Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Feeling Valued....or not

I'm still not feeling good after what happened here at work yesterday.  I'm feeling like I am not valued here.  Clearly, I am not as valued as NS.  I got a real reminder yesterday that I am a public servant, emphasis on the word servant.  Sometimes it really sucks to be reminded that, no matter how high up in the organization you may be, you are still just a peon - which really should be "pee on".  The discussion I had with A last night when I got home was not pleasant.  There was a lot of shouting.  I don't like it when he does things like go after NS and his ilk.  It's a very unattractive side of him.  But I really didn't like being put in the position to ask him to give up his right of free speech to protect my job.  And yeah, the HR director can come in to my office and tell me I'm not in trouble all she wants, but it sure felt like I was in trouble.  It felt like my job was in jeopardy if my husband didn't lay off NS and his buddies.  I should have asked the boss "What if A doesn't lay off?  What then?  Are you going to fire me?"  That would have put him in a spot.  Maybe a spot he needed to be put in to realize that he should never have gotten involved.  He should have told NS that it had nothing to do with my place of employment, that it was between NS & A.  This boss is does not rank up there with the ones I've had the most respect for and now I have less.  And now he's made me feel like I am not valued.  And that has consequences.  Right now, I feel no loyalty to this community, other than what I am paid to have.  I've even looked at other employment opportunities and am seriously considering sending my resume to a nearby employer. And what are they gaining from all this?  NS feels safe?  Good.  His department had asked A to teach a class.  Well, that's not happening.  Not if A is being told he needs to stay away from them, have nothing to do with them.  And he told his best friend what happened yesterday, so guess who else isn't teaching a class for them.  If it weren't for A's involvement, that department would have caused us to spend $500,000 more for a piece of equipment than was necessary.  That department has no qualms about spending money that is not theirs - but let's protect their sensitive egos from big bad A and let's do it by leaning on his wife.  My boss has empowered a bunch of schmoes by what he did and he's tied my hands.  How now am I supposed to deal with them when they want to waste money or put us at risk with poor procedures?
It sucks to have to deal with this.  And I'm hoping that in a bit of time, I'll be feeling better about things.  I really hope so because right now, I'm stuck here.  I can look at other jobs, but with my salary and the pension, I'm really kind of stuck here.

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