I got a text from my brother-in-law this morning. "Make sure to check A*'s blog today." (A* would be the nephew, their almost two year old.) I had a bad feeling. I just had a bad feeling what was going to be on the blog. They are expecting again. Merry Fucking Christmas. Just a freaking reminder of my failure. Just in time for the holidays. I know that I will love the niece/nephew to be - but their success is a reminder of my inability to have children. It's not their fault. But that doesn't mean I'm not sitting here with tears running down my face as I type this. And I must add - what an asshole way to tell family that you are expecting another child - an announcement on your fucking blog? So now, I'm really glad that we insisted on no second Christmas this year. At least I won't have to deal with it for a while. I can go to my mother's today for a few days and be safe.
I just wanted children so much and while I'm finding my way to living a happy life without children, I don't think it will ever stop hurting on some level.
2 comments:
Ugh, so sorry you have to deal with this. And reading it on a 2yo's blog? Stellar.
I also had to deal with my brother and SIL announcing #3 while we were still trying to get and staypregnant with one. Tears were shed, and I found out from my mother. And DH didn't get the crying about it either.
Hope you make it through Xmas ok anyhow.
I'm sorry, Kate... that's so crappy. Go -- have YOUR Christmas -- and take care of yourself. xoxoxo to you, many times over.
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