January 23, 2006

I heard this morning on the radio that today is the gloomiest day of the year. It is. That's for damn sure. Life is not so good anymore. I'm pregnant, but it doesn't look like I'll be that way much longer. I had an ultrasound this morning. The baby hasn't grown as expected in the last week and it's heartbeat is not as fast as they would expect. My doctor expects that when I go back on Thursday for another ultrasound, there will no longer be a heartbeat. I knew that this could happen - that getting pregnant was only a small part of the battle. It just hurts so much and I can't even go home and cry. I have to get the budget finished and to the printer by the end of the day. All I want right now is to be in my husband's arms and I can't have that. I was really beginning to believe that this was happening and that we would have a healthy baby. We had such hopes. I know that we could still get a miracle, but the odds are not with us.