Monday, May 04, 2009
too much alone time
That's what I'm getting lately - too much alone time. A was away for a week at the Fire Dept Instructors Conference. Then he came back and was teaching a lot, including a trip to Scranton to teach this past weekend. Tonight, I looked at the calendar and saw his golf trip to Myrtle Beach that starts next week. I knew about it, but I thought it was just a weekend. It's more like a week. I was about to feed the dog when I saw it. I just stood there and cried. Poor dog didn't know what to do. It's not like I haven't gone away for a week and left A at home. But I've never been gone this much - and not all at once within a four week period. When you add his normal work tours in there, I think we'll have had less than 10 days together over the last month. I didn't know it was going to be this bad when he said he wanted to do these trips - as if I he would have accepted me saying no to them anyway. I miss him when he's gone. It's lonely. And for me, unlike for him when I'm gone, there's the dog. It all falls on me. So I'm a little pissed too. He'll be away, having fun. I'll be home alone, missing him, needing to put aside what I want to do because I have to be responsible for the dog - entertaining him, feeding him, walking him. And then there's needing to do everything around the house while he's gone. It's hard enough that I normally end up doing more of the household chores - but it really weighs on me when he's gone and I can't even rely on him for simple things like taking out the recycling. So, I cried tonight because I know what's ahead of me over the next two weeks.