I may be having a mid-life crisis. I have a birthday tomorrow. I'll be 47. My age is definitely bothering me. I don't feel my age for the most part. (There is the grey hair and the inability to get pregnant part.) I really feel like my attitude, my health - everything - is so much younger. So - it annoys me that I am going to be 47. I had this realization the other day - I may have lived over half my life already. How weird is that to be thinking! I know that I've worked more than half my working life already. To some, this may be a good thing, and to me it is, but at times I look at it and think - wow, life is just moving along to fast, I used to be young with it all in front of me. So - is this a mid-life crisis? Well - there's more. My car lease is up in October. Time to decide what to get next. I think that this is where my real problem is. I can not decide what I want to do. Do I want to upgrade my car? Do I want to stay with the kind I have? Or, do I want to downgrade and put the savings towards something else - like a yearly vacation to Mexico? I do not know what I want to do. I am so unsettled, this is driving me nuts. I am a bit of a planner. I like to know where I am going, what happens next, etc. If I know that - I'm in my comfort zone. I am so not in my comfort zone right now, not knowing what I really want to do about my car. It doesn't help that A and I have argued a bit over how important the rear legroom is. Add to that, I probably view what kind of car I drive as too much of an expression of who I am. My car has to look good. It needs to be comfortable as well. It's like this - I test drove an Acura TL over the weekend. Fine car, rides nice - but totally bland and boring design. On the other hand, the cheaper Mercury Sable & Toyota Camry have interesting looks to me. It's not just about money, it's about the look, the drive, etc. I also have this thing about not driving my grandfather's car. I feel too young for certain cars - the more plush ones like Cadillacs or the Toyota Avalon. When I think about it though - I think my father was around my age when he got his "Baby" - the Cadillac he had longed for. So - I'm back to the question of "is this a mid-life crisis?" A thinks it may be and has told me to get the car I want - whatever that is. Part of me wants to run out and do that (likely a BMW 335xi or an Audi A4) but there's the Virgo in me that says this is a large commitment, I must make a logical decision.
So - here's my bottom line. I don't think it's a mid-life thing. I think it's that I am so out of my comfort zone, not being able to make a clear decision on the direction I want to go with my car and this is all happening right around my birthday. I identify with the car I drive too much, but I don't think I can change that. Maybe I'll get lucky in the next month and there will be a deal on a car that is just too good to pass up and it will be one of my favorite to drive, not a sensible car that my grandfather would drive.