Tuesday, September 07, 2010
I had a blog post kind of written in my head about our trip this past weekend, but decided to wait a day or two for that. Instead, I'm going to post about it just being an ordinary day yesterday. I should have a four year old running around, maybe starting pre-K. But I don't. My due date was 4 years ago yesterday. I didn't think about it until today. We had a busy day yesterday, doing yard work and unpacking from our trip to Michigan. But it wasn't even a case of being too busy to dwell on it. I didn't think about it at all. I don't know how I feel about it. Time hasn't healed the wound - it never will - but the pain isn't as raw and as immediate anymore. I'm getting used to life as it is. Sometimes, I wish that the pain was closer to the surface. Is that weird? I remember feeling the same way as time passed after my father died. In some ways, I thought that feeling more pain would bring him closer to me. In the same way, I'm feeling sad that the pain over losing my baby has faded.