Boomer in action

Last night, I was cooking my dinner on the grill, when I noticed Boomer nosing around in the garden.  I thought he was after the bunnies again, but it turned out to be a much more evil foe!  Our neighbor was watering his garden on the other side of the fence and Boomer heard the noise of the water when it hit the fence and he was trying to get it.  I started laughing - told the neighbor what was going on - he then amused us both by directing the water at different parts of the fence.  I happened to have my camera out - so I got some great action shots of Boomer chasing the noise.  What the pictures couldn't capture was the pathetic crying from my fierce doggie!

Blooms, Bunnies & Boomer

Some pictures of the bunnies, my flowers and, of course, my dog.

Happiness is...

...warming up by snuggling with my husband.  Last night, when I got into bed, it was a little chilly.  So, I just snuggled up to A to get warm.  It was nice, so nice.  Because of his job, I sleep alone a couple of nights a week.  Yeah, it can be nice to have the big bed to myself once in a while, but I always sleep better when he is there beside me. 

bummer weigh in

I gained.  It wasn't entirely unexpected, but still - bummer.  I cheated multiple times this week and I paid for it when I weighed in this morning.  So, back on the wagon, must do better.  I shouldn't be facing any major challenges this week, but if one does show up, I need to show restraint.  I also need to keep up the exercise.  I don't have that much further to go, which should be my incentive to stick to it, not a license to relax.

A dog's instincts

Boomer is a mixed breed.  We believe he's part American Bulldog and part Pit Bull.  Both breeds have hunting instincts.  Boomer has shown that in the past.  So, when we found a nest of baby bunnies in our yard, we tried to keep Boomer away from them.  He actually responded quite well to the corrections and stayed away from the nest.  So, on Sunday, when I called A out to come see that one of them was partly out of the nest, I thought Boomer would be okay on the porch.  I didn't expect that baby bunny to take off across the yard.  Then Boomer did what his instincts told him to do, he caught the bunny.  It will be a while before I forget hearing the bunny squeal.  I didn't know bunnies made noise.  I screamed no several times, I grabbed Boomer. He dropped the little baby bunny and it scampered off, wounded.  I was so upset with Boomer.  No matter how smart we think he is, how many wonderful, human-like characteristics we might ascribe to him, he is still a dog.  He did what his instincts told him to do.  So, we found little baby bunny hiding in the grass.  Boomer had been put under house arrest.  The bunny fled from the grass to the gardens.  In all the commotion, two other bunnies fled the nest and went under a rose bush and two more hung out by the nest.  When A started the lawn mower, those two fled to the garden as well.  We tried to put the injured bunny back in the nest.  He hopped right out.  We continued to worry about it all day, checking on him in his new hiding spot.  Then A decided we would create a safe haven for the bunnies until they grew up and left.  So, we now have fencing around the area of the yard where their nest is.  Mommy bunny can get in, big bad Boomer cannot.  The wounded bunny appears to be doing okay.  We watched last night as he moved out of his hiding spot when his mother came.  She cleaned him and tended to him, so we are hopeful that he's going to make it. 
Last thought - I wish I could communicate with the mother and ask her "WTF were you thinking, building a nest in the middle of a yard where you knew there was a dog?"  Strangely, according to the research we have done on wild bunnies, they don't consider dogs to be predators.  One little bunny knows differently now!

Highway Musings

I wish there was a way to let other drivers know when you see a problem with their car.  I was behind someone today who had only one brake light working.  I really would have loved to have been able to tell her - but unless I had the opportunity to pull up next to her at a light, how would I?  There needs to be a way.
I really get annoyed - said it many times before - by people who ignore stop signs.  The worst are those who don't even pretend to pause.  And the people who don't want to wait in the left turn only lane because it's too long - so they go in the center lane and try to cut over at the last minute.  I wish I had a sign that I could flash at them that said "ASSHOLE". 
I also don't understand how oblivious some people seem to be on the highway.  Driving in the left lane, not keeping up to speed, totally unaware of the line of cars building up behind them.
And lights on when wipers are on!  I'm not sure if it's a law in all states.  It's what I was taught.  I wish that my car would do it automatically - yes lazy, I know.  My car has an auto on thing for lights - it determines when it is dark enough outside that you need lights on.  If I turn them on when I turn my wipers on, I'm always afraid of forgetting to turn them off.  So, wouldn't it be nice if there was some way that when you turn your wipers on in the daylight, your lights went on as well? 

Happiness is....

....a doggie playmate.  Boomer has one now!  Last summer our neighbors adopted a rescue dog.  She was very skittish when she arrived.  She didn't seem to like other dogs and growled at Boomer at their first meeting.  We've tried to slowly get them to know each other.  It's been funny to watch.  They'll bring her over (our back yard is fenced in, theirs is not) and she would sit there.  Boomer would try to entice her to play, but nothing.  With treats, corrections, encouragement, at first we just got them to be in the yard together with no growling or anything.  Then a couple of weeks ago, Boomer was running with one of Jessie's owners and she started to join in - but would then stop.  And she would only join if her owner was running too.  Last weekend, Boomer tried to get her to chase him - and she did!  It was awesome.  He went up to her, made a move, ran off - and she followed.  Two doggies slept very well that night.  It's been awesome to watch Jessie come out of her shell.  She's a sweet girl and it's fun to watch the dogs play together.

Even Steven

No gain, no loss this week, it's just even steven.  I'm not complaining.  Having been down the weight loss path many times before, I know that if I weigh myself again tomorrow, I'll probably see movement.  I wasn't perfect on the diet.  In fact, on Sunday, I was just jonesing for something sweet - so I went and got it.  I also didn't get in as much exercise as I normally would.  I hope that isn't the case this week - though I know I likely won't get exercise today as it is pouring.  Well, I could do an exercise video after work - so maybe I will.  On the other hand, my left achilles has been a little cranky, so maybe I should rest it.
Now, another challenge I'm facing is getting A on the weight loss bandwagon.  He will do really well, watching what he eats and working out for a while, then something derails him and he stops and just goes back to bad habits.  I have to say that I don't think his eating is that bad right now - at least not what I'm seeing.  It may be portion size more than content, but he's not working out at all and he's gained back the weight he lost when he started cross fit last year.  I don't get it because when he's working out and getting in shape, he feels so good about himself.  I encourage him, things go well - then something gets in the way of his workout schedule and that's it - he's done.  It's hard not to nag.  It's hard to find a way to encourage him to lose weight without making him feel bad about himself.  But I've got to find a way.  I see the FDNY Lt who died in a fire recently and the man was overweight.  More so than A is, but A's weight scares me with his job. The Lt didn't die from burns or crush injuries or smoke inhalation, they say it was a heart attack.  I look at him, then I look at A and I'm scared that it could happen to him.  And I don't know how to get him to be more fit.  I may have to go on a sex strike again.  It's worked before - get right down to what drives a man!

Knitting Trials & Tribulations

Currently, the big project on my needles is an afghan for my future sister-in-law.  It's sort of my own design, but the layout and some of the cabling elements come from the Burridge Lake Afghan (link is for Ravelry if you are a knitter).  I wanted something a little less busy than the Burridge Lake Afghan and I didn't like all of the cables in it and definitely not the Trinity Stitch.  So, I did some research and picked some cables I liked, figured out which would work well together in terms of repeats, decided on the cables, figured out the spacing I wanted and came up with my pattern.  Like the Burridge Lake Afghan, I am knitting this in panels.  I'm nearly done with the first panel - just trying to decide if it is long enough.  Should it be just a lap afghan or should it be long enough that FSIL and cover herself head - well shoulder - to toe with it?  If I want the latter - do I have enough yarn.  So last night I was doing math.  One ball of yarn is getting me about 118 rows.  At that rate, I will need just over 3 balls to complete the first panel.  Since the third panel is the same series of cables - just left to right instead of right to left - the third panel should take the same amount of yarn.  The center panel is double the width of the others - in stitches anyway - so theoretically it should be double in terms of yarn usage.  So, if basically I need a total of 7 balls of yarn to do panels 1 & 3, then panel 2 should take 7 balls of yarn.  I have 16, so I should be good.  While I was doing this math last night and pondering the yarn issue - I took a quick look at panel 1 and saw one cable where I failed to cross it.  Had I crossed it the wrong way, I would have just let it be - let it be a design element.  But I didn't cross it at all.  I didn't like the way it looked.  So, I sucked it up, took those 8 stitches down to the error and have been reknitting.  Notice I didn't tink the whole thing back - just those 8 stitches.  This is the first time I've tried something like that and I am so damn proud of myself!   It's not easy, I'm actually doing a little continental knitting here, only problem is I'm twisting my purl stitches.
So, back to the yarn issue.  I decided this morning that what I would do is stop knitting on panel 1 where I am, put the stitches on some waste yarn.  Then I will knit panel 3 to the same point and put it on waste yarn.  Then I'll do the center panel and see where I stand when that gets to the same point.  And for anyone who is curious, the reason I'm knitting panel 3 before the center panel is that 1 & 3 are identical - just mirror images.  If I find that the I'm not happy with the projected width of the afghan after doing 1 & 3, then I can enlarge the center panel and continue to have the project be symmetrical.

Was I crying for her or for me?

The woman I wrote about in yesterday's post called me at work yesterday.  We talked some, mostly she talked, I listened.  I tried to affirm her feelings, tried to give her some advice.  After I got off the phone with her, I cried.  I really didn't expect that.  Some of it was sadness for her, but mostly I think it was dredging up old sorrows of mine.  Her situation was very similar, where they told her at one visit that the heartbeat was slowing, to expect a loss and then it happened.  So, I had a good cry.  I was drained by it.  I got home last night and just wanted hugs from A and Boomer.  I sat outside with A while he cooked and I drank a glass of wine.  I looked at him, at Boomer, at our yard and I know how very lucky I am, how very much I have.  It's hard though, to not be sometimes sad at what we don't have.

Sharing experience, trying to help

The wife of someone I know recently suffered a miscarriage.  When the husband first announced her pregnancy and I found out she was only 6 weeks along, I did an inner cringe and thought that he shouldn't be sharing the news so soon.  Sadly I was right.  We talked yesterday, she's having a hard time.  Well, who wouldn't be having a hard time.  Sadly, her closest female relatives don't get it and are bumbling with being supportive and falling into age old traps - like thinking it would be good to be around babies.  Oy.  So, he came to me to see what I had done, to whom had I turned for help.  I gave him the name of the therapist I saw.  I offered to be available to his wife.  I was honest about the general suckiness of their reality.  The sad thing, for me, is that I can offer support, I can offer advice, I can listen, but I can't make their pain go away any faster.  And I really wish I could. 

Another step closer

I'm down another pound!  Yay!  I was kind of worried Sunday when I weighed myself and was up a little.  But I kept in mind that weight can fluctuate weirdly sometimes, it could just be water weight.  And it looks like I was right.  I didn't really do anything different this week, but I was only out to dinner once.  I had one beer that night and that was it.  It wasn't because of the diet, it was because I was looking at a 1 hour ride home, including going up and over a mountain.  Okay, a big hill - but it's a really, really big hill with windy, twisty roads.  I also added a little bit of weights to my working out.  I'm serious about the little part.  I'm only working on my arms right now, because I'm doing this at home.  My arms are my worst part - that double goodbye is really bad.  I'm considering changing gyms to one that will be closer to home and that offers more - like classes and a pool.  It will be more expensive, not a lot more but enough that I will feel guilt if I don't go.  So, I need to think about it, since during the summer, it's so much easier to get my exercise by walking in the neighborhood.

Friday Photos

Some photos for a beautiful Friday.  We have some knitting - some finished, some WIPS - some flowers and some Boomer.

Happiness is....

.....beautiful new yarn!  I received some yarn in the mail this week that I ordered in March.  It is a beautiful green, with some subtle variegation.  I love, love, love the color.  I plan to make a shawl or stole with it and I plan to wear that shawl or stole to a big dinner we are going to in September.  Nothing like planning in advance!  It will be one of the choices to make the trip to Italy for the wedding in October as well. I haven't quite decided on the pattern yet.  I'm leaning towards one that is kind of Irish in design. 
I've got a lot of knitting plans this year - don't know if I'll get to do them all.  I need to prioritize.  I'm currently working on the afghan for FSinL.  I also want to do a baby surprise jacket for my niece for her 1st birthday.  That should be relatively easy to knock out.  I have multiple shawls I would like to knit for myself.  I would like to knit my husband a pair of nice socks - dress ones, unlike the ones I knit for him to wear under his scuba gear.  I want to knit an afghan for BinL.  I want to knit a baby blanket for friends who are expecting their first and then there's a guy in A's firehouse who is expecting his first that I should put on the knit list - but those unfortunately will be low priorities considering what else I want to do.
Priority #1 is the afghan for FSinL.  That's my evening project.  Realistically, I think I can have it done by mid-July.  Then the shawl for myself that is currently my work-lunchtime project.  I only get about 30-45 minutes a day with it, but it should be done in a week or so at that rate.   I think I will next do the BSJ for my niece.  That can be a luncthime project.  That won't take too long, even at only 30 minutes a day.  I may try to squeeze in another quick shawl for me before the BSJ.  I think that then I'll devote my lunch hours to turning my lovely green yarn into a lovely shwal.  When the afghan for FSinL is done, I may start right in on the one for BinL as my at-home in the evenings project.  His will be a simpler pattern and should go much faster.  
Wow - so much.

No movement to speak of

I kind of expected it just before I got on the scale - no change.  I wasn't really bad during the week, but I wasn't perfect either.  And exercise suffered.  But, the budget is done, so it's back to only one night meeting a month.  That means I should be able to get some more exercising done.  I've got about 5 pounds to go to get to my goal.  Honestly, I would like to go a little bit further, and I will try.  But 5 more pounds is a must.  It's a good feeling as I'm fitting into clothes I couldn't wear last summer - or at least could not wear comfortably.  I've never been one to be able to wear pants that are tight around my waist.  Whenever I see someone who clearly had to lay down and suck it in to button their pants, I wonder how they can stand it - but that's them, not me.  Anyway, I'm not thrilled to see no movement this week, but I'm not worried or giving up.  I'll be doing my best to stick to the diet and get lots of exercise in this week.

I'm having a moment - a good one

If you've read my blog for a while, you know that I tried, but couldn't have children.  That was devastating to me.  There are a lot of people who don't get how painful it is.  How could they - they've never experienced anything like it.  There are people who don't understand when you stop trying.  For some, it's because they are afraid of what you represent - that it may be their fate as well.  There are, of course, people who do get it, even if they have had children - with or without medical assistance or adoption.  And there are people who try to get it, maybe they don't - but they try.  There are some wonderful women on a board I used to belong to who fall into those last two categories and the support I got from them, I'll always appreciate. 
So - to the moment I'm having.  I made a commitment a while back to find happiness in my life despite not being able to have children.  I was determined that I would have a happy and fulfilling life.  I did not want to wallow.  Not too much anyway.  I think I have done a good job of finding things in life that make me happy.  I've learned - for the most part - to stop longing for the life I planned and to love the life I have.  But with all that, I've never looked on myself as having succeeded in the world of infertility.  After all, I'm still infertile.  But today, I read a post in a blog I follow that has made me look at it differently.  I have succeeded.  Infertility did not defeat me.  I may not have defeated infertility, but infertility did not defeat me.  I am living happily.  I am living a good fulfilling life.  I went through the dregs of artificial reproduction treatment and miscarriage and came out the other end.  I may not have come out where I hoped, but I did come through.  Thank you Mali for helping me see that.  For a good read - go to http://nokiddinginnz.blogspot.com/2012/04/real-success-stories.html

A pleasant surprise!

After discovering that Easter could be a real eating holiday, I was surprised not to have gained weight this week.  Indeed, I lost a little.  Not much of a loss - but I guess sticking to the diet the rest of the week really paid off.  This is the last week of my budget meetings, so I'll be able to kick the exercise back up by the end of the week.  Yay!  I've really been enjoying my walks and now will get to adding some weights.  I have only one eating challenge that I'm aware of this week - a lunch tomorrow, which is pretty manageable.  So, I'm creeping ever closer to my goal.  After that will come another test - maintaining.

Happiness is....

.....the end being in sight.  Three more budget meetings - one this week, two next week.  They've been longer this year than in the past few years, but back then we were doing two a week always, so I'll take fewer but longer. 
Another thing to be happy about - got the news on our taxes last night.  Looks like we'll be able to redo the electric service to the house and put some money in savings.  Yay!  In fact, enough left to put in savings to cover the trip to Italy if we can't use frequent flyer miles. 

Back on track

I did a good job sticking to the diet this week.  I still had some cheats in there, but nothing excessive.  And it paid off.  I'm down about 2 pounds from last week.  I figure that it wasn't all in this week, maybe some of what showed on the scale last Tuesday was just temporary.  I've kept up the exercise, but I want to add some weights in.  This week will be tough for exercise as I've got two night meetings - same next week - but then I'll be back to once a month.  I think I'll start slowly getting back into weight work - just maybe a few arm exercises after my walk.  The arms are my worst spot, so a good place to start.

Pictures! OMG!

It's been a while since I've posted pictures - so here are some knitting ones.  And Boomer too.  The first few are of my latest finished object.  I have fallen in love with a new yarn - plucky knitter primo fingering.  So soft, beautiful colors.

 Next up is a baby blanket - easy pattern, simple cables, pick up stitches around the edges and do a broken rib pattern.  I love the color combination.  I may have posted these before.

 Emmy's sweater - just so cute - even if posted before, it deserves another showin.

 And Boomer - doing what he does best, sleeping.  Can you believe the position he will get in sometimes!  Obviously the dog has no modesty.

backsliding

Oh well - pay back for cheating on the diet has to happen sometime and it did this week.  It's not so bad really - about 1/2 a pound.  I'm not too worried about it.  I don't anticipate any benefits or parades where I'm indulging - wholeheartedly indulging! - this week, so I should be right back on track next week.  I'm keeping up with being active too.  I do want to add in some strength training, not sure what I want to do there though.

and it's still good

Scale is still headed the right way.  It could have gone further - but I had some fun this weekend.  Being Irish, I couldn't pass up celebrating St Patrick's Day!  A marched in the NY parade, he carried one of the 343 flags that headed up the FDNY contingent.  I got teary - as always - when they turned the corner and there's the 343 banner and then all the flags.  Just in case someone doesn't get it - the 343 flags are in memory of the 343 firefighters killed in the 9/11 attacks.  After the parade, we went to a couple of bars with friends.  We saw Shilelagh Law - well, we heard them, couldn't actually see the stage - and it was so much fun!  Totally worth not losing as much as I could have this week!  I'm keeping up the exercise too.  Walked a lot on St Patrick's Day and I've walked pretty much every day in the neighborhood.  I'll be taking today off from walking though, as I've got a board meeting tonight, so I don't want to get all sweaty and mess up the hair.  I'll be on local TV you know, must look my best!  hahahah

Moving in the right direction

Second week in a row!  YAY!  The stricter diet is paying off and it's really not that bad.  I've had my cheating moments - like a week ago Sunday when I had almost a whole pizza from the Colony.  I think the difference so far is that I'm not constantly pushing it with a cheat here and there.  I realized how much my peanut butter habit was costing me in terms of calories!  And I've upped the exercise - recommitted to that.  It's a bit easier to exercise with the warmer weather we've been having.  It's no longer a choice of go to the gym and work out or get home to let the dog out.  Now, I can get home, let the dog out, go for a walk - sometimes even take him with me.  On the weekends, it's not "I don't feel like driving to the gym to exercise."  It's just a matter of putting on the sneakers and heading out the door.  So, I'm moving slowly but surely towards my goal.  But, I am cheating this weekend.  After all - it's St. Patrick's Day Saturday!

It's Friday!

This has actually been a rather good week!  Considering the settling of whether or not I had a medical issue was the best, there was other good stuff.  My more rigid diet plan is working.  YAY!  I had a good ratings presentation (work thing) in the City on Wednesday.  Then I went to the Big East tourney and UCONN won.  They lost yesterday to Syracuse, but played well and they are sure to get into the NCAAs.  And the weather has been lovely.  I haven't made it to the gym, but I did a lot - I mean A LOT! of walking on Wednesday.  I went again yesterday with my puppy dog.  On the train home Wednesday, I kept walking looking for a seat where I could both face forward and have a little space - that resulted in me seeing a friend that I haven't seen in a couple of years and spending the train ride home catching up with her.  The weather has been so nice, all in all, a good week.

Really exhaling now

So, after the whole issue with is it a cyst or breast tissue last week, my GYN wanted me to go to a breast specialist.  I'm good.  It's breast just normal tissue.  Apparently how you hold the ultrasound wand can make a big difference.  Seriously folks.  This was just freaking ridiculous.  And one of the offenders was a doctor!  And this all just gave me a little insight into ways our medical costs get increased.  Overkill on testing and incompetence on several levels don't help keep costs down.  And now, I think I am the subject of patientnapping.  Where do you think I'm going for my next breast ultrasound in 6 months?  Not that I want to go back to the other place, but the breast surgeon I saw today kind of lassoed me as a patient and I'll be going back there for my ultrasound.  I feel more comfortable with her though.  She's a specialist and with family history, that's where I want to be if something ever turns up.  She explained more to me than anyone else had and asked more questions than anyone else had.  Whew.  I'm having a drink tonight - after my meeting of course - but I deserve it!

Exhaling, a bit

I have dense breasts.  Lucky me.  This means that every year, in addition to a mammogram, I get sent for an ultrasound.  It's not painful, though it is a bit messy with that goop they use.  Last year, there was something the doctor wanted to keep an eye on.  This year, new radiology center, new viewpoint.  The new doctor took a look, compared this year's ultrasounds with last year's and decided that the something had increased significantly in size, so she wanted a needle biopsy.  I was doing okay with it, until I went in for the biopsy and read the paperwork - including the "increased significantly" part.  While waiting to be taken back, I'm worrying.  About the pain I might feel, the 1/8" to 1/4" incision they will make.  About bleeding, risk of infection.  About fainting.  I don't do well with certain sensations - like having stitches removed.  And of course, I'm worried about what they could find.  So, finally I go back, they explain things again, I warn them about the fainting.  Not to worry they say.  Go in, different tech this time, she takes a look from multiple angles, very nice explains this is the longest part of the whole thing.  The doctor comes in starts looking and sees nothing but normal breast tissue.  Yes, there is something that from certain angles will look rounded and separate, but if you move the wand, it is seen to be connected to other breast tissue.  Exhale.  It is now also evident that the ultrasound tech didn't think that there was anything but normal breast tissue there either.  This doctor didn't think a biopsy was in order, but based on my mother's history of breast cancer, recommended a breast MRI to be safe.   So, I haven't exhaled completely, as I haven't yet had the MRI, but I'm feeling much better than I did a few days ago. 
So, a few more comments - first, A is wonderful.  He was supportive, but not overbearing.  He was also quietly doing his own research, preparing to make sure I got the best treatment if there was a real something there.  Second - WTF first doctor?  How can it be so clear to a tech and a second doctor that there was nothing there, but to you, it wasn't.  I appreciate the caution, but personally would be leery of having that doctor read my exams again.

So.....

.....I didn't make my 5 pounds by Valentine's Day goal.  I'm pretty much where I was two weeks ago, down a little, but not much.  That's okay, but not where I wanted to be.  The problem is me.  I have little will power.  I'm also not getting much exercise in.  I should be able to change that starting next week, as my meeting schedule improves.  I would really like to lose my weight using weight watchers, because it's eating real food, making real choices day to day, a program that can work for life.  I don't want to resort to one of those pre-packaged deals, but I may, if only for the rigidness that it will require.

Happiness is....

.....making someone else happy. 

I refuse to accept it

I got on the scale this morning and I refuse to accept what I saw.  I didn't stay within my points everyday, but I did a good job of staying within my weekly total.  I even got some exercise in.  I do feel like I have stuff going on with my body that may be causing fluctuations - like I think I am sliding into menopause - but what that scale told me this morning is wrong.  So, two things.  One, I'm getting a new scale because this one has been acting funny.  Two, I will weigh myself again tomorrow, see how things are going.  I don't see that I'm facing any challenges this week eating wise.  I will try to get some exercise in - but based on my schedule, that won't happen until Thursday.

Happiness is my New York Football Giants winning the Super Bowl!

Again.  Yes!  How exciting was that!  I think that the Giants have been in 3 of the most exciting Super Bowls played.  That would be the wide-right Super Bowl, the David Tyree helmet catch Super Bowl and the Mario Manningham tiptoe catch Super Bowl.  Or should that last one be the Ahmad Bradshaw butt first touchdown Super Bowl?  The first win was great, but it was not heart pounding exciting -like we might lose this exciting - as the last 3.  I remember the lean years.  The really lean years.  The losing years.  The Joe Pisarcik years.  The Ray Handley years.  They make these years and the Parcells years all the sweeter.  Happy days!

Friday Photos

Just some quick ones - a baby blanket I just finished for friends, shots of yarn - plucky knitter primo fingering - that will become a new shawl and an oldie but a goodie shot of my favorite dog.



Happiness is...

....a beautiful unseasonal mid-winter day.  When I say unseasonal - I mean in a good day.  Yesterday was mild here - temps in the 50s.  It was a extraordinarily nice day for January.  This has been a generally mild winter so far, but days like yesterday are always welcome in the middle of winter.  It reminds you that there is nice weather out there, nice weather to come.  It's like little gift from God to help get you through the winter. 

Okay, but I think I need a new scale

Down about 1/2 pound.  I'm happy with that.  My scale was doing its weird thing again - bouncing between numbers.  So to be honest, my scale gave me readings of everything between down .6, .4, .2 and 0 pounds.  Time to get a new one.  I did mostly well with points this week, cheated a little on Saturday, cheated a bit more on Sunday, but since Sunday was a tough anniversary for me, I am not beating myself up over it.  I did get some exercise in this week, but not a whole lot.  One big challenge this week - I have a meeting of my professional association on Thursday.  The challenges there will be avoiding dessert at lunch, avoiding cookies at the break and cocktail hour.  Oh - and the Super Bowl!  Ha!  Actually, since I think I'll be watching it here at home, not at any party, I should be good.  It's really hard to work in exercise with all the meetings I have these days.  The primary option would be to do it first thing in the morning.  I woke up this morning feeling like I had been hit by a truck.  That's a bit of the effect of the evening meetings.  So, I'll take the minor loss (at least what appears to be a minor loss) and be happy.

ETA - Wednesday morning, I got on the scale again, just to see what it would say - would it validate the loss?  Indeed it did.  It showed me down another pound.  So, I didn't lose that pound overnight, my guess is more that I was retaining water Tuesday morning - maybe salted my steak too much Monday night.  Whatever, I'm on the right track.

Sometimes...

...the only to keep going is to do - do anything, fill the time, occupy your mind - anything that keeps you from thinking, from remembering, from the sadness.  Time does heal.  The sadness isn't as oppressive, but still, it creeps in on certain days.  Trying not to wallow, trying not to give the sadness room to come in, keep the spaces filled with activity, so the sadness won't.

OMG Pictures!

I didn't realize how long it had been since I posted pictures.  So, without further ado, some pictures.

 A sweater for our niece.

 Socks for A to wear under his dry suit when diving - pictured unblocked.  These are nice, cushy, 100% superwash wool socks.  Madelinetosh chunky for the knitters among us - so you know how much I love that man.

 Boomer pawprints in the snow.

 Boomer showing no shame whatsoever.

A picture taken from the balcony of our room in the Dominican Republic.  So pretty.  I want to go back!

Dear Chris Christie, Get Over It!

Yes, the New York Giants play in East Rutherford, NJ.  But they are still the New York Giants - or the New York Football Giants if you are old school.  Dallas plays in Arlington, Buffalo plays in Orchard Park, Phoenix plays in Glendale and Washington plays in Landover.  So what the stadium is not in New York City, they are still the New York Giants.  Get over it already.  New Jersey is not and never will be New York.  Stop trying to be what you are not.  I'm sure New Jersey has some very fine qualities.  (Please note that that is said with only a tad of sarcasm.)  You need to promote New Jersey's fine qualities and stop trying to compete with New York.  It just isn't happening.  If you keep trying to be New York, you will remain the tacky wannabe.  If you highlight the finer qualities of your state, maybe you can stand on your own as something good.  But give it up with the Giants already.  And while I'm at it - you go Governor Cuomo - you tell him "He should read the helmets,” Cuomo said. “New York Giants.”

He had a good run

I went to a funeral yesterday.  It was for my uncle.  He was 102, almost 103 when he died.  His body had failed him in recent years, but his mind was sharp.  He was a good man, kind and gentle.  He was a trailblazer in our family - a Protestant of English heritage marrying into an Irish Roman Catholic family.  My aunt, his wife was my grandmother's sister and the sister most like my grandmother making her especially beloved to us.  She always catered to him.  But then, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  She couldn't do what she once did.  And then, he catered to her.  He truly lived the vows of "for better or worse, in sickness and in health".  Imagine at 102, all the things that happened in his lifetime - inventions, world history.  A couple of relatives spoke at his funeral, telling the lessons they had learned from him about how to live a good, long life.  From the funny - eat ice cream every day - to the practical - stay physically active - to the spiritual - love your family - they were good lessons.  It was sad to say goodbye to Uncle M yesterday, but he had a good long run and we were blessed that he was part of the family.  Godspeed Uncle M.

Moving in the right direction again

Down 2.2 pounds this week!  How?  I stuck to my points.  I tracked most days.  I have no challenges that I am aware of for next week, except that fitting any exercise in will be hard, but I need to try.  My goal is going to be to lose 10 pounds by the end of March.  I think it's a really realistic goal.  I had thought about a goal of 10 pounds in 8 weeks.  That would require 1.25 lbs lost each week.  That could be hard and I don't want to get myself discouraged.  I also didn't want to make it too easy a goal - like 10 pounds by summer.  That would lead to my being lax.  So, 10 pounds, 10 weeks means 1 pound a week.  Not the easiest thing always, but definitely can be done.  I'm off to a good start.  Now, I just have to stick with it.  If I can get down 5 by Valentines Day, I plan to treat myself to some chocolate - good chocolate!

SUPER BOWL BOUND!!

Ding dong the bitch is gone

Actually, multiple bitches are gone.  I did a little facebook purge this week.  I had been meaning to do it for since the start of the year and kept forgetting.  There were some people that I had blocked from seeing my posts for some time and now I have deleted them as friends completely.  I feel a bit of a release there!  These were people who were not positive influences in my life, but I left them on as friends rather than deal with the possible negative consequences of the "unfriend" action.  But now, I felt ready to do a little housecleaning.  So, dear bitch you are no longer in my world and dear not-so-much-a-bitch-but-self-centered-and-holier-than-thou-woman, you're gone too.
And, another bitch is one step more removed from my life.  My brother is divorced.  Yay.  Double Yay actually.  The double yay is because when it was final yesterday, my brother called the house to tell us.  A answered the phone and talked to him, not me.  My brother and my husband are developing a relationship and that just makes me so happy, so double yay!

UGH

I could have avoided this post.  But, I need to be accountable.  Not that it is helping me any.  I gained this week.  More than I'm happy with.  I did it to myself.  I was pretty good going into the evening that I knew would be a challenge.  I think I could have survived the effect of that night.  But then I ate more - way more - than I should have for lunch on Sunday.  Then went to my brother's girlfriend's house to watch the Giants game, so faced an unplanned challenge and FAILED.  Then had more than I should have for lunch yesterday.  And limited exercise.  So, where to go from here.  Right now, I'm debating between giving myself two weeks to get myself going with doing weight watchers on my own and going back to Medifast.  At the party on Saturday, I found out that two of the other wives are doing Medifast.  One is even becoming a Medifast coach.  It worked for me before, but I have to commit to it.  I tried to do it once without really committing to it and that just doesn't work.  I would also have to be honest about which of their foods work for me and which don't.  It might limit my choices, but maybe that's okay, if it gets me to lose weight. 
I read something on the WW site today that my help.  I need to set myself a concrete goal.  So, I'm going to think about that.  I have the goal of the weight I want to get to, but I need to give myself a timetable.  To say "I need to lose 10 pounds" without giving myself a deadline seems to be leading to my being a little lax about doing what I need to do.  I've been trying to set myself weekly goals, but that's not enough obviously.  So, I'm going to think about a realistic goal - and rewards - and also an exercise program I can commit to.

If you can't say something nice...part two

A grammar school classmate of mine posted recently on facebook that another classmate had passed away recently.  There were the expected "oh how sad" comments.  There were the "he was such a good guy" comments.  None were from me.  My memories of him were all of how mean he was to me in grammar school.  I was surprised to hear how he had such a good heart and was such a nice guy now, as my brother had told me otherwise.  Basically, he was still mean and, sadly, his meanness was still directed at the same age group.  It's not my place to say anything.  The man is dead.  And perhaps, in recent years, he had reformed.  For his sake, for his soul's sake, I hope so.

A diet post and a knitting post

So, I lost about half a pound.  All things considered, not so bad.  I was only semi-good in dealing with the challenges faced in my business trip.  I did get in some exercise this week, and I was very good with the points leading up to the trip, so I think those factors balanced out the bad.  And then yesterday on the trip home, as I'm snacking on combos I realized that they had salt on them.  I realized I was once again, the night before weighing, semi-sabotaging myself by eating something that would lead to water retention.  I will have two challenges this week - lunch with colleagues today is the first.  That is manageable in two ways.  First, I can choose a healthy entree, second I can adjust what I might normally have for dinner to something that is lower points.  My second challenge this week will be a birthday party for friends.  There I will have to try to manage the quantity that I eat.  I also hope to get some more exercise in this week.

Now for knitting - eight hours on a train is good for knitting!  That was two four hour trips.  A's second sock is almost done.  I probably would have gotten more knitting done, but I hadn't downloaded enough videos to watch on the trip, so at a certain point, I switched to playing games and reading to pass the time.  (I like to have some other distraction while I'm knitting.)  I am almost done with a little sweater for my niece, knit with some of my Rhinebeck stash.  Next I'll be starting on a baby blanket for friends.  The pattern I'm using is one I've been itching to try.  I think it is lovely and classy and a tad Irish.  After that, I'll be digging into knitting an afghan for my future sister-in-law.  I thought I had settled on a pattern, but now I think that it would be too much of a time commitment and I'm honestly not sure that she would appreciate the difficulty involved in it.  Plus, as I'm getting to know her better, I think her style is a little less busy than that pattern.  So I'm looking at patterns with cables, but not too busy.  I may even try to put one of my own together.  My goal is to find something that can be completed in a couple of months.

Is it Friday yet?

Yes!  This work week has not been as long as last week - even though it actually is by about 90 minutes.  Last week dragged so bad - I think it was the holiday hangover.  The week before Christmas seemed to fly.  Work is really busy - budgets due, etc.  I had planned a year end recap post.  I had planned a Christmas review.  I had planned a Wednesday happiness post.  Didn't happen - any of them.  I might still try to do a post on how last year went for me.  As for Christmas, aside from dinner on Christmas Eve being just a tad late for my taste, it was all good.  Is it awful of me to say that I was happy with my presents?  You know - sometimes you get that present that just makes you say "huh?"  Especially the ones where the giver says "I saw this and just thought of you."  And you are sitting htere thinking "Seriously?"  but saying "oh how lovely!"  I'm sure I've given my fair share of them.  None of those this year.  Of course - the soon to be ex-SIL is not in the picture and she was always a good one for those.  I didn't see any of my family this year for Christmas - the first time ever - so that was kind of sad.  And A had to work Christmas Day and night, but we got to spend plenty of time together, so no sadness there.
January is not my favorite month.  It's cold.  Work is really busy.  And there are sad memories.
But life goes on.  I can wallow in self-pity or look for the good in my world and that's what I choose to do. 

New Year, New Start

I'm talking about my weight loss plan.  All in all, I wasn't as bad as I was last year at this time.  I gained over the last two weeks.  That was not unexpected.  I tried to really stick to my points on the non-holiday days, but was a little loose on the actual holidays.  The bigger problem though was the availability of bad things to eat and my lack of willpower.  Like the remains of the rum cake that I made for Christmas - I couldn't not eat it.  Well - I could have thrown out the remains.  I should have done that, but I didn't.  So, willpower is something I really need to work on, and when it's not there, get rid of the tempting item.  I also am hoping to get some activity in going forward.  It's not going to be easy, with my work schedule ramping up.  I think I should be able to get some in a couple of times a week.  That's what I'm shooting for right now, not a daily thing as I don't think that's realistic.  I won't be able to weigh in again next Tuesday, so I'll push it back until Wednesday.  My challenge this week will be a business trip.  I need to not fall prey to the habit of snacking while on the train ride.  I'll be having dinner with colleagues, so I need to keep my portion sizes reasonable.  I also need to find something to focus on as my goal - maybe a picture of a thinner me that I keep visible to remind me of where I want to get.  Or take a pair of pants that are too tight right now and hang them where I can see them.  Or both.

Happiness is....

....a short work week....fried raviolis
....days getting longer
....a silly, cuddly puppy dog
....3 short work weeks in a row
....a successful first attempt at making a rum cake - I see more of those in my future

Happiness is....

 Today - some of my favorite things....

• My husband's smile.  I remember the first time he smiled at me and I realized that smile was for ME. 
• My husband's hugs.  There is no place better than in his arms.
• My dog's soft coat and wagging tail and big brown eyes. 
• Rachmaninoff & Tchaikovsky
• Bruce Springsteen's version of Santa Claus is Coming to Town and Jon Bon Jovi's version of Baby Please Come Home
• Jon Bon Jovi in concert. 
• New England in the fall
• sitting on my porch on a nice summer morning, reading the paper, drinking coffee
• football
• Some smells - cinnamon, vanilla, pine trees
• Roses
• Freshly cut grass
• Slipping into a bed made with freshly laundered sheets
• the sound of the ocean
• Mint chocolate chip ice cream
• filet mignon
• butter cream frosting
• Marching bands
• Pretty, soft yarn
• Turning pretty soft yarn into something someone will enjoy
• a good book
• chocolate, preferably dark, never white
• the smell of coffee

Heading the wrong way

My scale is still being a little wonky, but there was no hiding from the fact that I gained this week.  Of course, I had Chinese again last night, so I think the gain is not really as bad as it looks, but I'm up almost a pound - or a whole pound, depending on which reading you believe and depending on how much water retention I have from dinner last night.  So, besides last night's Chinese food, why the gain?  Total lack of control this week.  There was a Christmas breakfast at work and I enjoyed the goodies.  Then there were the platters of cookies and boxes of candy that were dropped off that I enjoyed.  I didn't drink enough water.  And I didn't track my points.  I didn't eat much fruit either, instead snacking on weight watchers snacks which though low in points, still add up.  Now, this week is Christmas.  I expect that to be my only challenge this week.  There shouldn't be a lot of goodies at work.  We may have dinner with friends on Thursday, which could prove to be a challenge, but I think is manageable.  Truth is - it's all manageable, if I want to manage it.  I can eat what I want as long as I keep the portion sizes within reason.  I will be glad when this week is over though.  Sticking to the plan will be a lot easier after the holiday season is done.

Mondays and other things that annoy me

Mondays are just so harsh.  A week starting on Tuesday would be so much nicer.  Mondays just annoy me, unless I have it off.

People who are constantly happy, cheerful and chipper annoy me.  I once had a dental hygienist who was cheery at 7 am.  I couldn't take it.  Those kind of people just annoy me.  I think it's because the cheeriness is fake.  Maybe they really are that freaking happy all the time, but I'm not convinced.  It's the phoniness I hate, not the happiness.  If it was genuine happiness, I would be okay with it, but let's face it, we all have our bitch moments, don't try to pretend otherwise.

Singers who do the vibrato thing on almost every note annoy me.  Josh Groban, I'm talking to you.   His version of O Holy Night is lovely, but his version of I'll be Home for Christmas sounds like it was recorded while he was driving down a cobblestone road. 

Drivers who get in the left lane then fail to drive at the going rate annoy me.  I notice that most of them are New Yorkers.  If you see a driver with plates from another state doing it, odds are they are a native New Yorker.  See, I'm from Connecticut.  We drive fast.  At least down in southern CT that is. 

Smarmy quotes as part of your e-mail signature annoy me.  Or uplifting quotes.  Or "empowering" or "motivational" quotes.  BARF!  In addition to being annoying, unless you are a motivational speaker, I think it's a bit unprofessional as well.  Just your name please. 

The blatantly pious annoy me.  Yeah Tim Tebow, I mean you.  I have no doubt he believes as deeply as he states - but does he really need to be in your face with it?  He reminds me of the parable about the two men praying in the church - one saying basically "look at me God, I tithe, I fast, I'm not like those other guys" and the other one saying "please be merciful to me, I'm a sinner".  I would much rather hang out with the second guy, thank you very much. 

The Giants playing like crap yesterday really, really annoys me.  It's been a tale of two teams this season.  You have the team that beat the Patriots and the Cowboys, then the team that lost to the Redskins and the Eagles.  I'm thinking that the Colts and the Vikings are wishing the Giants were on their schedules this year!  Now, we have to beat the Jets and the Cowboys to make the playoffs.  Well - if the same Jets that played yesterday show up next week, we might have a chance.  I really, really, really don't want it to be the Jets who end our playoff hopes.  Now that would be REALLY annoying!

Later this week - a few of my favorite things.

Happiness is....

....happy holiday memories.  As I was heading home the other night, I heard the Muppets version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" on the radio.  It reminded me of my college days when we came up with "The Twelve Days of College."  I went to women's college, run by nuns.  Some nuns lived in the dorms.  Freshman year, my dorm mates and I sometimes ran afoul of one of the nuns on our floor.  And so, one December night, we made up a song about Sr Alma and the things she had said to us.  Thus was born "The Twelve Days of College."  I can't remember them all now - but they included...

• Don't mess around with me (First day of college)
• Girls in bed by eleven
• Lights out at seven
• Don't you ever sleep
• There are no ghosts (a reference to an old college myth)
• When do you work
• I need my rest
• None of you made the Dean's list (my personal favorite)

After freshman year, our relationship with Sr Alma improved.  We grew up, she mellowed a bit.  It actually got so good that junior year, when most students would move out to one of the other dorms, a large group of us decided to stay in our dorm, on Sr Alma's floor.  When my father died junior year, she was one of the people to whom I turned for comfort.  She had lost her father a couple of years before and understood what I was going through.

We had a lot of traditions at our college that revolved around the Christmas holiday.  One was the Christmas Dinner.  The Seniors' Little Sister Class, the Sophomores, would plan the menu and the entertainment for the dinner and they served the Seniors at the dinner.  It's important to note that this was a small school, with one dining room, where we all ate together, nuns included.  So at the dinner my senior year, our old 3rd floor of Fontbonne group (we did all move out Senior year to one of the other buildings) got together and helped provide some of the entertainment.  We got up there and sang "The Twelve Days of College" for our old friend Sr Alma.  She loved it.  She laughed and nodded, recalling the things she had said back then.  Happy memories!

I'm calling it even

My scale was being a little odd this morning.  I usually weigh myself a couple of times to be sure I've got a good reading.  Today didn't go so well with that.  I had anything from 147.4 to 148.6.  It was moving a lot while I stood on it and the final readings were varying.  It may be time for a new scale.  At the very least a new battery, since it really didn't want to turn on!  So - why would I have stayed stable or maybe gained or maybe lost just a little?  Well, virtually no exercise for one.  I've been dealing with a sinus issue all week and except for a lot of walking Saturday, I got no exercise.  Saturday was the Christmas party at the firehouse, so I definitely ate things that I shouldn't have, but I did plan for that.  I didn't eat as much fruit this week and I feel like I didn't drink as much water.  I've found over the years that I do better with weight loss when I drink enough water.  Another factor - Chinese food for dinner last night.  I tend to retain water after eating Chinese.  I may weigh myself again tomorrow morning just to see what happens.  This week's goal will be to drink plenty of water.  I will have a challenge Friday night, as we are going to a Christmas party and I expect to drink my points.  I'll be happy to stay stable this week all things considered.

Happiness is....

....finding out just how good the dealership you got your car from is.  Yesterday, my driver side windshield wiper started acting funny while on the highway, not making good contact, looking wobbly, then at about 70 mph, it flew off.  If you imagine I was a little freaked out, you are right.  I got myself to work - wasn't far.  When the rain stopped, I hightailed it on over to the dealership.  They were shocked - no way that should have happened with a factory installed wiper.  My salesman happened to be in the service bay when I pulled in.  He took a picture of the wiper stem.  When I asked the service guy about whether or not it was under any warranty, he said no, but Joe (salesman) took care of it.  Now, I may not go back there for my next car if I'm ready to get my dream car (Mercedes Benz) when this lease is up, but if it's not going to be the Benz, you can get I'm going back to there and you can bet I'll buy from Joe.  I know a windshield wiper is not much - but it's just the way they took care of me from the day I walked in to buy the car.  I suppose they do have 3 years in which to screw up and lose my future business, but for now, I'm very happy.

Didn't expect that! In a good way!

I'm down 1.4 pounds this week!  Yay for me!  That puts me at 147.8.  I was concerned because I was not very active this week.  Work interfered as did being a bit under the weather.  I've been pretty good about staying close to my daily points value most days, maybe a point over or so, with only one day where I really dug into those bonus points.  So, this is good.  I will have one big challenge this coming week, with the firehouse Christmas Party on Saturday.  No booze, but sweets and other fattening foods.  I'm going to try to stay reasonable with what I eat on Saturday - not denying myself, yet not indulging myself either.  Again, I will try to be more active, but I fear this little sinus thing I have going on may hinder that.  I would like to get to 147, but I think that's a big nut, so I'll be happy with a half pound loss this week.

A Creature of Habit

That's me.  I'm a creature of habit.  I have routines.  I'm comfortable with my routines.  I don't like people messing with my routines.  It's things like the order in which I get ready for work in the morning, parking in a certain spot, taking a certain route. Unfortunately, I'm sometimes disproportionately upset over forced changes to my routine when compared to the actual incident.  Probably the worst is when someone parks in my favorite spot at work.  If I'm in the right state, that can just throw my whole day off.  So, why is this now a topic of my blog?  Well, I have a regular routine related to annual event that is upcoming and now I found out that I won't be able to follow my regular routine.  The event can be a difficult one for me, but I stick it out because there are people I see at it that I love and enjoy being with and I don't get to see them often enough.  Following my typical routine allows me time alone to prepare, to decompress in advance, to get to a low-level, stable state.  It helps put me in a place where I can handle the difficult part to the event.  Being with people I enjoy provides the rest of the balance I need.  I had already found out some time ago that my getting to be with the people I enjoy to hang with will be impaired or restricted.  Now, I have found out that I will not be able to follow my typical routine to prepare, to decompress and have that calmness I need going in.  I'm afraid I'll be keyed up from the start, anticipating bad things (because I have a tendency to borrow trouble), I'll be on edge working hard to hide my discomfort and it will end up being a miserable time for me.  I'm feeling a little trapped already and I'm afraid it will get worse.  I feel like there's nothing I can do about it without being seen as an unreasonable, selfish, cold, crazy bitch.  I need to find something that will help me deal with it.

Well how about that! Losing can be good!

I did better than expected this week - lost .6 pounds.  My goal for the week had been to stay stable.  I did a little better than that!  How did that happen with Thanksgiving and the last tailgate of the season?  Well first, I'm going to guess that when I weighed myself last Tuesday, maybe there was a little extra water weight.  I had eaten Chinese the night before, never a good thing right before weigh-in.  So, I'm guessing I took a little off in those couple of days before Thanksgiving.  Next, although I ate quite well at Thanksgiving dinner, I only ate two meals that day, so I probably stayed pretty close to my daily point allowance.  Same thing with Saturday and the tailgate, I really only ate two meals.  One was bigger than normal, but I likely stayed close to my daily points allowance.  I also got some walking in during the week and I'm sure that helped.  This week's goal is to lose again.  I'll be happy with 1/2 pound.  Another goal for this week is to get some exercise in.  The good news is that I don't have any real challenges for a while.  That should help out.

Happiness is....

...balancing the bank rec.  And I'm not happy.  Since my assistant retired and his replacement doesn't start until Monday, one of the things I have had to do is the bank recs.  Well, the big one just is not being friendly to me.  UGH!

Weekly weigh in

I'm up a pound.  I expected that getting on the scale.  I was hoping to be pleasantly surprised, but I knew I had done a lot of damage this week.  I was good up until Friday night.  We went to dinner with A's brother and his fiancee.  I had 3 glasses of wine, fried zucchini, too much of the entrees and then tiramisu for dessert and a cannoli.  Follow that up with tailgating on Saturday - beer, muffins, egg sandwiches, doughnuts, etc.  I think the worst though was on Sunday, when I could have gone right back on track and chose instead to eat the leftover muffin from Saturday and leftover cannolis from Friday.  I'm sure it didn't help that I really got not exercise in this week.  I did get back on track on Monday.  We'll see how Thanksgiving week goes.  My original goal for this week was to lose 1/2 pound and to stay stable for the week of Thanksgiving.  So, I'm 1 1/2 pounds behind.  I don't plan to make that up this week.  I'm still shooting for staying stable for a week.  That will require restraint at the table on Thursday.  I also want to get to the gym a time or two. 

30 years is not so long ago when you love someone

My father died thirty years ago today.  He is in the back row, last man on the right.  I wish I had more pictures of him scanned.  30 years seems so long ago, but it doesn't feel like long ago that my father was here with us.  I was a daddy's girl.  I think that's in part because when I was about 2, my father had to have back surgery and couldn't work, so my mother went back to work.  Daddy stayed home with me and was my primary caregiver.  My father liked to think we all looked like him.  Truth is, 3 of the four of us look very much like our mother.  My older sister does resemble Dad more.  We do have some of him in us, of course.  We three older children all have his brown eyes.  My younger sister's nose is more like Dad's than Mom's.  I inherited his lack of a butt.  My sisters got his wavy hair.  My brother's hair is very dark like Dad's.  Daddy was quirky.  He was pretty much color blind - or at least he appeared that way judging by his choice in outfits some times.  As a teenager, I once sent him back to his room to change when he was headed to some official function as First Selectman.  All I remember was that it was bad and there was orange involved.  He used to wait until my sister and I came home from school at Christmas to do his Christmas shopping for Mom.  He tried to get each of us to choose a college in Florida so he could come visit us.  He loved to do projects around the house.  Our first house had a brick wall he built, a sidewalk to the back door, a wishing-well to hide the garbage cans, a dry well for the gutters, a basketball court, a bridge over the creek running through the backyard, a large porch with a built-in bench and an extended covered front entryway that no other house in our development had - all because he built them.  He saved the motor from every appliance that died.  He was a good dancer, but gave up trying to teach me to dance because I always tried to lead.  He loved Julie Andrews.  "Gee she's pretty" he would say about her.  He liked to tease the dog.  He would fall asleep watching tv, but if you changed the channel, he would instantly wake up and say "I was watching that."  He didn't cook much, but would grill himself hotdogs for lunch.  Like every day.  Once, when our dog was sick, he would come home to check on him - thinking we didn't know he was doing that.  Such a softie.  He couldn't deal with his daughters pouting or just being quietly sad.  It was the easiest way to get him to do something you wanted that he had said no to earlier.  He had a distinctive walk.  I can still hear him coming down the hall.  He used to stand with his feet pointing outward, arms crossed and he would rock on the balls of his feet.  My cousins - his brother's sons - all do it too.  It is weird when I see them doing it from behind because they look like him.  He loved my mother.  So much.  He was proud of her accomplishments.  I will never forget the day he came home from the hospital and told us she had cancer.  He had trouble getting it out before he started to cry.  He was man enough that he could cry in front of his children.  I have to say we got our love of sports equally from Dad as from Mom.  But it was Dad who would come out and play ball with us.  "How about you let your old man take a shot?"  he would say when we were out playing basketball.  He liked to play golf - not that he was that good at it.   He was a bit of a picky eater.  Okay he was a really picky eater.  One of the traits I got from him was the ability to know, without even tasting something, that I would hate it.  But every once in a while he would try new things.  He was religious.  During Lent, he would walk from his office to church every day at lunch hour to go to Mass.  When we were little, our parish had a 6 am Mass on weekdays during Lent.  He would get us all up and every day we went with him.  He was an honest man and an honorable man.  I am so lucky to have been his daughter.  I think he would have loved my husband.  I can just see how the two of them would have tackled projects together.  And he would have loved his grandchildren - teaching them to ride a bike, throw a ball - he would have doted on them.  I like to think that he looks down on us and is proud of his family.

Happiness is....

....two things I'm happy about right now.  One is I'm nearly finished with a knitting project.  If you are on Ravelry - this is the jacket I made.  http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/monas-jacket.  All I have left to do is to make the buttons, sew them on and put snaps on under the buttons.  The other thing I'm happy about is that it is Wednesday already!  I'm not wishing my life away, but I was afraid this week was going to go by oh so slowly - and it hasn't!  yay!

Weekly Weigh In

I just weighed in at 148.8.  It's not as large as loss as I've seen for the first week in past go-rounds with Weight Watchers, but I think that this is because it's a more liberal plan.  It's been very easy to follow.  My main change has been healthier snacking.  I've been taking fruit and veggies to snack on during the day.  I think the biggest thing is that it's made me once again be conscious of portion sizes.  A bit of a test this weekend will be tailgating at the football game.  But I barely touched all of my extra points this week, so I think I will be okay.  If I can lose 1/2 pound to a pound for the next couple of weeks, then stay level through the holidays, I think that I'll be in good shape.

Happiness is..

....autumn in New England.  Yes, I live in New York these days, but I work in Connecticut, so I'm home in New England 5 days a week.  Plus, one of my favorite things about autumn in New England is watching football - and we do that in Connecticut too!  It's the colors of the leaves, the smell of the leaves,  and the crispness of the air that I love.  If only autumn didn't precede winter it would be darn near perfect!

Trying to lose weight, yet again

The gaining part is so easy, the losing part less so.  I'm sure this is not healthy for me - I lose 10-15 pounds and eventually gain it back over the next year or two.  About eighteen months ago I had gotten down to a nice weight, gained a little over the summer and then come fall decided that I would enjoy the holiday season.  Boy did I enjoy the holiday season!  Now, I'm looking to drop that weight again.  I weighed 151.2 this morning.  More than I did coming back from vacation!  Damn!  Ideally, I would like to get down to 140.  I am restarting weight watchers.  I'm going to try to do it online and use this blog to keep myself accountable.  I think I will also make my husband be my conscience.  I'm not sure what workout strategy I'm going to use, perhaps heading back to the gym, maybe doing tapes at home.  The gym can be difficult as some days I need to get home to the dog and the gym is between work and home.  I would love to try out A's gym program - it has really worked for him - but it is expensive and since we need to be saving to go to Italy next year, I think I can find a cheaper solution to my workout issues.  Anyway, back to being accountable, I plan to post my weight in this blog each Tuesday morning.  Hopefully if I commit to that, it will force me to follow the plan and get on track.  One of my motivations is the clothes that I can't wear right now because the waist bands are too tight!  That is my reward - a revived wardrobe with little investment.

When Good Things Happen to Bad People

There is a book titled "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" that really helped me come to terms with my miscarriages and our inability to have children.  The book really helped me to see that there is no rhyme or reason to who is blessed with a series of wonderful events in their lives and who is visited with sadness and tragedy.  Just like bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people.  It can be hard to accept.  You see that bitch ending up with the 4BR, 2.5 bath house, with a bonus room and 2 car garage on 2 acres.  And there you sit in your 3 BR, 1 BA cape, no garage and 1/12 acre of land.  The witch has 2 children and is planning a 3rd, you have trouble getting pregnant let alone staying that way.  Her husband has a fabulous well-paying job, your spouse has been unemployed for 9 months.  She doesn't have to work.  You have taken on a second job to help make ends meet.  Why is it that she gets all the good stuff and you get shat upon?  First question - has she really gotten all the good stuff?  Let's face it - she's a bitch.  Starting right there I see that she's not a happy person.  Something is making her miserable.  (Fight the urge to say "GOOD!")   And she has a nice house filled with things, but you have a house filled with love.  And the kids - well, I've learned this from talking to friends and colleagues - it's not all sunshine and roses.  And sadly, a lot of suffering that people do over issues with their kids is done in silence.
Now, of course, maybe the bitch just really does have it that good and it's just an example of how life works sometimes, how life isn't meant to be fair.
The moral of my story is - it's not worth any angst over why the bitch has what appears to be a better life than you.  Looks may be deceiving.  And if thing are as they appear, there's nothing to be done about it - not legally anyway - and it is in no way a negative reflection on how you live your life.  And wouldn't you still rather be you anyway? 
PS - If it sounds like I'm trying to convince myself - well you might be partly right.

Happiness is....

....wearing hand knit socks.  Okay - yes, I know it's Friday, Friday is usually picture day - but I did that already this week.  So, today, I'm wearing my first pair of hand knit socks.  Well - my first finished pair.  The Jaywalkers I started a couple of years ago are still on the needles.  This is the second time I've worn these socks and I just love them.  I must knit more!!  I should note that the first time I wore these was to Rhinebeck (for non-knitting readers it's a big sheep & wool festival in Rhinebeck, NY) and the socks were the only hand knit item I wore.  These socks are comfy and squishy and just feel so nice on my feet.  It was just a plain sock pattern, knit on #2s using Madelintosh Sock in Ink.  Love them!  I have decided that after my Christmas knitting is done - keeping it simple this year btw, my lunchtime knitting will be devoted to socks.