Monday, August 18, 2008

I knew the day would come....

...but I just wasn't ready for it. We got a call from A's brother Saturday. He and his wife are expecting their first child. She's due in March. I could only hear A's side of the conversation, but it was easy to figure it out. I just went upstairs, crawled onto my bed and cried. The dog came up - poor thing doesn't like it when I cry. A came up as soon as he got off the phone. He was just wonderful. I want to be happy for them, but at the moment, it's hard to feel anything but my own pain. It's a little weird - friends of mine have gotten pregnant and I have no problem being genuinely happy for them - why am I not immediately happy for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. Maybe it's because those friends have struggled to get pregnant and/or stay pregnant. Or maybe it's that this baby will be the first grandchild, not the child that I lost. I suppose it also may be that this pregnancy and this baby will not be at a distance. It will be there right in front of me at holidays, etc. I need to deal with it. I know it will get better. Today is already better than yesterday, which was better than Saturday. I'll get there.

3 comments:

Aims said...

Oh, Kate... There just aren't proper words except I'm here for you!

Dina said...

Kate, that sucks. Feel whatever you're going to feel without feeling bad about it, you're totally entitled. Will be thinking of you, let me know if you need to vent!

Me said...

I've told my husband to expect a sh!tstorm from me (including heaving drinking) when we get word that his sister is expecting.