best.  Nap.

Happiness is...

.....exercising in the morning.  It really does start the day off right.  It's worth it to get up that little extra bit early.  And I have help with that, since the Boom Doggie doesn't seem to ever get the concept of sleeping in.  When he's ready to get up, he expects that at least one of his peoples will get up with him.  Usually that's me.  So, off I went this morning at 6:20, walked to the high school track, did my mile run, did a little extra since I'm trying to build up my endurance at this speed, then walked home.  Ready to move on with the rest of the day.

I think this is bigotry of a sort

I heard what I think amounts to some form of bigotry on Friday.  It still has me thinking, puzzled.  A little background - I work for a town in Connecticut.  Connecticut allows same sex marriages.  There is no waiting period to get a marriage license in our town - just the time it takes to fill out the application and pay the fee.  Being relatively close to one of the state lines, we tend to get a decent amount of out-of-state same sex couples seeking to marry here.  So, apparently two women came in to get married on Friday.  Apparently they were both attractive women.  One of my employees saw them.  What still has me sitting here thinking "did I really hear that" was her comments.  She didn't understand it.  She thought it was a shame they were lesbians, because they were attractive.  She could understand it if they were ugly, but what a shame because they are pretty women.   I did not know what to say back to her.  I was just at a loss to understand her thought process, but she is of a different generation and culture, so maybe that's it.  I don't know.  I just sat there and thought "Seriously?"

Friday Photos

More garden - just the hydrangeas from the front of the house, a little knitting - the first two squares from a log cabin blanket I'm making for the coming niece or nephew, and of course, Boomer.

Happiness is....

....a brand new driveway!  YAY!  Looking back at the whole house buying thing, it's kind of funny what you don't pay a whole lot of attention to at the time.  I don't think we realized just how bad the driveway was when we bought our house.   That first winter, we definitely knew.  Chunks of pavement would come up each time we used the snowblower.  The driveway was at least 50 years old.  At some point, as pavement does in the Northeast, it heaved.  The heave was in the center.  Some prior owner attempted to correct the situation by paving along the sides of the section that had heaved.  Yeah.  That was a smart move.  Guess which part was destined to break up first!  This winter, after I did a lot of the snowblowing, chunks were flying in to the yard, against the house, once almost taking out a window.  I told A it was time.  Let's get it done.  I told him that I didn't care if we needed to use the money we had been saving for a trip to celebrate my 50th.  The driveway needed doing.  Well, we had a good tax year, some nice year end overtime and had plenty of funds.  They started last Wednesday tearing it up and by the end of the day Thursday, I not only had a new driveway, but it was edged in belgian block.  So lovely!!  So smooth!!  And the enterprising contractors picked up two other jobs in our neighborhood as a result of the work they were doing for us.  Happiness all around!

Swatch it!

I am planning to knit a new top.  I did a gauge swatch yesterday.  This is the first time I did one wear I blocked the swatch.  The pattern said to do it - and after my experience of my last top growing on me, I wasn't skipping that step.  Important to note that the pattern for my last top did not suggest measuring gauge after blocking.  How I wish it had.  I haven't done a lot of swatching, but mainly because in a lot of my projects, gauge didn't matter too much - other than for making sure you had enough yarn.  That lesson was enough to make me swatch from now on - and to always order more yarn than I need.  You can always make something with leftovers.  So, I knit the swatch and measured pre-blocking.  I upped the size of the needle partway through my swatch, just in case the recommended size was too small.  I figured that was better than having to go back and do a whole new swatch.  Then, I soaked it and blocked it and this morning, measured the dry swatch.  I'm so glad I followed the instructions to measure after blocking.  Turns out the recommended needle size will work nicely.  Hopefully before too long, I'll have a nice new top to wear to dress up jeans or khakis.

what's a girl to do?

You're getting ready to head out early, walk to the high school so you can run on the track.  See if you can last longer than yesterday's mile.  A 12 minute mile - so proud of myself.  May I digress - having gotten near the end of the Couch to 5K program, I was running for 25 minutes at a time, but only at 4.5 mph.  If I really want to run a 5k, I need to get my speed up.  So, now that I'm used to running, I'm trying to run faster and then build up my distance.  So, I'm happy with my 5 mph and plan to know work up from there.  Now, back to the story.  There I am, running shoes on.  Vise - I mean running bra - in place.  Ipod ready, sunglasses on....and there he is.....the cutest freaking dog in the world.  So excited.  In his mind, I'm getting ready to take him for a walk.  He is just so happy.  What could I do!  Off came the iPod.  Out came the poopy bags.  Me and my puppy boy went for a walk. 

Happiness is....

....AIR CONDITIONING!!  God Bless the inventor of the air conditioner!  It was hot yesterday.  It's going to be hotter today and still hotter tomorrow.  I really do not know how people survived without air conditioning.  I suppose you just find a way.  And perhaps we are spoiled by the A/C.  If we didn't have it then maybe we would just adjust?  But, for me, I'm glad not to have to adjust.  I'm very grateful for the A/C.

Sex and the City II

I finally got around to watching Sex and the City II last night.  I enjoyed the series and the first movie, but had heard enough bad reviews of the second movie to wait a while.  I'm glad I did.  I never liked Miranda much, nor do I care for the actress.  It's partly her teeth.  Yeah - shallow I know.  But in this movie, she was just the worst.  They all were horrible caricatures of their characters.  It was just horrible.  I didn't mind the story line much.  It was a bit of a joke, but the characters were just worse.  I am so glad I waited to see it for free on HBO, rather than paying to see it at the theater. 

Weekend Photos

Yes, it's time for garden shots.  And Boomer lazing in the yard shots. 

41 years ago today

41 years ago today, I was probably sitting in my 3rd grade classroom, not knowing that the most important person in my life was entering the world.  Today is A's birthday.  He is just the most wonderful thing that every happened to me.  I love him very much.  I love his eyes, I love his hugs, I love his kisses, I love his hair, I love his butt, I love his smile.  I love to hold his hand when we walk.  I love to just sit in the living room together, not doing anything in particular.  I love to work beside him in the yard.  I love to travel with him.  He's just the best.  Happy Birthday honey!!

Happiness is...

...flowers in bloom and a soft place to lay your head.