I knew the day would come....

...but I just wasn't ready for it. We got a call from A's brother Saturday. He and his wife are expecting their first child. She's due in March. I could only hear A's side of the conversation, but it was easy to figure it out. I just went upstairs, crawled onto my bed and cried. The dog came up - poor thing doesn't like it when I cry. A came up as soon as he got off the phone. He was just wonderful. I want to be happy for them, but at the moment, it's hard to feel anything but my own pain. It's a little weird - friends of mine have gotten pregnant and I have no problem being genuinely happy for them - why am I not immediately happy for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. Maybe it's because those friends have struggled to get pregnant and/or stay pregnant. Or maybe it's that this baby will be the first grandchild, not the child that I lost. I suppose it also may be that this pregnancy and this baby will not be at a distance. It will be there right in front of me at holidays, etc. I need to deal with it. I know it will get better. Today is already better than yesterday, which was better than Saturday. I'll get there.