I travelled to California this week. I went out there to interview for the Presidency of my national professional association - same thing I went after last year and didn't get. Maybe this year is my year - if not, I'm not trying again. Anyway - I had lots of things running through my head while I was on the plane, so I wrote them down, planning to post them on my blog when I got home. So - here it is, as written, no editing (except to protect the innocent). It's really just a stream of thoughts.
I'm on a plan. Flying west. Feeling lost, scared, nervous. I'm out of my element. Missing A. I'mnot the same person I was before him - not as independent and self-reliant. I wonder where she went - that woman I was. But I love who I am now. Wife, partner, friend, lover. I am a better me with him. It's not easy to be apart from him. I want to do this. It's scary. It means more to me than last year maybe. Is that an advantage? I will be the outsider tomorrow night - not part of the in group. I'll feel welcome, but a little odd. Need to put on that persona - the at ease, confident woman they expect. I hope that made the trip wiht me. It will be okay as soon as I'm with everyon. I'm sure I'll fall into the groove. Is she really me? Will I be ready tomorrow? Will I impress? I need to practice, find the second me, not the scared lonely me who is missing her other half.
Later - I got a little more practical. You have to understand that when I have a big presentation or something like this interview, I feel that if I look my best, all put-together, then I don't worry about that and I feel more at ease going in - you know - not all focused on "will they notice how flat my hair is" kind of thing. I also look for omens - I'm superstitious. So - here are the rest of my thoughts from my trip, from right before I went in for my interview.
Cell phone dead. Two nail chips - can only band-aid one. Too much mousse, sticky hairspray - but looks okay - just kind of stiff. Dolphins! So - good omens or bad? Anderson Cooper is funny, but it's weird to watch "live" shows that are taped.
And, off I went. I think I did a good job in the interview, but who knows. So much of this is whether or not you are the type of person they are looking for to lead the group. Hopefully I fit the bill this year. If not, well, I'll just indulge in some retail therapy.