Sunday, October 12, 2008

I expected to be happy about this.

My brother's wife has told at least one relative that she is leaving my brother. I expected to be happy about it. I guess I am, but the rest of the story leaves me sad. She claims my brother has a gambling problem. With her - who knows if it's true. Her tales have sometimes had a bit of truth in them, so it's possible. I do know he used to play the daily lottery all the time. Whether this is or developed into a problem, I don't know. I don't have much contact with my brother anymore, because of the way his wife treats me, my sisters and my mother and because my brother has not only allowed it, he's tacitly endorsed it. So - I don't know if he really has a problem and if he does, how severe it is. I am sad about that. Could I have changed anything? Would I have done anything differently? I don't know. What I do know is that I am not in a position to say that I've witnessed his behavior, the conditions in their home, etc and to be able to make my own judgment. A very big part of me thinks that she may be exaggerating things. That is one of her MOs. She would, because if they are indeed splitting, she needs for it to be totally his fault. She will not accept responsibility. She needs other people to be bad for her to feel that she looks good. And the fact that she has gone to my cousin and told him this tale is also typical behavior for her. She's also trying to get in touch with my sister - the one who took the longest time to get on her list. My sister is avoiding her calls, she wants to talk to my brother first and get him to call our mother. I don't know how long it will be before his wife calls my mother to tell her how "awful" my brother is and give her tale of woe.
I'm worried about my brother. What if it's true? He needs to get help if it is. Will she be trying to drive a wedge between him and the kids - if she hasn't been working on that already? We've always worried that her last move, after successfully separating him from his family, would be to move to separate him from his kids. She may have gotten there.
So, I expected to be happy when I got word they were divorcing, not to have this lump in the pit of my stomach. I hope my brother comes out of this okay. That's the most important thing.


Brenna said...

This is so tough K, I hope you can get to the real story if not mend things with your brother.

annie said...

Wow, that's rough. I hope that she's lying or exaggerating. In the end, the people that know your brother will know what a lying, manipulative "B" she is, and will stick by him. The other people? Screw them. He won't need them.

I hope you are able to re-connect with him some.