Thursday, November 06, 2008

Unvoiced Expectations

We all have expectations. Many times, we do not voice them. That can lead to disappointment, hurt feelings and anger. If your expectations are important to you, you need to voice them. You can not simply assume that others know what you want and will comply.

As you might guess, this is the subject of my blog today because it's happened in my world. My in-laws will be celebrating their 40th anniversary soon. They want to celebrate with their children. What a happy event to be a part of, and with two lovely people - what could be the problem? Unvoiced expectations would be the problem.

To make a long story short - all we were aware was happening this weekend was dinner with A's family Saturday night. Apparently A's parents expected more of a two day affair, including us spending the night on Saturday. We are not doing this. A already had committed to teach a class on Saturday and Sunday when the invitation to dinner was extended. As this didn't impact our ability to go to dinner, he did not back out of the class. We didn't know there were expectatons that we would be with the family for more than dinner. There may now be some hurt on the part of his parents that we are not falling in with all the plans they had, but how could we, when they never voiced those expectations to us. It's just really sad, because they really are such nice people and this is a special occasion. I want it to be a happy one. I hate to think that any kind of damper has been put on the celebration because of unvoiced - and now unfulfilled - expectations.

3 comments:

annie said...

It's times like these you really wish that you could say "I'm sorry, my mind reading device broke", isn't it?

Kate B said...

oooh - I love that response! Too bad I would get in trouble for saying it though.

Dina said...

Sorry you're bearing the burden. It's not such a hard thing to say what you want. I'll be thinking of you this weekend and wishing you strength and good humor...