Childless v Childfree

There's a difference you know. One involves a choice. One does not. One implies wanting, longing, sadness and despair. One declares a kind of liberation, freedom, happiness. For the childfree, there are the luxuries of not having children. For the childless, there are the sorrows of not having children. I am childless. It was not a choice. (see note below)

I do not deny that I have said things like "if we are not going to be able to have kids, then I want the benefits of not having kids." But I did not seek those benefits. So don't tell me they are a luxury. They are only a pitiful attempt at a salve for the wound of childlessness. Those benefits will never replace the joy of a child. I would trade the agonies of temper tantrums, sleepless nights, dirty diapers, teething, interrupted errands, endless laundry - all of it - all of the down side of parenting - all of it - over the benefits of not having children any day. A childfree person would not do that. A childless person would. I would.

Don't ever tell me how lucky I am to be able to sleep in because I don't have kids. Or be able to afford a nice car because I don't have kids. Or go on vacation because I don't have kids. Or go where I want, when I want and spend as much time as I want doing it because I don't have kids. I know I can. But I didn't want it that way. Saying that stuff is like pouring salt in my wound. That implies I made a choice instead of being handed a diagnosis. I will live with my wound. I will have a happy life despite my wound. But still, it is there. I am childless, not childfree. There is a difference.

(Side note - We can not have children naturally, we can not afford to adopt. I don't want to hear the "why don't you just adopt" response because that comes from ignorance of just what it takes to adopt both emotionally and financially.)