Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Merry Fucking Christmas or Why I'm Glad We're Not Seeing the In-laws For the Holiday

I got a text from my brother-in-law this morning.  "Make sure to check A*'s blog today."  (A* would be the nephew, their almost two year old.)  I had a bad feeling.  I just had a bad feeling what was going to be on the blog.  They are expecting again.  Merry Fucking Christmas.  Just a freaking reminder of my failure.  Just in time for the holidays.  I know that I will love the niece/nephew to be - but their success is a reminder of my inability to have children.  It's not their fault.  But that doesn't mean I'm not sitting here with tears running down my face as I type this.  And I must add - what an asshole way to tell family that you are expecting another child - an announcement on your fucking blog?  So now, I'm really glad that we insisted on no second Christmas this year.  At least I won't have to deal with it for a while.  I can go to my mother's today for a few days and be safe.
I just wanted children so much and while I'm finding my way to living a happy life without children, I don't think it will ever stop hurting on some level.

2 comments:

Kate said...

Ugh, so sorry you have to deal with this. And reading it on a 2yo's blog? Stellar.
I also had to deal with my brother and SIL announcing #3 while we were still trying to get and staypregnant with one. Tears were shed, and I found out from my mother. And DH didn't get the crying about it either.
Hope you make it through Xmas ok anyhow.

Aimee said...

I'm sorry, Kate... that's so crappy. Go -- have YOUR Christmas -- and take care of yourself. xoxoxo to you, many times over.