Happy Thought for Today

I saw sun! It's gone right now - but it was there before. I am fully confident that it will stay out even longer tomorrow.

Mixed thoughts after the mini-vacation

We went to the Cape for a few days, hence no posts. (Like I'm a real daily blogger - right?!?) We stopped at A's parents on the way there, spent the night. I hate the bed we sleep in there. There is only a mattress over the springs. Get a box spring please! Next time, we'll sleep on the futon in the other guest room - a lot more comfortable! So - this was the Boom Doggie's first trip to A's parents' home. He was very excited. He ran around a lot and gave lots of kisses. G - A's dad - seemed to like having a dog on a temporary basis and volunteered for the poop and piddle outings. I started my weekend of prodigious (did I spell it right) eating the next morning. We had muffins, scones and eggs for breakfast. Mmmmmm.

On to the Cape. Weather was beautiful when we got there, but began to look like rain, so we got mom's stuff in off the line and made her bed. We like to rack up the brownie points! Hey - we are getting a virtually free vacation, so we need to help out around the house. The dog loves my mom. He enjoys being up there. He was very cute one afternoon when he managed to sneak out behind my mother. He was bounding around the yard. I could just see him thinking "I'm free, I'm free!"

Everything was all good until late Saturday afternoon. A comes in to me, listening to a message on his phone and says "Was I supposed to work this morning?" I told him I did not know and asked if they were looking for him to have been in the firehouse. Unfortunately, that was not the case. He had gotten a call telling him that there was a big fire at the Deutsche Bank Building and that word was one firefighter was dead and another one just barely hanging on. He was worried that someone was covering his shift and may be dead or nearly dead. He was also worried about all of the other guys in his firehouse and friends who were assigned to houses that would be responding. He was eventually able to get information telling him which company the dead firefighters were assigned to - I guess that's when he found out that the second one had passed. His main concern then was to check in on the guys in his house and to find out if his friend Chris, who was assigned to the firehouse of the brothers who passed, was okay. As the night wore on and into the next day, we got information. It was hard being so far away, because it wasn't top news to the Boston stations. We learned early Sunday that one of the men was a guy A had been friendly with in probie school. We also learned that it was A's company, including the guy covering his shift, that found the two men. They told him how bad it had been, the men who were low on air, the horrendous conditions, the fear that they weren't going home ever again.

I wonder what I would have done if we had not gone to the Cape for a few days, but had been at home. A would have been working. How would I have handled the news of the fire? Would I have been freaking out? Would I have even known? Sometimes I don't turn on the scanner when he's at work. I'm wondering if I should keep it off or on. Better to know or not know? We talked some about what would happen - who comes to notify me. A few years back, when he was in a different company, he had set it up that one of his friends would notify me. We decided this weekend that he'll set it up for their company Chaplain, who is a Priest in the Town I work for, to notify me. I'll tell you- if you ever ask what my greatest fear is - it's seeing a department car pull up in front of my house. I stressed to A that we need to start going to church again. What if something happened to him? Where would I bury him from? We need to belong somewhere. We need a faith-home. I know that the Chaplain would take care of us, but I want to belong somewhere. So I guess next weekend, we'll begin trying out some of the parishes in our area. I know I shouldn't "shop" for a church, but I want a place where we'll feel comfortable, where we'll be at home. If anything ever happens to A, I'm going to need it.

Happy Thought for the Day

It's not raining. Seriously - that is my happy thought. We drove home from the Cape yesterday in the rain. That sucked. Today's weather is not great, but it's not raining.

Holy Cow

The Scooter, Phil Rizzuto, died today. It's a sad day for Yankee fans. I'm too young to have seen him as a player, but I grew up with him as a Yankee announcer. He was terrific. You could tell how much he loved the game and the Yankees. Holy Cow.

Happy Thoughts - Two for Tuesday

Two days from now, I will be on the Cape with my husband and my dog. It just doesn't get much better than that.

I feel good physically, having started to work out again.

Silly Dog stuff

A. bought Boomer this rather large stuffed bowling pin. He, of course, has thoroughly enjoyed ripping it open, pulling out the squeakers and the stuffing. Last night, he pulled some more out. It is so much fun to watch him do this. He gets kind of frenzied sometimes. It's like this is what he lives for, what he was born to do - rip the stuffing out of toys! So - last night, he had pulled some out and started picking up the foam and tossing it in the air. I decided that this was not the best thing, so I started picking up the foam he was not currently carrying in his teeth. Well - kind of like a kid would do - he sees me picking up the foam and he decides he needs to hide what he already has - in his mouth. It was truly the funniest thing. My little doggie with his puffed out cheeks hiding his foam. Kind of like looking at me saying "no mom, I don't know where the rest is". I wish I had had a camera handy.

This morning - more silly stuff. Sometimes dogs see something that is outside the normal scene - like you've added a new decoration to the room - and they bark at it. Boomer did this when I was trying to decide what color to paint the bathroom, so I painted blocks of each color on the wall - he barked at the paint. So this morning, I'm taking him for his walk and he sees a garbage bag that the neighbor put out for pickup. Well - he gets in the stance and growls at the evil garbage bag. Too funny that dog! He was successful in scaring that bag. It did not attack us as we walked past. Later in that walk, my masculine doggie who was going to save me from the garbage bag, starts to cry when he sees a poodle being walked by his peoples across the street. He wanted to go play with the poodle and just gave this pitiful cries because he couldn't. Such a dog! I love this stuff!

My dog is lucky....

...that I wrote the previous post yesterday afternoon. Had it been 12:30 this morning - might not have been the same post. It's so hard to be mad at that cute little face - but when he wants to go outside and sniff around - not pee or poop - at 12:30 in the morning - it gets a little easier. He is the sweetest thing though.

I love my dog

Dogs are wonderful little beings. Give them some food, a warm place to sleep and take them for a walk and they will repay you with unconditional love. I know - you know all about it. It just needs repeating sometimes. They don't ask much - well - okay - sometimes he asks a lot - but really - I can read later. Some day he won't want to play ball anymore. It's not a bad life they have. Sleep most of the day, play a little ball, eat some food, head to bed. Oh - and give out kisses in between. Yup - a good life.

Be careful what you wish for...

You know how people always say that to you? Hinting that what you are wishing for may not be so good? I'm beginning to feel that way about something I asked for. Our former Town Treasurer was awful. The man was a misogynist and a bigot. He was rude and was becoming forgetful. That last part was really one of the worst things. He would forget to make deposits or send wires. Not so good for our bank accounts, that one. So - I, as you might imagined, wished that he would be replaced. He was. Now, sometimes I wish for him back. His replacement is a woman with a big ego and a big mouth - not the gossiping kind - just the endless yakking kind. I have my own big ego and one of these days, we will clash. Part of the problem we are having these days is that I control with whom we do our banking. She controls with whom we do our investing. She is constantly sticking her nose into my arena. I'm willing to listen to her ideas and explore new avenues, but she does not decide what goes on in my office. So there! :P

I'm too old for this....almost

I played softball last night. I used to play for our work team. I'm not that good. I played as a young girl, but never in my teen years. Then as an adult, I played for work teams from time to time. I do not have a strong throwing arm. I think if I worked on it, that would improve. I need to work on my hitting too. This year, after a couple of years off, I said I would play for one of the volunteer fire houses in town. I really like this bunch of people. They are fun to play with. None of them take it too seriously - unlike my own work team did in the past. We win or we lose - but we have fun doing it. So - despite my advancing age and creaking body, I will play with them again next season if they need a girl. (They have to have 3 girls on the field in a game.) Last night was a particularly fun game. We played Jet Blue. If you remember their funny ads from a few years ago - think about that attitude trickling down throughout the corporation. These people were fun. They didn't even get upset when one of our players fouled a ball off and it knocked over one of their beers! Talk about cool people! I am a little achy this morning. Okay - a lot achy. I've long had problems with my achilles tendons. The left one is bad this morning. I even stretched before the game. Oh well. I need to get into something like yoga - try to get this body more flexible. I'm sure A would enjoy that too!

A few pictures to brighten my blog

Some of the Boom Doggie, some flowers

Thoughts on living infertile in a family world

There was a little bit of a "to do" on one of my message boards this week. Someone wanted to organize a "mom's get together" and used the board to do it. This did not sit well with everyone. The original poster did not mean to be hurtful, but she was. That kind of thing happens a lot in the world - people don't mean to be hurtful, but they are. Often it's from just not thinking. Sometimes it's because they don't realize that they should be thinking. Which raises some questions for me. How far should we go to not be hurtful? When does it become ridiculous to be tip-toeing around someone's feelings and when can we take reasonable actions to be considerate? I think that years ago, infertility was just something you didn't talk about - like cancer. I've read that many people don't really know what the history of cancer is in their family because years ago, the word wasn't said. Today, knowing how important family history is and with medical advances to treat cancer, it's much more talked about. Maybe infertility is more talked about now because it can be treated in some cases.

I don't think society has really figured out how to deal with those of us who are infertile. The world is geared towards families. Parenthood is celebrated. We have holidays for parents! It always seem so much more horrible when tragedy befalls a parent. It can be very hard to live in a world designed for families. You can begin to feel like you have no place in the world. One of the questions most asked when you meet someone for the first time is "Do you have kids?" and when you say no - a lot of people don't know what to do with you! You get the nosy ones who probe as to why, there are the ones who can't think of another question to ask, there are those who offer you their kids (never a good thing to do) and of course there are the terrific people who move on to another topic or respond well to your moving on to another topic.

Infertility is so painful and so personal. You may never know that your co-worker, neighbor, friend or relative is suffering from infertility. If you don't know, how do you avoid hurting them? By their silence, have they foregone the right to sensitivity? I think that with a little common sense, a moment of thinking - you can sometimes avoid hurting someone who is silently suffering. Just some examples to show what I mean:

1. If you or your wife just had a baby, only send out pictures of that baby to people who have requested them. I had a co-worker who sent me pictures of his new baby twice - once the pictures were specifically directed to me. I had never asked for them, never even talked to him about his wife's pregnancy - yet he sent me pictures of his brand new baby a couple of days after she was born. It devastated me. My baby had been due that same week. He could have saved me a lot of pain. I'm sure that in his joy, he never considered that there was anyone who wouldn't want to see the pictures.
2. If you ask someone "do you have kids" and they say no - Leave it at that. Move on. There is nothing wrong with that. If the person wants to talk about it - volunteer further details, they will.

If you know someone who is open about their infertility, be supportive - but don't be stupid. Offering your tales of your friends who tried for months, then went on vacation and got pregnant does not help. Talking about that celebrity who just had twins at age 48 doesn't help. Someone undergoing infertility treatment knows darn well that said celebrity used donor eggs and IVF. "Just relax" "eat pineapple" "elevate your hips after sex" "pray" - trust me - they've probably not only tried all that, but have done more. Do not ever suggest that it is God's will. It's no more God's will that your friend can't get pregnant than it is God's will that a crack addict can produce baby after baby and neglect them. What you need to do is offer an ear - and mean it. Offer a shoulder to cry on. Understand that the treatment is taxing - the number of doctor's visits, having blood drawn every other day, getting ultrasounds every other day, the cost, the emotional ups and downs from hormones and expectations. Pay attention to your friend's reaction to news or activities that involve children. Some may want to be isolated, some may not.
Like I said before, it's really hard to be infertile in a world designed for families. I think as years go by and people learn more about it, it will become easier.

A no-picture post

It's Friday. I'm beat. My beloved has been away all week at a Firehouse Expo in Baltimore. He's having fun. I'm walking the dog, working my butt off and then walking the dog again. Work is so busy, I've been bringing stuff home. I had visions of doing a bit of a diet while A. was away - but I haven't been too good about it. Tonight, I plan to go home, drink wine and eat pizza. I may sit on the porch and read too. I have a South Beach pizza in the freezer, but I think I'll go out and get one from our favorite pizza place. And I think that I will be horribly selfish and get onions on it too. That's selfish because A. does not like onions, so that means all the leftovers will be mine! He's due home tomorrow night, so there may not be any left by then anyway. I got a bunch of books from Amazon today. Two are the kind that you are supposed to read to be well read - Rebecca and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn - the others are more like beach reads. I have to finish the book I'm reading now first though The Bourne Ultimatum. It has become a "can't put down" read for me. One of the books I got is about infertility and how it impacts a marriage. I think it's fiction. I've been told it does not have a stereotypical "she relaxed and got pregnant" ending. I wouldn't read it otherwise.

Back to real life - my boss is leaving in two months - going to another town. People have asked if I am interested in his job. I don't think I am - which says to me that I should not do it. I am concerned about the politics that you get hit with at his level. I'm much safer - more insulated where I am. I'm also not convinced that I am ready for his job. I wanted another 5 years, during which I could learn, take some courses in areas where I feel I have a weakness and get myself ready. The other thing is - I don't think they would pay me what they are paying him. His current salary is about 20% more than what I make. I think that max, they would give me about 10% more than what I am getting now. I don't think that would be sufficient compensation for the increased responsibility, hours and aggravation. And as A. said - what happens if I don't like it - I can't exactly go back and positions in my current field don't open up everyday. I'm limited in where I can work by where we have to live - so - all things considered, I'll likely stay right where I am.

So A. has been gone for a week. The last time he was away from me (as opposed to me being away from him) for this length of time was when he went to New Orleans with the FDNY after Katrina. That was when I started this blog! I'll have to go back and read it from the start - see what kind of progress I have made!

drive by post

Just a quick post to show off some of my flowers. The yellow dahlia is a dinner plate dahlia. It's at least 7 inches across! I like the lilies too. I didn't plant them. They are an unusual color. The hydrangeas are from the same bush as the purple one - go figure.

thinking about gardens

I'm enjoying my lunch hour, reading about perennials. I want to plan my gardens. I want color from spring to fall. I want a variety of colors, heights, bloom size. I think that, although the dahlias promise to be lovely, that I don't want to have to pull bulbs for the winter. I want to add some annuals, but not a lot. Weeding is work enough - who wants to plant all summer too.

I need to learn about my rose bushes - how to prune, what to feed them, how to move them - all sorts of stuff. I want to learn about hydrangeas too. Mainly right now I want to figure out how to dry the blooms, not grow them. So - off I go to do research. In the meantime, for your viewing pleasure, some pictures of plants from my garden and one of the Boom Doggie. BTW - these were taken with my Palm Treo - so please excuse the quality.

Back from the Cape

I tried blogging on my Treo from the Cape. That didn't work out too well. I was not having too good a day. My mother was at a baby shower. There seems to be an explosion of pregnancies in our Cape neighborhood. It was hard watching my mother knit a baby blanket for someone else. I thought about how I should be there with my 10 month old baby, not a dog. But - that is my life. My dog is cute. So - here are some pictures from the Cape.

catching up

It's been a busy spring. Boomer's been in school, we've been to California and we've done a lot of work on the gardens. So - time to catch up with some photos. I'm learning some lessons in gardening. One is that I have no eye for how much mulch to buy! Another is to read up on flowers before planting. A co-worker grows dinner plate dahlias and I always thought they were lovely. So - I bought some bulbs and planted them. I had no idea how high they would grow, nor did I know I would have to pull the bulbs each winter and replant them each spring. Those suckers better be pretty! You can kind of see that I have staked them.

These next ones are balloon flowers - they look pretty. They are perennials. I like that idea.

My hydrangea! We didn't plant it, but we resurrected it! When we started out in the yard this spring, it looked kind of sad. I wish I had a before picture. We had pachysandra growing all around it. (Did I spell that right?) I don't like that stuff much. So - one Saturday was just pulling that crap out. It has done wonders for the hydrangea. Apparently the pachysandra would suck up all the water. I've been working on it, trying to encourage a more blue color - but I have to say, I'm liking the color we are getting.

Two owners ago, they had a lot of rose bushes. Some survived the people we bought the house from. This one here had about 9 or 10 buds on it this week! We plan to transplant it in the fall - move it to a better location. We have a several red bushes, two white, one yellow, one pink and one we don't know yet because it hasn't bloomed - but there is a bud. They are so fragrant. I have taught the dog to smell the flowers!!

And of course - there's the boom doggie and other stuff we did to the house. We built a second railing for the back steps. We painted the steps and the front porch grey, with the facing white. We also got some fake wicker furniture for the front porch. I love to sit out there, as does Boomer.

How I spent my weekend...

So - we had a little Nor'easter. We had a minor flood in the basement. Water was pouring through a hold in the foundation at one point. I had visions of being up all night to keep up with the water. Thankfully it slowed down and we got to sleep. These are pictures of what the yard looked like. It got worse later. And throught it all - the dog refused to go out and poop. We could get him to go pee, but he simply refused to poop. What was up with that!

The end is in sight - for this year anyway

Tonight is my last budget meeting for the year. I can't wait for it to be over. It's a loooooong process for me. We start working on the budget in December. Board meetings usually start the end of January and run through mid-April. So - I'm out at meetings at least twice a week. The first month or so is not as bad. We start reasonably early and end reasonably early. But then the second board starts meeting and they start later and end later. It's very hard to go to sleep when I've been on alert, working, focusing until 10:45 or so and then I go home and I'm still wound up. One good thing about board #2 - they won't go past 11 pm for their meetings because they don't want to pay the custodian overtime! So - anyway - tonight's the last night. Usually it's just a formality. The numbers were pretty much laid out Monday night - but - there are rumblings. One board member - who is mad he got booted as Chairman - wants to change the numbers. This could be the most interesting meeting of the whole process! But starting tomorrow, my life can get back to normal - to one meeting a month, instead of 2 or 3 a week.

just random thoughts

The Boom Doggie was a pain in the you know what last night. He was in bed with A. when I got home from work around 10:15. Didn't want to go to sleep after that. Got up again around 2:30. GRRRR - but so cute. How could you not love this cuteness? At 2:30 am - it's easy!It's raining. Andy Pettite's return will be rained out probably. I'm glad baseball is back.

Tennessee beat Rutgers for the women's NCAA. I don't think I've ever rooted for Tennessee before, but I did last night.

The budget season is almost over - thank God! Certain members of the board are so annoying. I think I have survived this year better than the last few because I go home and take a dinner break before the meeting. In year's past, I would just stay right through and be so tired. Not anymore. Not worth it.

More Boomie - just because. My pet needs pants.