When you are dealing with infertility, loss or any kind of disease, there will always be people who say things like "It's God's will" or "It must be God's plan for you." I suppose with some people, believing that their situation is God's will helps them cope with it. For me, the suggestion that my situation is God's will is not a helpful one. Starting on an intellectual level, I find it hard to believe that God gets that deeply into an individual's life. Yes, He is the Supreme Being and could probably map out each twist and turn in our lives, but I don't believe He does. Otherwise, it negates the concept of Him having given us free will. On a purely emotional level, I don't buy it either. If it is God's will that I remain childless when that is my heart's desire, then it must be some form of punishment. Well, why would He punish me yet grant other people their desires? I know I'm no angel, I am a sinner as are we all, but I am a good person. There are people that you can legitimately look at and say "not so good a person" yet they get their wishes. You could make the argument that they are not happy with their lives - but then I think you are stretching it. And where does God's will come in to people who abuse or worse murder their innocent children? Every day in the news you read about people abusing or killing children. Was it God's will that those children live painful lives, die painful deaths?
So what started me off on this rant today? I read someone's blog where they opined that it was selfish not to accept God's will for your life. This is the blog of a woman who experienced infertility and eventually accepted living life without children. If it helps her cope to say it was God's will, then I guess I need to respect her coping mechanism. But for me, I don't believe it was God's will. If it was God's will, then I would have to blame him. He wouldn't be the loving force I have always believed in and relied upon. For me, I believe it is just how life turns out sometimes and God's role in all of it is mourning my loss with me, being an anchor to hang onto when the pain is too much, being a light to show me that there can be happiness in my life in other ways.
3 comments:
Sounds like we are on the same wavelength. Did you ever read "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Harold Kushner? He expresses a similar philosophy. It was enormously comforting to me after our daughter was stillborn.
Loribeth, I did read that book. It really helped me begin healing.
((HUGS)). I totally agree with you.
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