Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Was I crying for her or for me?
The woman I wrote about in yesterday's post called me at work yesterday. We talked some, mostly she talked, I listened. I tried to affirm her feelings, tried to give her some advice. After I got off the phone with her, I cried. I really didn't expect that. Some of it was sadness for her, but mostly I think it was dredging up old sorrows of mine. Her situation was very similar, where they told her at one visit that the heartbeat was slowing, to expect a loss and then it happened. So, I had a good cry. I was drained by it. I got home last night and just wanted hugs from A and Boomer. I sat outside with A while he cooked and I drank a glass of wine. I looked at him, at Boomer, at our yard and I know how very lucky I am, how very much I have. It's hard though, to not be sometimes sad at what we don't have.
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4 comments:
I am glad to hear that she got in contact with you, but I am not surprised that it affect you as well. This pain runs deep and though it might not come to the surface all the time, when it does, boy does it sting. Sending you big hugs, my friend. I know even when we have so much to be grateful for, we are human, and we will always have that feeling of wanting more, especially for something we can't have.
We can never fully understand what combination of triggers will prompt sadness...but a good cry has a way of bringing about a much needed release. I'm sure your kindness was much appreciated.
I agree with Jen & Pamela. It was probably a little bit for both of you.
I hate to think of anyone else going through something like this. At the same time, I know that nobody will ever understand how I feel unless they do exactly that. How nice that she had you to lean on during such a hard time.
As Loribeth said, I suspect you cried for you both. But I hope that knowing that you helped her in turn helps you. That's what I've found - helping others made sense of my own losses, even if it did bring back painful memories.
Hugs, man cooking in the garden, with a glass of wine, sounds to me like excellent post-cry recovery.
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