Monday, July 30, 2012

I haz a sad

Actually 2 sads.  One if for me and is kind of selfish.  Maybe not just kind of, maybe really truly, but please don't judge.  I found out that a friend is pregnant.  This is a friend who had professed to not want kids.  This is a second marriage for both her and her husband and he has custody of his son from his first marriage.  She would talk about not really wanting kids, but being cool with the stepson.  In that circle of friends, it was good for me to have a fellow childless person.  Even though she has the stepson and is a good mother to him, she and I could together be the ones who hadn't gone through labor, childbirth, diapers, etc.  Now, I'm alone.  I'll be the only one on the outside looking in now and that makes me sad.
My other sad is for me, for my whole family - but most especially for my favorite aunt.  My uncle has been diagnosed with lung cancer that has metastisized to his bones.  It's not good.  I don't know how much longer we'll have him.  Truth is, the last few years, he's been a grumpy gus and no fun to be around.  But I still love him and don't want to lose him.  I'm so sad for my aunt.  They've been married over 50 years.  We all know that someday we will all die, but how do you deal with it when you know it's coming.  How do you face things like his birthday this week is probably his last birthday.  How do you cope.  On the other hand, maybe it's a blessing to know it's coming, to be able to talk about things, to have time to express your love, to get to say goodbye.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

BTW, I gained weight on vacation

And the title is the only thing in this post about my diet.  Today, I'm whining.  My husband had occasion yesterday to chat with some of my fellow town employees - a couple of cops.  Now, my relationship with the cops is not always the best - it's a management v union kind of thing.  They distrust management in general.  I have forged some good relationships, but there's always a little wariness on their part.  And, as with any department, sometimes I'm the one who wields the hammer - who says no, you can't do that.  Sometimes I'm nice about it.  Sometimes I can't be nice about it.  Sometimes, even though I am nice about it, I'm branded a bitch.  I don't enjoy that.  So, why this discussion?  Yesterday, my husband bonded with the cops over my being a bitch.  Yup.  That's what he did.  Told them how they might get it at work from me - but he gets it full force at home.  Yup.  That's what he said.  He thought it was funny. He even went on about how another employee will get something done for me either when he wants me to do something in return or when I go all out bitch on him.  How nice that my husband has bonded with the cops.  How nice that he has cemented my bitch reputation.  I was stunned last night when he related this to me.  I don't think he gets what he's done to me.  I should have addressed it with him right then, but I think I was too stunned to realize the full implication.  Now, I just want to cry.  I don't know how to undo what he did.  I don't know how to not care.
And then there's more.  He's always trying to convince me that I'm hot and sexy.  I'm glad he thinks I am.  I do see myself in the mirror and know that I can look good, but I am also realistic about myself.  So the latest thing to convince me of my hotness is to tell me that my number is up to 8.  What number you ask?  The number of guys in his firehouse that would'll just use his words.... that would want to fuck me if he died.  Over 5 is apparently a very good number.  I know that I should be flattered - but I'm sitting here thinking ewwwwwww - how do I face that group now, knowing that I've been discussed in that way.  At least I don't know which 8.  But seriously?  Guys talk about that at the firehouse?  What is up with that!  He's proud.  I'm skeeved.
And so it goes.  I just had to get that all out. 

Friday, July 13, 2012

Friday Photos

Flowers, flowers and more flowers, a little knitting and Boomer.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Happiness is....

.....touching base with old friends.  When my mom was down for the park rededication two weeks ago, I took her around to visit with some friends.  She hadn't seen some of them in a number of years.  It was fun to see them catch up.  And sad too, because it's entirely possible that she'll never see some of them again.  She doesn't come back to Connecticut too often these days, and even when she does, it's rarely to our old hometown.  So, I'm glad I was able to give her that chance, to sit and chat with old friends on a nice summer afternoon.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Still here

I've been a little busy, so haven't gotten to blogging lately.  I have done my weigh ins.  I was up a little last week, back down again this week.  That's an achievement actually - considering all the parties and dining out that I did this past week.  A 4th of July picnic, lunch and dinner out on Friday, picnic on Saturday - complete with Sangria and moonshine, plus some birthdays at work - it could have been bad!  But it wasn't.  But now, I'm headed up to the Cape for a week or so on Friday.  That can be dangerous.  I get out of my normal eating routines and tend to drink a glass of wine every night.  I do expect that I will get more exercise, but I think I need to watch it on the wine consumption.  And I need to plan for healthy meals and limit snacking.