From the outside looking in....

Ever feel that you are on the outside looking in all the time? I do. I think I've been that way most of my life. I've never been the favorite child, the popular kid in school, the person people want to be best friends with. I'm liked, I'm loved, but I've never been special - except to A. I sure hope I'm special to him. I'm feeling like I'm on the outside a lot lately. I don't have any real close friends. I have friends - but no one to whom I could turn and cry my heart out too - and worse - no one who would want to turn to me and cry their heart out. The women to whom I was closest kind of went to someone else in a friendship divorce. (You have to go back to last March when I found out my alleged friend was going around telling people about my miscarriage.) So - I have friends, but they always have someone else to whom they are closer. I have a decent figure, but I could be and want to be thinner. I have nice clothes, but I am not the snappiest dresser. I can't have kids - so I can't ever even be a cool mom. Not having kids makes it hard too - there are not many women my age that I know that don't have kids. I'm just kind of blah - the middle aged, middle of the road, middle child. Nothing special. On the outside looking in.