Happiness is...

an emptied out storage room! WOOHOO! My vacation last week was well spent. We cleaned out the basement on Tuesday, then Thursday and Friday cleaned out the storage room. That's $100/month back in our pockets. Of course, now we need to clean out the basement again - but we got a good start on that last night. It's amazing the things that I had saved. There were some found treasures and there were some "what was I thinking" items. I am, by nature, a pack rat. I think I did a good job chucking stuff last week and last night though. I'm learning that, in decorating, less is more.

Friday Photos

Five years ago today...

Intarsia. Insane or Brave?

I decided that I wanted to make myself a small UCONN blanket for football games when it gets colder. I decided that it needed to have a C in the middle - something akin to the UCONN football logo if I could manage it. So, I graphed out a C. It's close. It's not perfect. The logo has more rounded top and bottom than I can do in stitches, given the space I've allotted for my C. The C will be blue on a white background. Next, I tried to decide what would go around the C. Bring out the colored pencils and the graph paper. Do I do a bunch of blocks? I could do mitered blocks - never done them, but something I've been wanting to try. I could do striped mitered blocks even. I could do a log cabin blanket. I could do the courthouse steps version of a log cabin blanket. I could do just plain old stripes. I could do a blue section around the C block, then a bigger white section around that. Really - tons of possibilities. I decided that some of them would be just too busy. The courthouse steps blanket I sketched had blue horizontal stripes going out from center and white strips going out vertically - the winner. But, hmmm, aren't those best done in garter stitch? Truthfully, I suppose you could do it in stockinette, but I wanted to do it in garter. Can you do intarsia in garter stitch? Yes, the wonders of the web assured me, it could be done. So here I am, the C is half done. It's not so hard as I would have imagined. The garter stitch is squishing my C a bit, so I'm not following my little graph exactly - going to go more by proportions and I think I will have to do a little embroidery in some areas to help form the angles/curves of the C. It won't be a blanket that will win a blue ribbon, but for a first attempt at designing something in intarsia - I'm pretty dang proud! I'm using yarn that was purchased based on washability - I am, after all, planning to bring this blanket to tailgates and football games. I think it will be quite cool - and hopefully quite warm!

Happiness is....

football season! WOOHOO! I love football. We had our first UCONN tailgate on Saturday. It rained, but we had the tent. UCONN ended up losing the game in sad fashion - a holding penalty in the end zone gave UNC a safety. But, they did play better than people expected, given the losses to graduation. Then the Giants beat the 'Skins on Sunday - awesome! If only the Giants on my fantasy football team had scored me a few more points! I think part of why I love football is the weather - at least at the beginning of the season. By the end - ooh it's cold. I'm going to start knitting a little UCONN lap throw to bring to the games at the end of the season. It will be my first attempt at intarsia. Eeek!

Starting the week off right

Let's start the week with pictures. We have a shawl I knit, garden shots and, of course, Boomer.

8 years ago today

Time goes on, wounds heal - but we must never forget what happened eight years ago today. I know that I never will. It is up to us to remember, to teach the next generation. We need to tell them about the horror that was visited upon us day. But we also need to tell them about the heroes who went running into the building trying to save thousands - and many were saved. We need to tell them about the passengers who fought back on the fourth plane and in doing so, saved the lives of many. We need to tell them how every day Americans lined up to give blood for the injured. We need to tell them how volunteers came from all over to donate their time, their money, their property to help with the recovery effort. We need to tell them how people donated fire trucks to the city who lost so many of their own. And how 4 years later, when New Orleans was devastated by Hurricane Katrina, the FDNY gave back to the people of the city that had given to them in their time of need. We need to tell them how Americans came together in prayer and in patriotism. We need to tell them that we were bowed, but unbroken, that though the Twin Towers fell, the Statue of Liberty stood tall. Terrorists struck at the heart of America, but America has a bigger heart than they could have imagined. We must never forget.

Happiness is....

....good sleeping weather. I love it when the nights start turning cold. I can turn off the a/c and open the windows and sleep comfortably. I'm not really ready for summer to be over - so give me more hot days, but keep my nights cool. I want this kind of weather year round. Is there such a place? I could go for a three season area. Spring, with its warming weather and promise of summer. Summer with the warmth and sunshine. And I love fall - the crisp air, the cool nights - except for that it means winter is coming.

Childless v Childfree

There's a difference you know. One involves a choice. One does not. One implies wanting, longing, sadness and despair. One declares a kind of liberation, freedom, happiness. For the childfree, there are the luxuries of not having children. For the childless, there are the sorrows of not having children. I am childless. It was not a choice. (see note below)

I do not deny that I have said things like "if we are not going to be able to have kids, then I want the benefits of not having kids." But I did not seek those benefits. So don't tell me they are a luxury. They are only a pitiful attempt at a salve for the wound of childlessness. Those benefits will never replace the joy of a child. I would trade the agonies of temper tantrums, sleepless nights, dirty diapers, teething, interrupted errands, endless laundry - all of it - all of the down side of parenting - all of it - over the benefits of not having children any day. A childfree person would not do that. A childless person would. I would.

Don't ever tell me how lucky I am to be able to sleep in because I don't have kids. Or be able to afford a nice car because I don't have kids. Or go on vacation because I don't have kids. Or go where I want, when I want and spend as much time as I want doing it because I don't have kids. I know I can. But I didn't want it that way. Saying that stuff is like pouring salt in my wound. That implies I made a choice instead of being handed a diagnosis. I will live with my wound. I will have a happy life despite my wound. But still, it is there. I am childless, not childfree. There is a difference.

(Side note - We can not have children naturally, we can not afford to adopt. I don't want to hear the "why don't you just adopt" response because that comes from ignorance of just what it takes to adopt both emotionally and financially.)

Celebrating a Friend

Yesterday I played golf. It was a tournament in honor of my friend Patrick who died last fall. It was a fun day, well attended by his friends and colleagues. Proceeds from the tournament will go towards scholarships in his memory. The day started off a little chilly. I was glad I thought to bring a fleece. It warmed up though and turned into a gorgeous, late summer day. I was playing with friends, so there was lots of laughter. There was a golf-housing development along side the course - I couldn't live there. In one section, every house was the same. The design, the color - everything. The only thing that changed was which side the garage was on. Not for me. My old boss was there. I once respected his drive as mayor. Now I look at him and think - what a doofus. I think he's trying to hard to be the youthful, energetic, cheerful guy - and it's just ringing false. There was another mayor there - one who is likely going to jail or at least on trial. I'm thinking that keeping a low profile would be the thing - but that's just me. Anyway, I had a fun day, despite not playing my best golf. But - as they say - a bad day at golf is better than a good day at work.

For my reader friends - yes, I did get a cheesecake as a birthday cake this year. It was from my staff. The one who bought the cake - well - I'll just say I'm not surprised by it. But, I shouldn't complain because it was thoughtful of her to get it for me. And all I have heard on the spirit squad v. cheerleader thing so far is that the spirit squad will not be doing the gymnastic type stuff but will "connect" more with fans, leading them in cheers. Huh? Like the cheerleaders didn't do that? And we enjoyed the gymnastic stuff and the pyramids and all. So, I'm still on my bring back the cheerleaders kick.

Friday Photos

Well, I haven't taken any new photos this week, so I'll post a couple older ones. And I'll share some random thoughts.

Cheesecake is not birthday cake. Maybe for someone else, not for me.

If you are going to wear tight white jeans, you need to choose your underwear carefully.

I love my Yankees, but a car with Yankees pinstripes on it? Don't think I'll be driving that one.

UCONN dumped its cheerleaders for a "spirit squad". Seriously. Bring back the cheerleaders. They added to the football games. They were good. They got the crowd cheering. A "spirit squad"? Seriously?

I found the spot on Boomer that when you rub it makes his little leg go like he's trying to scratch. It's fun.

I hate my scale

I'm blaming the scale. I don't get it. Since we got back from vacation, I've been very good about my eating. And I have nothing to show for it. I start looking like I'm going down a bit and then wham - the scale goes back up. I've been trying to walk at least once a day. I'm watching my weight watchers points and nothing. I don't get it. I feel like right now I'm not going to lose weight unless I get sick and can't eat for several days. Add that to some stuff my body is pulling on me right now and I'm just generally not happy with it.

The joy of lifelines...and the agony of frogging

If you knit lace, you know what I'm talking about. Last night, I was working on my Shetland Shawl. It's usually my lunch time project, but I'm not making fast enough progress on it when I only work on it for 30 minutes (at most) a day. So, I brought it home and was zipping along. Then the dog needed to go out. No worries - I was on a purl row, so didn't have to be concerned about where I left off. I just put some point protectors on the end and took the dog out. When I came back to pick up my knitting, it had gotten wedged in the seat cushion - must have been some evil knitting witch that did it. Thing is - I didn't realize it, just went to pick it up and off came the point protector and several stitches. The yarn is so thin and the stitches so small that, despite my best efforts, I couldn't put them back on the needle and be assured that they were all there. I could have cried. Okay I did a little. Now was the time to pray that this lifeline thing I had read about worked. A lifeline is where you string something through a good row so that if you need to frog (undo your knitting) those stitches will be sitting pretty on that string. I had begun to wonder if the pain of putting the lifeline in and then the annoyance of it when I'm knitting the next row (the string sometimes tries to work it's way into the next row sometimes) was worth it. Let me tell you friends, it was. I was able to go back to that lifeline and pick up all my stitches and start back up. I lost a few rows of knitting, but thankfully no more than that.
BTW - it is very cool to see the shawl take form. I've never knit with such thing yarn - and there is thinner stuff than what I am using. When I go from working on the shawl using fingering weight yarn, to working on my current blanket, which is worsted weight -it makes the worsted feel HUGE! May I also say that I love both yarns I'm using right now. The color of the shawl is a baby blue - just lovely. And the yarn for the blanket is vibrant and soft, so soft. I think I would use the worsted yarn for everything if it weren't just a little on the expensive side.

Happiness is...

....seeing that nasty, weaving, speeding, tailgating driver pulled over by the cops. Well - it would be if I saw it. Someday - someday - please let me see that! Today's driver was in a red Mercedes SUV thing that can only be described as fugly. Seriously - a fugly Benz? I didn't think that was possible - but there is was and it was red. With a black top. Ugh. I'm so disappointed. On some of those days when I'm really struggling with the infertility thing, I try to make myself happier by thinking - "well we can afford some things that we wouldn't be able to have if we had kids". Trust me, it's very little comfort, but it's some. Anyway - a Benz is one of those things that is on my list. When A's truck is paid off in 2 years, my current lease will be up and the theory is that I can get any car I want. A Benz, a BMW, a bigger Infiniti, an Audit - whatever floats my boat. And it won't be fugly.

Having one of those moments...

...You know - the moments when I get all weepy and sad because I can't have kids. Sometimes the trigger kind of surprises me.  And I get all teary wanting a baby of my own. I'm finding that I can be happy for people I care about that get pregnant, but I'm not over the fact that I can't. I don't think I ever will be, I think that I'll just learn to live with it. I've knit several blankets and have a couple more planned and I like that - but that's also partly about the challenge of choosing a pattern and colors and the thrill of completing something and saying "I did that." I don't get sometimes why certain things hit my heart more than others. Strangely, I feel more longing for a baby when I see pictures of 6-12 month old kids than seeing newborns. It's kind of weird how somethings affect me and others don't. I wonder why that is - if it's some kind of memory thing. Well, in the end - it is what it is. Life is what it is and I just need to keep slogging through and focus on the bright and happy in my life. Problem is - I can do that all I want, but it doesn't make the sad stuff go away, just holds it a bay for a while.

Friday Photos

These are some photos from our vacation on the cape. The dog is my sister's, the flowers are a neighbors. The bunny - well - see what he's doing! Bad bunny.

What I did on my summer vacation

I biked. A lot. We (A & I) rode the Cape Cod rail trail almost every day. We also rode the Cape Cod Canal trail one day. We did 17.5 miles the first day, skipped a day, then did 12 miles, 21 miles, 13 miles and 25 miles. The 13 miler may have been the hardest. That was on the Canal trail and the second half of the ride was into a serious headwind. We had been going 15-17 mph out, but struggled to do 13 mph coming back. It was excellent exercise. But, as with road driving, I found a few pet peeves. One - if you are passing someone, you should announce yourself - say something like "On your left". It's not only polite - it's smart. You don't let me know you are coming up from behind, I may for some reason move out to my left and then you'll go boom. Another pet peeve - people riding two or more across the bike path. Okay - if the other bikers are skilled, you should be safe, there should be enough room. But trust me - a lot of those bikers riding several across are not skilled. 3rd pet peeve - if you need to stop on the trail for some reason, pull off to the side. You make life a little difficult (the word little should be read with sarcasm) when you don't. In one instance, I was forced to come to a complete stop because some teenagers just stopped in the middle of the path. One thing I noticed is that kids wander - particularly those who are at that age where they've outgrown training wheels, but haven't really mastered biking. I don't have a problem with that. I don't think they can control it - but you have to watch out for them.
Anyway - riding was fun. I plan to keep it up. I like riding on the trail and plan to make use of the one in Westchester. Oh - and I took pictures while on the Cape, so those will be coming soon.

Did I always have sit bones?

Well, obviously I did. But seriously - I don't remember them being an issue when I was a kid. You just got on your bike and road. No padding in your shorts - just you and the bike. And I was a lot less fearful then. Going down hills was no big deal - I was a kid - I flew down them. As an adult, I'm slowly working up the courage to go down at more than 2 mph. I don't remember going up them being so bad either - just stand up in your seat and pedal harder. I'm getting there, but it's slow going getting back in biking shape. I wish I had never stopped riding - but that's what happens when you get a car. When I was a pre-teen, I would ride my bike all over. I remember riding to the Park & Rec summer camp that was on the other side of town. Not such a big deal. It's not that I did it every day, but it was not unusual for me to do it. Then I started driving a car. I tried to get back into biking about 8 years ago, but I had issues with the bike, had a minor biking accident (he drove his bike like he was drunk, but he looked about 8 yrs old, so I'm hoping he wasn't) and I found other ways to get exercise - or not. We have plans this time, ambitions, goals. One goal is to get my sit bones comfortable with the whole idea of biking! Another goal is to ride in a City bike ride that goes through all 5 boroughs next spring. And of course, there's the being fit and doing it together part - I like that one a lot.

Happiness is...

...lots of things this week! I made it up the hills riding my bike two days in a row! I love watching Boomer running around the yard, just as happy as can be. Then just laying in the yard soaking up the sun just as happy as can be. I got a good review at work this week. We are headed off on vacation soon. I'm working on a couple of knitting projects that have me excited. And finally, the scale is beginning to turn in my direction again. Now, I just have to be careful not to blow it while on vacation. Oh - and just because - a pretty picture from my garden. And maybe a Boomer picture too.

Miscellaneous Ramblings

I forgot to post pictures on Friday. Not to worry, I took some pics yesterday and will probably give you picture overload in the next day or so.

My sit bones hurt. We got bikes this week. We started riding Saturday morning. My sit bones are getting used to it. Bike shorts help - but despite feeling like the biggest GD sanitary napkin you ever wore, those little butt bones still make their presence known.

I need to work on hills. It doesn't help that my respiratory capabilities are a little compromised lately by this sinus thing I have going on. I can make medium hills, but the big ones - both up and down are a problem. I'm not comfortable flying down the hills like my husband. Way to stick together honey! And I had to walk up a couple of steep ones. And I'm thinking I really haven't seen steep.

When biking together, the lead biker should look back periodically to make sure the second biker is still there. One of us is good at this, one is not. Want to take a wild guess which one is not? Hint - he has a penis. Not sure if that has anything to do with it - but at some point, I may just have to clue him in that if he wants to get to continue to use said penis for pleasurable joint activities, he may want to look back once in a while to make sure his wife is still following.

We leave for vacation on Friday. We're not taking the Boom Doggie. He's getting a vacation of his own. I'm somewhat regretting that decision. I'm going to miss him. And I think he really enjoys going to the Cape. But, we intend to play golf and bike - be out doing stuff every day - so that would mean leaving him alone in the house or in the care of my mother and/or sister. We don't think it's fair to just dump our dog on my mom. Plus, part of me would be afraid that he would get loose. It's happened and he's not an easy dog to catch. In fact, he's pretty darn well impossible to catch until he's ready to be caught. That dog is fast. And smart. So, he's going to doggie day care/boarding for the week. He'll be happy and never know that he could have been at the beach.

Happiness is....

....a lot of silly, simple things if you are a dog. I'm constantly amazed of how little - at least in my eyes - it takes to make my dog happy. Some days, it's nothing more than going outside in the yard and sitting in the sun. Or running around the yard. Or going for a walk and sniffing every tree and hydrant. And telephone pole. Some day - no make that every day - it's being asked "do you want to eat your dinner?" Incredible how happy that makes him! And let's not forget belly rubs - just heaven for a dog.

Don't you ever wish your life was as simple as a dog's?