Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Screw it. I give up. I quit.
Every feel like saying that? I do. Today. Sometimes, I just have no fight in me. I got on the scale this morning. I had expected to gain last week, based on our meals out. I was good this week though and really did some serious exercising. I lost not one ounce. The scale did not budge. It is so frustrating. Why do I bother. Why not just eat all the chocolate I want and get fat. And my panty hose feel tight this morning. Pisses me off. Then there's some of the stupid shit at work. I don't know why I let it get to me sometimes. We allow wasteful spending because none of the elected officials have the balls to say anything to the special interest groups. The Library - world's, no wait universe's best library - gets to spend our money with no checks because after all - they are the universe's best library. Why do I get aggravate anymore? I know the deal. And then there's the volley fire houses. We have three. One is really good about spending our money. One is ehhh and the third wastes our money. They are getting a new truck. It's costing a couple hundred thousand more than it should and they'll get it because no one will say no. The other departments bitch about them and could stop them - but do they? no. Then there's the in-laws. My MIL is trying to plan a get together of my family. What's up with that? She's a lovely woman. I really like her. I'm happy that she likes my family. But I'm not happy that she seems to be trying to become part of my family. I need a little separation there. It's not that I don't see her actions as nice and well intended, but I more see that she is trying to take away that separation - that Chinese Wall - that I need between my family and my in-laws. It's not that I think my MIL would ever do anything mean or bad to me, but I need a place to retreat and be cocooned from in-law interference - and if we become one big happy family - well that's just shot. And this weekend we're headed to Maine to the BIL's for a 1st birthday party for the nephew. I expect that I'm going to be pretty much done by the time we come home. The baby is adorable. I love him. I like knitting for him. But it will be a weekend of being reminded of what I don't have and will never have. I will have to keep a happy face on all weekend. It won't always be a strain - but I'm thinking that by the time we head for home, I will have wanted to head home hours ago. Too much baby, too much togetherness, too much Maine in the middle of the freakin' winter. I would really like to just curl up in a ball and say "I quit" sometimes. Just accept defeat and wallow in it. Today is one of those days.