March 28, 2006

I can't do the online Jeopardy try out tonight. I'm not happy. I have to be at a meeting for work tonight. I won't be able to watch the UCONN women's game tonight either. What a bummer about the men. I'm rooting for LSU on the men's side now.

I've been walking at lunchtime when I can. And if I can't walk, I do cardio at home. I'm trying to get cardio in at least every other day and weights as well. I'm also being careful about my eating. I'm seeing the difference in the fit of my clothes, but not on the scale and that makes me mad. Our scale can be ornery. Sometimes, it seems to be stuck on the previous weight. I don't always trust it as a result.

We've begun house hunting. It's exciting and terrifying! And something new to post about !!

March 23, 2006

Wow. It's been a while. There has been stuff happening. I haven't really had anything I felt like writing about that wasn't really whining. Like having my personal pain exposed by someone I thought was a friend. Then having one of those days where you think maybe you should be committed or at least be on serious drugs. But - I have decided to focus on being happy. I have a wonderful husband. He's been sick. He's been on vacation too - sucks to be sick on vacation. While he's been off, he's let his beard grow a bit, but he has it trimmed in a Van Dyke. I like it. Too bad it's against regs. He's the best thing that ever happened to me.

I'm trying to be good about exercising more and watching what I eat. We are going to a dinner dance Saturday. It's when things like this come up that I really really wish I hadn't gained this weight. I'm not sure what the scale will say tomorrow morning, but I feel good. So I'm focusing on that.

I got a new dress for a black tie event we are going to in May. It was a very good buy, plus it's a beautiful dress. More good things.

One bad thing I have to sneak in here - I am sucking big time in both NCAA pools I'm in! :) That's a fun bad thing. Tennesee killed me. There were plenty of others, but we UCONN fans don't like Tennessee anyway - so it's easy to blame them.

So back to all about being happy. We are hoping to buy a house this summer. First step is to find out what kind of mortgage we can get. I'm psyched and scared all at once. It's a huge commitment, but one we want to make. I'm tired of renting. I want my own place to decorate. I want a place where no one is walking over my head, where I'm not sharing a hot water heater with 2 other families, where I can park in a garage. Soon - it's coming soon.

March 6, 2006

I'm trying very hard to work on the whole swearing thing. Today, as I was leaving the RE's office - which does not put me in a good frame of mind - I had an encounter that might normally let some of my road rage slip and the swearing come out. But - it didn't! Small victory for the day. This goober was coming up in the right lane, going really fast (mind you I'm a speed demon) and clearly he wanted to get around me. Eventually, it suited my purposes to let him go by. Well - get this - Bubba (as I affectionately named him rather than MotherF***r) was driving a light blue Subaru Impreza (very manly) with a spoiler and big tailpipe. Okay - if you want to have a hotrod looking car - a Subaru Impreza? Light blue? Oh boy - what a goober. I'll bet he picks up lots of chicks in that!
I think I'm making some progress on the issue of getting my body back into shape. I did 20 minutes of cardio Saturday night - half of it was really tough stuff. Sunday, I did 10 minutes of cardio and another 40 of pilates. That made me feel really good. I wasn't great with the snacking - but improved. So far today, I have resisted snacking (other than popcorn which is part of my plan) and it wasn't hard. It hasn't felt like denial. Let's hope this continues!
So - another blood draw today. I'm hoping that this was the last one. I'm just waiting for the phone call. I think that when I am done with the RE, it will really help me put this behind me. I know that there will be moments of sadness and tears - like I had this weekend - but I will feel like I've really turned a corner. I kind of feel right now like I'm approaching the end of the street, ready to turn the corner into the sunshine - but I'm not there yet. It's hard seeing little babies on TV - knowing that I'm not going to have that ever. Going back to church was hard. I know God didn't cause this - but I'm still not over my anger there.
My honey is home sick today - horrible way to start his vacation. I feel so bad when he's sick and I can't do anything for him. Hopefully the doctor will be able to put him on the road to recovery soon!

March 3, 2006

First lesson of the day - clean off the roof of your car after a snowstorm (and all windows too). I did - but I sure wish others would too. It's just SO much fun to be riding down 95 when someone's snow stack blows off the roof of their car back at you.

Second lesson of the day - weed through your saved e-mails on aol and delete some once in a while. Otherwise, one day you will have over 2000 e-mails to go through!

I'm doing well. I'm laughing more than crying these days. There is always sadness, but it's getting easier to bear.

I'm taking a mini-break from weight loss efforts tonight, but starting up again tomorrow.

Oh - and the count on the "no swearing" thing is up. One last night - but that was justified since the board I staff would not cancel their meeting despite the snow. Then again today I swore while in the car. It's something about getting behind the wheel that does it to me. It's a form road rage I think.

March 1, 2006

It's Ash Wednesday. I'm being a bad Catholic. I did not go to get ashes. I just don't feel like going. It's not a Holy Day - so I think I'm still good with God. I need to get going back to church. I didn't go the weekend I lost the baby for obvious reasons. Then there was the blizzard and I've fallen back out of the habit I had gotten into. Hopefully this weekend I'll get myself back there. I've decided to try to give up swearing for Lent again this year. I've already blown it. I started to say "f**ing" something today - realized what I had just said - then (get this) I said "D*** I swore." Hello! I'm doing better with the no sweets deal that I agreed to with my husband. Okay - it's only been one day. I'm doing that part to help me get myself back in shape. I need to lose about 15-20 pounds. I did workout tonight - that felt good. I got these 10 minute DVDs. Each has 5 10 minute workouts. I did 2 cardio segments, one toning segment and one stretching segment. Not a bad job. I want to be in better shape before the firehouse dinner dance and then in really decent shape for my annual conference in May. We'll be going to a black tie dinner at that and I would like to look nice in whatever I wear, not frumpy and dumpy! I'm doing better dealing with my loss. The counseling has helped. Support from friends and family has helped. What's helped the most though is the constant love and support from my husband. I've read the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." It has really helped. I plan to read it again. I get the authors point, that the world is random and God doesn't cause the good or bad things, he's not testing us, etc - and that when the bad things happen, we need to turn to God for help in where to go next. I'm just not ready for it yet. Okay - for whatever reason, blogger is not letting me do carriage returns. So - on to a new topic - bulk e-mails. We all have those people in our lives that send out these e-mails with jokes, political crap, chain letters, etc to all the people in their address books. I have 3 such people - my aunt, my husband's uncle (I thought it was his aunt up until this week) and a friend of ours. I get annoyed with the political crap - seems all three of these people are conservative Republicans who don't realize that I'm a semi-liberal Democrat. Two of the three have the unfortunate habit of sending stuff out without checking the veracity of the information they are forwarding. Well - a little brouhaha developed this week when one of my e-mailers sent something out about the ACLU and crosses on federal property. This prompted a response from one of the other recipients. Soon we have a reply to all war going on. Where am I going with all this? The jokes are fine. I love the pretty pictures. But before sending out the political stuff you should do two things. One - consider your audience and two - check the facts. That's it. I'm stepping off my soap box. One last thing - I went to see UCONN v. Villanova Men's Basketball this Sunday at Gampel Pavilion. AWESOME! WE WON!! In honor of my UCONN Huskies - I will color this post UCONN blue.