Happiness is...

...a new toy - Wally the Warthog for Boomer, a new car for me. Sorry - no pics of the car.

A new car!

Yay for me! I picked up my new car today. It's an Infiniti G35x. Very cool - nice features. I have to get used to it - figure out where my seat should be, etc. But - way cool. Not as much trunk space as my old Maxima, but I can live with that. The days of my golf clubs living in the trunk passed a couple of years ago. It's Lakeshore Slate with a stone interior. I'm happy. Oh - and it has a hump! It's rear wheel drive. I haven't had that in forever. I had forgotten what it was like to have a hump in the back of the car! I was a little nervous going to pick it up - worried about whether or not I had made the right choice. I'm actually still a little nervous - but that's just because I'm not used to it yet. I love having all the voice commands. I can plug my Ipod in to the stereo system. The backseat does not have as much legroom as the old Maxima does, but it has the same as the new Maxima does - so no loss there. I don't have fold down seats anymore - but I hardly ever used that. I'm happy to have a color car too - I chose the grey Maxima - but something said to me this time around "get a color" and I think I got a quite nice one!

Friday Photos

My favorite city.

Happiness is....

celebrating 4 years of being married to a wonderful man. He's not perfect, but that makes him a good match for me because I'm not perfect either. He's got beautiful eyes, a wonderful smile, the greatest butt and I just love him. He's a good man. I'm a lucky woman.

The end of the hoseless summer

It had to happen. Summer has to end sometime. So did going hoseless. I've never gone hoseless on a regular basis before. It was liberating. I can't do it through the winter because I am too pasty. Since I lost weight before the summer, I wasn't so worried about needing to be sucked in. And I wore open toed shoes a lot more this summer, so I couldn't wear hose with them. (Note all you people who do wear pantyhose with open toed shoes and sandals - it's tacky.) I was worried at first about thigh rub - but that wasn't an issue except when I was trying to uncross and cross my legs. Baby powder did become my friend, as I hate the feeling of my feet sticking to the bottom of my shoes. All in all, going hoseless was a great way to celebrate summer!

On another note - it looks like I've finally decided on a car. I thought I had decided on sticking with a Maxima two weeks ago. The 09 retooled version is a great car. Only problem is, their leasing rates suck big time. So - on a bit of a whim, I e-mailed the local Infiniti dealer. Much better rates. Now - it is a 2008 - but still a brand new car. I had thought early on that with many of the cars I might be able to snag a good deal on a new, but last year model car because of the timing. I was right. The dealership just opened about 5 minutes ago, so I will be calling shortly and saying "Let's make a deal." I may have to turn my Maxima in a month early or have two cars (and two payments) for a month - but since I'm saving $2k per year - difference between the cost of the Maxima and Infiniti - I think I can eat the one month payment.

Oh - and if you've noticed that I've been doing a "Happiness is" post on Wednesday's lately - well - I'm saving that for Thursday this week.

Friday Photos

I visited Yankee Stadium for what I expect is the last time Wednesday night. Here are some pics I took with my point and shoot. There's Joba mid-pitch, a shot of the facade, a couple of Derek Jeter including the famous "butt out for an inside pitch" stance, and Freddy Sez - a Yankee Stadium fixture. If you ever watch a Yankee game and wonder what that tinny noise you occasionallyhear coming from the stands - it's people banging on Freddy's frying pan. Every game, he has a different sign with a saying for the day.

Happiness is...

being surprised with tickets to a Yankee game before the Stadium closes. I know - not a good season for the Yanks. Odds are pretty good they won't be in the playoffs. I think the tragic number is down to 4 or something like that. But - I did want to see a game there this season before the Stadium closed. A called me this morning on my way to work to say he had gotten tickets for tonights game. YAHOOO! I have no idea where they are - but it will be fun. I think I'll bring my little camera and take some pics.

Update the guest bedroom?

Here is a picture of our guest bedroom. The color on the walls looks bluish sometimes, but it is actually called Beacon Grey. I want to get new linens for the bed. The bed is brass. I've given some thought to seeing if I can spray paint it some other color - maybe to match the chrome light fixtures. I also want to replace the night stand, which is a reddish brown. The dressers in the room are a medium brown - my old Ethan Allen set from childhood - so they are antiques! hehehe Seriously though, they are almost 40 years old! But first priority is the linens. Any suggestions? I'm looking for something a little less frou frou, something with nice clean lines.

It's been a good weekend

UCONN won yesterday. The Giants and Yankees won today. Does it get much better? These are some pictures of our tailgate party.

Friday Photos a day late

7 years ago

It seems incredible that it's been that long. I'm going to post about my memories of that day. I didn't know A then, so the memories don't actually include him. Maybe someday I'll post some of what he's told me about that day and the days after, but some of that stuff is kind of tough. Before I get into my memories, let me give you a link to a very cool blog. It's about building awareness of different conditions, situations, etc. Today they are doing a 100 word project. They asked people to write about 9/11 in 100 words. It's worth a read.
http://awarenessbridges.blogspot.com/

My first 9/11 memory is simple. I arrived at work, sat down at my desk and turned on my computer as I always do. My home page is MSNBC.com. There was a little banner headline saying that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. I thought it was a small plane. So I called my sister who worked on the 89th floor of 1WTC (the first one hit). I got her voice mail, just left a message saying that I had heard about the plane was just checking in to make sure she was okay. Really - I thought it was a small plane and no need to check in with her - but I have relatives that in the past have heard something as simple as that there were fire trucks seen at the WTC and they call to make sure L is okay. So - that's why I called, I really didn't think it was anything to worry about. Almost as soon as the phone was in the cradle, it rang again. It was L saying "I'm okay." She said they were trying to find her co-workers who were in the back of the office. I thought she was in the building. I still had no idea how big this really was. I didn't have access to a TV. Talking to my older sister, I learned how huge this was. I called L back asked her if she was evacuating. That's when I learned that she was not in the building, had only been just leaving her apartment to go to work when it happened. Thank God. One big memory I have is calling my older sister back and telling her repeatedly "stop crying, take a deep breath, she's okay, she's not in the building." I have no idea how much time was passing with all this. I think it all happened pretty quickly. I have an e-mail - my boss saved it for me - telling him that I would be skipping our regular 9 am Tuesday meeting because I had to try to find my mother in Ireland before she saw it on the news. Mom had gone there with her brother and sister, their spouses and a couple of cousins for a family wedding. We kind of forced her into the trip - had major regret after what happened. Anyway - for the first time that I can remember, Mom had not left all her contact numbers for her trip. I called around to various relatives/friends that might have it when my cousin called. Her mother had left the numbers. I couldn't make an international call from my phone at work, but one of my staff had a daughter in the Navy, so hers was set up for it. She had to show me how to do it - I kept flubbing it. Turns out, Mom and her siblings and the spouses had gone on a 2 day tour of Galway, so I left a message at the hotel and with my cousin's brother-in-law. Some time later my uncle called. They had stopped for lunch and saw it on TV - just what I didn't want. Apparently my aunt and uncle saw it first and decided not to tell Mom, but then she saw the TV and just collapsed into a chair. None of them had an international cell phone, but someone on their bus did and loaned it to my uncle to make the call. When I told him that L was okay, she had gone in late, I could hear him relay the news. My mom then got on the phone. All she did was cry. She would later proudly tell us "I didn't cry that day." I told her - uh - yeah Mom - you did nothing but cry when you got on the phone with me. I finally left my desk after talking to her and went downstairs to see the TV in the lounge. 2 WTC had just collapsed, 1WTC was still standing.

I remember my boss coming in and us talking about how many residents we may have lost. The town I work for is a bedroom community for NYC - about 50 min to midtown by train. A lot of our residents worked there. In the end, we lost far fewer than we had feared.

I spent part of the day online in a chatroom with friends. One friend, Carole, lived in mid-town. It was hard to call into or out of the city, but people in the city could call each other. So Carole was calling friends of friends, finding out if people were okay.

My sister had been able to get to midtown and went with a friend to a bar with a payphone. She called me from there and gave me a list of people to call to let them know she was okay. At that point, she didn't know what had happened to her co-workers who were in the office already. She thought they may all be dead. In fact, they all survived. There front door was practically impossible to get out. They got out through the file room. Amazingly, they had just cleaned up the file room a couple of weeks before, unblocking the door. One of them had been in the file room when the plane hit and was trapped under a file cabinet. They got her out and went next door into a law office. At some point, someone from the Port Authority came up and led them to a stairwell. They got down a ways to - I think - the 72nd floor where the stairwell ended and they had to cross. There were no lights, so they used the light from a cell phone to see their way. Amazing.

I think it was on this phone call that 1WTC - my sister's building - had come down. She said to me "I have no computer, I have no phone, I have no shoes." That just has always stuck with me. Like many New Yorkers who walk to work, she wore sneakers in and changed to shoes in the office. She kept her shoes under her desk. Sometimes I wonder if any of her personal belongings survived - a picture, something on her desk - but her co-workers told her that her office was in flames immediately, so I doubt anything survived.

Going home, there was nothing but the news on the radio. Where I lived at the time, my evening commute was usually 20-25 minutes of bumper to bumper traffic. Not that night. There was almost no one on the road. I remember getting on the highway and seeing three huge dump trucks going the other way - towards the city - being escorted by a state trooper. They could only have been going one place.

I spent so much of that day on the phone, fielding calls from relatives and friends, asking about my sister. There were more messages when I got home. I don't remember taking time to feel much that day. I don't think I cried until I saw members of Congress standing on the steps of the Capitol, singing "God Bless America". Some people may have thought it was hokey. I thought it was beautiful.

So, that's most of my memories from the day. Maybe sometime in the future I'll share some of what my sister and A have told me about their 9/11 experiences. It's important that we never forget.

The Day before The Day or Sometimes it's the little things

I couldn't decide what to title this post - so you got two titles.

Today is the day before the day. Tomorrow is 9/11. Who remembers what they were doing 7 years ago today? Probably very few. Maybe the widows and widowers of 9/11 victims. I hope they do. I hope they are happy memories. I wonder - do they dread today almost as much as tomorrow? Because today, they start bracing themselves for the pain of tomorrow's memories?

So, the other title. Sometimes it's the little things which mean the most, The small gesture that touches your heart. A simple act of kindness which means so much. Today, my husband and his co-workers are doing what may seem to others as a little thing, but to some people may mean a lot. My husband is a member of Rescue 1 in the FDNY. The FDNY - and the firefighting profession in general - is a big brotherhood. They take care of their own and the families of their own. Today, the active members of R-1 have split up into teams. They are going to the grave sites of all the members of R-1 who died on 9/11. They will clean the headstones and clean up the grave sites, removing dead flowers, etc. It is something small they are doing, but tomorrow, when the families of those deceased members of R-1 go to visit their loved ones, they will see a clean headstone. They won't see dead flowers or plants. It's not much, but maybe it eases their burden a little and maybe that's a lot.

Happiness is...

...a sweet smelling rose in your garden.

Moving Hemlines

I spent part of yesterday and today going through my closets, weeding out old clothes. Some things I hadn't worn in a couple of years thanks to weight gain. As I tried things on, most stuff fit, but I noticed I no longer liked them. Some of it was the shoulder pads. I mean SHOULDER PADS. I have big shoulders to start with. I must have looked ready to start for the Giants in these! There were suits with jackets that were long, compared to what I'm wearing today. There were several dresses that I never even wore and trying them on this weekend I thought they looked too old for me. Lord only knows what I was thinking when I bought them! Then there were the hemlines. As I tried on dresses and suits, I noticed that I no longer like some of the shorter hemlines. Now, I am of the opinion that as women get older and their knees start to become unattractive (why is that?) and they shouldn't be showing them off in short skirts. This isn't why I'm not liking the shorter hemlines for me. I think my knees look quite fine. (This really should have a picture - but who takes pictures of their knees.) Anyway, bottom line is just that my tastes have changed. I think. It was sad to say goodbye to some of the clothes - like the last two Fuck You Mike suits are gone. It was also great to rediscover others and say "Hey, they fit and they still look good." And best of all - there's now room for A to put his clothes in the closet!

Friday Photos

Happiness is....

...a shady spot to sleep in.

Random Thoughts

*Sometimes I just really hate the finance people at our Board of Ed. They are stupid. They try to get away with things. And they are paid more than me. This is accounting people. We have rules and must follow them.

*There are places on my route to and from the Cape where the exit ramp is a 2 lane exit. Not everyone knows this, so they get to the far right way too early and therefore wait in line way too long. I'm not going to tell them though, because then I lose my little advantage.

*I wish that the MASS-DOT people would mark the EZ-Pass lanes better at the I-84 interchange - not the booths, I mean the lanes that will lead you to them. Or just move them to the far right or left. It will eliminate a lot of the lane jockeying.

*My dog is a good traveler.

*I wish the Cape weren't so far away. Or that I would win the lotto so I could retire and live up there all summer long.

*I had figured that the VP choices might help me make up my mind which way to vote come fall. I was right.

*I recently discovered the show "Big Bang Theory" thanks to A. I like it. My favorite is Sheldon.

*I took a lot of pictures this weekend at the Cape. I can't wait to download them.

Friday Photos

I thought it would be fun to start posting photos on Friday - so here's the start. Enjoy.

So, I've caught up to Kevin again.

Kevin would be my older cousin. He's 4 months older. I thoroughly enjoy telling him he's older than me on his birthday every year. But then I always catch up. So, yesterday I caught up. It was a good day. My family and many friends wished me a happy birthday (got to love facebook). We had cake in my office at 9:30 a.m. Why so early? Because I had to leave by 10 to go spend the day in court in New Britain for a tax appeal. We never figured out why I had to be there - we being our attorney and the Town Assessor. But, I was listed as one of the people who had to show up, so I went. It was rather boring, but I was with very nice people. Our attorney used the fact that it was my birthday as pressure to move it along as quickly as he could! Court could have been crappy - but I actually enjoyed the day because of the people I was with. Even from the moment I got out of my car in the parking garage, there were two nice men who saw me, asked right away if I was going to court. When I said yes, they redirected me from the way I was heading, telling me the fastest way to get there. When I got home, A and I got ourselves cleaned up and headed to Fairfield to a restaurant called Paci for dinner. Great food there. We hit traffic on the way, so called the restaurant and very easily moved our reservations back a half hour. We had a terrific meal. I had room for dessert. On the way home, we found gas CHEAP - 3.89 is pretty cheap here right now. All in all, a good day.

Is this a mid-life crisis?

I may be having a mid-life crisis. I have a birthday tomorrow. I'll be 47. My age is definitely bothering me. I don't feel my age for the most part. (There is the grey hair and the inability to get pregnant part.) I really feel like my attitude, my health - everything - is so much younger. So - it annoys me that I am going to be 47. I had this realization the other day - I may have lived over half my life already. How weird is that to be thinking! I know that I've worked more than half my working life already. To some, this may be a good thing, and to me it is, but at times I look at it and think - wow, life is just moving along to fast, I used to be young with it all in front of me. So - is this a mid-life crisis? Well - there's more. My car lease is up in October. Time to decide what to get next. I think that this is where my real problem is. I can not decide what I want to do. Do I want to upgrade my car? Do I want to stay with the kind I have? Or, do I want to downgrade and put the savings towards something else - like a yearly vacation to Mexico? I do not know what I want to do. I am so unsettled, this is driving me nuts. I am a bit of a planner. I like to know where I am going, what happens next, etc. If I know that - I'm in my comfort zone. I am so not in my comfort zone right now, not knowing what I really want to do about my car. It doesn't help that A and I have argued a bit over how important the rear legroom is. Add to that, I probably view what kind of car I drive as too much of an expression of who I am. My car has to look good. It needs to be comfortable as well. It's like this - I test drove an Acura TL over the weekend. Fine car, rides nice - but totally bland and boring design. On the other hand, the cheaper Mercury Sable & Toyota Camry have interesting looks to me. It's not just about money, it's about the look, the drive, etc. I also have this thing about not driving my grandfather's car. I feel too young for certain cars - the more plush ones like Cadillacs or the Toyota Avalon. When I think about it though - I think my father was around my age when he got his "Baby" - the Cadillac he had longed for. So - I'm back to the question of "is this a mid-life crisis?" A thinks it may be and has told me to get the car I want - whatever that is. Part of me wants to run out and do that (likely a BMW 335xi or an Audi A4) but there's the Virgo in me that says this is a large commitment, I must make a logical decision.
So - here's my bottom line. I don't think it's a mid-life thing. I think it's that I am so out of my comfort zone, not being able to make a clear decision on the direction I want to go with my car and this is all happening right around my birthday. I identify with the car I drive too much, but I don't think I can change that. Maybe I'll get lucky in the next month and there will be a deal on a car that is just too good to pass up and it will be one of my favorite to drive, not a sensible car that my grandfather would drive.

Some props to the Shithead!

My brother (aka the shithead) remembered my birthday! Woo Hoo! This is the first time in several years that he managed to remember it before my actual birthday. I got a card in the mail from him today. The last few years I've gotten "Happy Birthday" calls as much as a week later. So he's a couple of days early this year. I'm impressed. It used to be a bit of a game - wonder when he's going to remember it this year. Of course - there was a little bit of a dig in the card. He said "I hope you and A are doing well. Mom keeps us informed." Yeah - I know - I don't keep you informed. That's because you are a shithead and I really don't care to keep up with you anymore. But - I'll still give the shithead props for remembering my birthday this year. :)

Now - some pictures from my birthday present - my new camera.

"Just Relax"

Woman with infertility issues hear it all the time. "Just Relax". Just relax and you'll get pregnant. Any woman who has dealt with infertility for a while has heard it a LOT. It can be pretty annoying - more so depending on your diagnosis. Like for me - just relaxing isn't going to make my eggs any younger. So what do you do? The person saying generally means well, they are just misinformed. So, you smile, maybe try to educate a little and - yes, I'm going to say it - you just relax. What else can you do! The person means well, so no point in getting testy. Just relax, smile, thanks for your interest and move along.

I bring this up today, because yesterday, that was what one of the wives at A's firehouse picnic said to me. She asked if we had kids, I said that no, we can't. Her advice was to just relax. That worked for her. So - I took her advice - just not in the way she intended it. I just relaxed and let roll off my back and went on doing something else.

I knew the day would come....

...but I just wasn't ready for it. We got a call from A's brother Saturday. He and his wife are expecting their first child. She's due in March. I could only hear A's side of the conversation, but it was easy to figure it out. I just went upstairs, crawled onto my bed and cried. The dog came up - poor thing doesn't like it when I cry. A came up as soon as he got off the phone. He was just wonderful. I want to be happy for them, but at the moment, it's hard to feel anything but my own pain. It's a little weird - friends of mine have gotten pregnant and I have no problem being genuinely happy for them - why am I not immediately happy for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. Maybe it's because those friends have struggled to get pregnant and/or stay pregnant. Or maybe it's that this baby will be the first grandchild, not the child that I lost. I suppose it also may be that this pregnancy and this baby will not be at a distance. It will be there right in front of me at holidays, etc. I need to deal with it. I know it will get better. Today is already better than yesterday, which was better than Saturday. I'll get there.

25th Reunion

My 25th reunion from college - yikes - was held in June. I didn't go because the timing didn't work for me and because I wasn't sure that any of my friends would be going. I just saw some pictures. Oy. I hope that I don't look like some of these women looked. Some of them look great!

Some of them look like I expected them to look - matronly. I know my age, but I sure don't feel it and I don't think I look it - but some of my classmates - well - they look even older. And one of them I did not recognize. I had no idea who she was. In fact, my first thought was that maybe she was one of the continuing ed students who graduated with us. Nope. Turns out she is someone I was friends with! Honestly - in this picture, she looks like some one's cute grandmother. So - here's hoping that I look more like Colleen and Mary Pat than like Marion and Sue.

Vent Post

This is a vent post. I don't usually vent about my husband here - for good reason, he's a really good guy, but today, I just have to do it. He was off today, going in this afternoon for an evening tour. He was off yesterday too. Yesterday he felt sick. This morning, he felt fine. So - what did he do with his day. He got his hair cut. He went to see his friend Pete. Did he mow the lawn? No. He was supposed to do it yesterday - but okay, he was sick. Today - he had time to go see Pete, but not to mow the lawn. What the fuck did he do with the rest of the day? He was up when I left. He didn't walk the dog. He didn't do laundry - hasn't done laundry that wasn't his work laundry in ages. But - oh - he had time to go see Pete. Now - mind you - Pete's not sick or anything - this is just two guys hanging out together. I can't tell you how many times he hasn't done stuff at home, but he's had time to hang out with Pete. So - I'm just a bit annoyed. I work full time too. Sure, my work is not as physically demanding as his, but it seems that in my time off, I have to do the work around the house. I do 90% of it easy. I take out the garbage most times. I put the recycling out. I do the laundry, fold it and put it away. I do the grocery shopping. I wash the dishes and unload the dishwasher. I do the vacuuming. I strip and remake the bed. Several months ago, he said that he was going to make the bathroom his job. He would keep it clean. How many times has he cleaned it since then? NOT ONCE! Even when he went on his cleaning binge while I was at the Cape (the one where he organized my shoes and told me that now I have to keep them that way!) he didn't clean the bathroom. I had done that before I left. In fact, that's what sent him on his binge. I told him that when I came home, I wanted to see the bathroom as clean as it was when I left. That led him to say that he would clean the whole house. Since then - what's he done? Pretty much nothing. Cooked a few dinners. I can't say that I cook all the time - but I think it's fairly even. We actually don't get to eat dinner together most of the time because he's either working a night tour or getting off at 6 pm, which means by the time he showers and gets home, it's 8pm and I've long since eaten. Which leads me to another vent - the other day he told me "this business of having to pick up my dinner on the way home is getting old." So - I guess I need to start cooking him dinner. And what do I get? He tells me I'm sexy. This morning he commented that it had been a few days since we had sex. Hmmmm - I've got an idea here! You want to get laid? Do a load of laundry once in a while. He'll do stuff - if I nag him. I tried just asking him to do 1 or 2 things a day, maybe 3 if they were all small. That worked some times. It really doesn't work for mowing the lawn though - witness today. I'll mow it - but I really don't like doing it. Sometimes it just has to be done because it starts looking skelly. It's a pain in the ass. We have trees and tree stumps. We have a sidewalk in the middle of the front yard. We have a picnic table that has to be moved around. We have a side strip that's not a nice uniform shape. It's a freaking pain. The yard was supposed to be his thing. We were going to have the greatest lawn in the neighborhood because he was really fanatical about it. I used to hear all about the yard he had with his first house and how it was the best in the neighborhood. I'm beginning to think they lived in a pretty skanky neighborhood. But okay - I help with the yard. I do it without his asking. Like the grass he's trying to grow around the tree and the stumps. I put the sprinkler on it for him. Do you think he would think to water my flower gardens or put the sprinkler on them? Not if I don't ask. I'm tired of it. I'm not a perfect housekeeper, but I do it when it needs to get done. Why can't he? Why can't he see that the laundry basket is overflowing and do a load? This is one of my busiest times of the year. I should have been prepping for my audit tonight - not out there mowing the lawn. But hey - he got to visit with Pete. He doesn't seem to realize that he needs to put me and our home first in his life. He needs to make that more of a priority than hanging out with Pete. I need to sit down with him and talk to him about it or I'm going to blow soon. For now though - I've got to go. I've got a load of laundry that needs to be moved to the dryer.

GOOOOOOOOOOAL!

I hit my weight watchers goal! I still want to lose 1 or 2 more pounds - but I am at a number that I have not seen in 4 years! YAY for me! Now - with that comes a bit of a problem - but a good problem. I now have a decent amount of clothes which I like, but which no longer fit well. They are too big. Take them to the tailor you say? Yeah - I can do that - and I will do that - in the spring. That's my little test for myself. I want to make it through the winter with the weight loss holding before I get stuff taken in - just in case.

My brother is a shithead, part 2 and some pretty pictures

I talked to my mother today. My brother stopped by to visit her. So you say "why the title then?" Well, shithead has been at the Cape for a week, in the next town over and just called yesterday to say he was there, wanted to stop by before leaving. What is up with that? He waits until he's headed home to say "hey, I'm 10 minutes away Mom." Shithead. I suppose though, it's better than him not visiting at all - which he has done before. Mom doesn't know about that. Shithead doesn't know that my sisters and I know. Someday though. Someday boy. Shithead.



Okay - enough about that. It's been a while since I've posted garden pictures. These are a couple of months old - but still lovely. Oh - and of course there's a Boomer picture mixed in. If I get my act together, I will post some more over the weekend. I've gotten my one bigger area looking pretty good with a nice mix of perennials. I'm excited to take some pictures and post them. Anyway - for your viewing pleasure...

Order - or not

I like order. Maybe it’s that I’m a Virgo. But – I’m not neat. Maybe that’s because I’m not totally a Virgo – I’m sort of on the cusp – close to it anyway. Back to the point though – I like order. I like rules. It’s just not necessarily how you would expect it and I don’t always apply rules unilaterally. Like – traffic rules - speeding is okay, but I believe that you should stop at stop signs and when doing so, you should stop at the stop line. See what I mean? I like rules – I just don’t necessarily want to apply them all. I also have my own rules. Blankets should be folded a certain way. Long ago, I had a roommate who would fold my afghan wrong. She would fold it inside out. I was constantly refolding it. At work, when we store cancelled checks, I like them neatly stacked, no strays sticking out. When walking up or down the stairs or on the sidewalks, I believe the rules of the road should apply, that is, stay to the right. It fits my sense of order. Things need to make sense to me. I’m a logical person. It’s probably why I like logic puzzles and things like Sudoku so much. They fit my world, my need for order of a sort. It’s also probably why accounting has been a good profession for me and why sales was not.

I think – no, I know – that one of my issues with our infertility is that it is out of order. I did things the right way. A & I are good people. So, why can’t we have kids? It doesn’t fit my sense of order that we can not. If other women can have children past the age of 40, with or without medical assistance, why is it that I can not? There is no logic to it. It does not fit. It doesn’t fit my sense of order that people who abuse their children can have them. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to reconcile it all, given who I am, given my sense of order, given my need for order.

Confessions...

I did it again. I only painted two toes per foot. They are the only ones visible in my shoes - so that's all I did.

I took a bit of a long lunch today, but I shouldn't really have to confess that. I was with the boss and we were out supporting Town businesses and functions (read Cosi and the Farmers Market).

I have spent far too much time lately trying to decide what kind of car I want to get when my lease is up. It's not up until October - but I'm planning now.

I really need to get my guest bedroom cleaned up. I've needed to do this for weeks now. I just can't seem to get into doing it though.

I want another vacation. I just had one the beginning of this month, but I want another one now, this time with my husband.

Sometimes I really hate his (husband's) weird schedule. I wish he were home every evening. I know there are lots of positives about the days on/off thing, but sometimes, I just wish he were home each evening and weekend.

For love of my dog...

...I will do lots of things. Like - I will drive to the emergency vet in White Plains at 11 o'clock at night. Last night, Boomer didn't poop when we went out to do business at his usual time, so when he indicated he needed to go out again around 10:30 - out we went. We came back in, I crawled into bed, sent him to his. Next thing I know, he's walking around rubbing his body, his head in particular, on stuff. At first, I didn't think anything of it - sent him back to bed, rolled over once and helped him scratching - then I took a look at him. My poor baby was covered in hives. I can't freak out. A is working, I've got to deal with this. The poor animal was going nuts. I called the vets, they say bring him in. He calmed down some when I put him in the car - almost as if he knew we were going to take care of it. Well - I did tell him we were going to the vets to get him help, but I don't think he really understands English. Anyway, he was so good at the vets. They determined that he had been bitten by an insect of some kind, causing the reaction. They took his temp up his butt, gave him shots in his butt and he behaved so well. I was so proud of my little boy. While we waited to see if the shots were going to reduce the hives, we sat in the waiting room, along with another sick doggie. That dog just sat quietly. My dog sat and cried the whole time. The other owner asked what was wrong with him. She had never seen a dog cry like that. Now mind you - I don't think he was crying from pain or anything. He was sitting looking at the other dog crying because he saw a potential buddy and wanted to play. Anyway, sometime after midnight, we headed home. The hives are now gone. I'm tired, he's rested most of the day and has probably forgotten it all already. I don't know that I'll ever forget the sight of him covered in hives, desparately trying to itch his little body and get relief.

Just some thoughts....

-I'm nearly at my goal weight. Unfortunately I'm still in that in-between area where some of my thing clothes still don't fit. And - I haven't worn them in 4 years - so - um - may not be in style? I keep thinking of that commercial for TLC (I think it's TLC anyway) where they show the woman coming in to work in an outfit that hasn't fit in a while - the one with the huge shoulder pads, big wide belt and super short skirt - anyway - I need to do a real job on my closet soon.
-I don't like apologies that have a lot of qualifiers in them. You know the kind - we've all done them - where you say "I'm sorry I did whatever, but I was so ...(pick one here - stressed, busy at work, upset about something else). Apologize and be done with it. Just say "I'm sorry. I was wrong." I've done the qualified apology and usually feel a little scummy about it. It's just plain easier to say I'm sorry and leave it at that.
-I swear people in my neighborhood have no idea what a stop sign means.
-My doggie might get mad at me tonight. He has kennel cough and therefore can not exercise for a few days. I'm going to go for a walk without him.
-I think that if you've hit the age where your eggs are no longer good enough to be fertilized and stick and grow to be a baby, well then - your ovaries ought to communicate with our uterus and tell it to shut down. Seriously - why do I have to keep getting a period if I'm not going to be able to get pregnant. Where's the fairness in that? Are you telling me there's a good egg left in there and one of A's swimmers just might pick the right one and I'll end up pregnant? Yeah? So - I should be expecting a basket of candy from the Easter Bunny next spring too?
-I love summer evenings when it's still a bit warm, where I can sit on my front porch after dinner and enjoy the 'hood.
-I think that this fall, some day when it is rainy and it appears the perfect day to just sit on the couch all day reading a book and looking out at the rain - that's what I'm going to do.

Imagine if you will...

You are invited to spend a day of golf with a young relative, to be followed by a sumptuous dinner, including your golfing partners and all of your respective spouses, all at the young relative's expense. Now, imagine that post-golf and pre-dinner, you have some drinks and appetizers. You wish to pay the bill for the drinks and apps and successfully wrest the check from the others. Dinner is had and enjoyed, as mentioned at the young relative's expense. All in all, you paid less than 1/10 of the cost of the days activities. Not a bad deal - right? Fast forward to the next day. Your spouse insists you go visit the young relative and request reimbursement for the cost of the drinks and apps. Would you? Could you? Wouldn't you be positively mortified? Particularly since you are not hurting for funds?

True story. I was floored when I heard it. It's just a recipe for bad feelings.

More Boomer cuteness

You know how dogs like to cover up their poops by scraping dirt/grass on to it? Well - Boomer has the instincts, but in addition to having poor directional capabilities, my doggie does his scraping on the concrete sidewalks. It's funny. I'm not going to clue him in though. I enjoy the little laugh.

What I did on my summer vacation...

I went away for a week to the Cape with the dog. A couldn't come because he had to work. Boomer and I had a good time. I wore my Giants Super Bowl Champs t-shirt to the neighborhood 4th of July party just to tweak the Patriots fans! I walked a lot while there. I took the dog for 2 20-30 minute walks every day. Plus most of the days I also took an hour long walk with my mother and her friends. We went to see a movie called "The Golden Boys" also known as "Chatham". It was cute, don't think it would play real well outside of the Cape though. We also went to see a play "Scapino" which was funny. The lead reminded me of Jim Carrey. Mostly, I went to the beach, walked and hung out with my mom and my dog. It was very relaxing. I worked on some jigsaw puzzles too - that was something I hadn't done in a while and it was fun. Just a few pics below.

Sometimes it's the little things...

that make me happy.

When I walk the dog in the morning, for part of our walk, the sun is behind us, casting a shadow in front of us. I love watching the dogs shadow, seeing his ears bounce up and down as we walk along. Don't know why - but that sight just makes me very happy.

Save me from the "Christians"

I was just reading one of the blogs I tend to visit. The woman is a "Christian". I put it in quotes, because the things she said made me think that she has kind of missed the message of Christ. She's worried about her deceased mother - figures she's in heaven, healed of her earthly pain - but worried because she doesn't know what her relationship with God was. Well - in my mind - isn't what is really important is that God loved her mother? That God forgives our sins? She feels that as a Christian, she is called to help others "walk their own pat to salvation." I guess it just ticks me off when these people feel that the rest of us need saving and that we are somehow less of a Christian than they. In the end, it makes me go back to the parable of the Pharisee and the publican - praying in the same temple (Luke 18:10-14) one boastful, one remorseful.
I am a sinner. I know it. I try to be a good person, but I'm far from perfect. But - I also know that God loves me. I am solid in that belief. God loves all of us and I firmly believe that hell is reserved only for the worst of the worst of the worst - those who do evil and do not repent.

So thank you Mrs. Christian, but I'm doing fine here. I don't need you to save me.

So..the wedding itself was lovely

The wedding Sunday was really lovely. Bride looked radiant, groom looked so happy. The homily was the best homily I have ever heard at a wedding - it was just so good. The music was excellent too. The bridesmaid's gowns were mostly pretty. A's cousin, who was a bridesmaid, looked gorgeous. Looking at the dye job on one bridesmaid made me think "uh oh, hope my hair didn't look that fake when I was in my red phase." I know - it was a wedding, I shouldn't make snarky remarks. Can't help myself. May I mention the guest who's dress reminded me of a nightie? And the multiple women in open toed shoes with stockings on! And shall we discuss the women who maybe should consider support garments? or the one who's dress couldn't quite zipper? Nah!

So - generally speaking, the prayers of the faithful do not present comedic opportunities - until Sunday. I wish I had chowed down more during the cocktail hour. It's not that dinner wasn't good - but the apps were fabulous! It was a lovely setting for the reception and the rain pretty much waited for the end of the cocktail hour before it started. The cake was delicious. I couldn't tell what the icing was. It was not buttercream, nor was it fondant. Anyway - it was good cake, so good I not only ate my piece, but half of A's too! I didn't indulge in the Italian pastries - word had it there was a mob scene at the pastry table. I love dancing with A - just love it. We sat at the "kid's table". Seriously. The cousins were all at one table, the parents all at the table behind us. I was glad I had my shawl with me - thought leaving the house that I might be nuts to bring it since it was so freakin' hot - but it was coolish inside at the reception and downright freezing in the ladies room - although it's kind of hard to pee and wipe with a shawl on. Anyway - glad I had that little TJ Maxx bargain!

The last song of the night - well - it was a win for the Yankees as they played the Frank Sinatra version of "New York, New York." Same ending song for our wedding - the one that got us kicked out of our own reception. We were leaving anyway.