Saturday, December 03, 2011
A Creature of Habit
That's me. I'm a creature of habit. I have routines. I'm comfortable with my routines. I don't like people messing with my routines. It's things like the order in which I get ready for work in the morning, parking in a certain spot, taking a certain route. Unfortunately, I'm sometimes disproportionately upset over forced changes to my routine when compared to the actual incident. Probably the worst is when someone parks in my favorite spot at work. If I'm in the right state, that can just throw my whole day off. So, why is this now a topic of my blog? Well, I have a regular routine related to annual event that is upcoming and now I found out that I won't be able to follow my regular routine. The event can be a difficult one for me, but I stick it out because there are people I see at it that I love and enjoy being with and I don't get to see them often enough. Following my typical routine allows me time alone to prepare, to decompress in advance, to get to a low-level, stable state. It helps put me in a place where I can handle the difficult part to the event. Being with people I enjoy provides the rest of the balance I need. I had already found out some time ago that my getting to be with the people I enjoy to hang with will be impaired or restricted. Now, I have found out that I will not be able to follow my typical routine to prepare, to decompress and have that calmness I need going in. I'm afraid I'll be keyed up from the start, anticipating bad things (because I have a tendency to borrow trouble), I'll be on edge working hard to hide my discomfort and it will end up being a miserable time for me. I'm feeling a little trapped already and I'm afraid it will get worse. I feel like there's nothing I can do about it without being seen as an unreasonable, selfish, cold, crazy bitch. I need to find something that will help me deal with it.