Friday, April 13, 2012

I'm having a moment - a good one

If you've read my blog for a while, you know that I tried, but couldn't have children.  That was devastating to me.  There are a lot of people who don't get how painful it is.  How could they - they've never experienced anything like it.  There are people who don't understand when you stop trying.  For some, it's because they are afraid of what you represent - that it may be their fate as well.  There are, of course, people who do get it, even if they have had children - with or without medical assistance or adoption.  And there are people who try to get it, maybe they don't - but they try.  There are some wonderful women on a board I used to belong to who fall into those last two categories and the support I got from them, I'll always appreciate. 
So - to the moment I'm having.  I made a commitment a while back to find happiness in my life despite not being able to have children.  I was determined that I would have a happy and fulfilling life.  I did not want to wallow.  Not too much anyway.  I think I have done a good job of finding things in life that make me happy.  I've learned - for the most part - to stop longing for the life I planned and to love the life I have.  But with all that, I've never looked on myself as having succeeded in the world of infertility.  After all, I'm still infertile.  But today, I read a post in a blog I follow that has made me look at it differently.  I have succeeded.  Infertility did not defeat me.  I may not have defeated infertility, but infertility did not defeat me.  I am living happily.  I am living a good fulfilling life.  I went through the dregs of artificial reproduction treatment and miscarriage and came out the other end.  I may not have come out where I hoped, but I did come through.  Thank you Mali for helping me see that.  For a good read - go to


Aimee said...

I love this, Kate... and I have so much respect for how you live your life. Always have. There are lots of ways to have a happy life, and infertility took but only one. You are right -- it did NOT defeat you.

loribeth said...

Wasn't that a fabulous post?? : )

Mali said...

Wow. I'm overwhelmed to pop in to catch up here, and find you referencing my post. You're so right and I like the way you put that. Infertility does not defeat us.

Jen said...


I just recently started following your blog and got a chance to most of your past entries. You have been blogging for more years than I, but I see that we have walked a very similar path of infertility. I too have decided to enjoy my life even though I am childless. Love your post and so agree that infertility didn't defeat us. I also see you are from New England, I'm in Connecticut, we are very close in age, you love to knit (your pics are beautiful) and I am a fairly new knitter 2 years in. Love that I find a "kindered spirit" here because sometimes we "infertile" feel so alone in this fertile world.

Kate B said...

Thanks for posting! I'm a CT girl myself, living in NY for love. What saves me is working in CT - so I get to go "home" everyday! I'm glad if I make you feel a little less alone in the fertile world.