Where I've been

I don't mean lately. I've just been a slagger about blogging lately. I've been doing other stuff with free time. Today, I have a minute or so left in my lunch hour - so here goes. Here is my attempt at an analysis of where I've been in my life and how it has impacted who I am.

I'm the third of four children, but I was the baby for 8 years. I think that was the start of my feeling 2nd best or "not special". I was never any one's favorite. I went from being the baby of the family to just another middle child. Somewhere in grammar school - I think it was around 3rd or 4th grade, I went from being one of the most popular girls to being an also ran. That was when Mary Jean joined our class. She was cuter than me, though not as smart, but cuter won out. I was always athletic, but never the most athletic. Always smart, but not always the smartest. I always knew I was not the smartest child in the family, that was my older sister, and I don't think that really bothered me, but I hated it when I would be called by her name in school. In kindergarten, I was the kid who forgot her permission slip and so couldn't be in the movie with the rest of my class. I've had a "best friend" off and on, but never consistently. Until I married A, there was never anyone in my life, for all of my life, to whom I thought I was the most important person in the world. I had a best friend from as long ago as I can remember. She lived across the street from me from birth. When we moved when I was 5 years old, her family moved too - to the same street - so our friendship continued. Her mother was mean to me, but I still liked her. Then we moved across town and she went to public high school and I went to Catholic. I had a new best friend in high school, someone I had gone to grammar school with. When we went away to college, I tried to continue the friendship by writing and calling, she did not. When my father died, she didn't even acknowledge it. I could not remain friends with her after that. I had close friends in college and have tried to keep those relationships up, but distance and their lack of trying make it hard.

So more on school. Teachers from time to time had favorites - never me - and I guess that's where I first felt the injustice of things. But I learned good things in school too. I think that my 3rd grade teacher's English lessons are the backbone of my ability to ferret out bad grammar. Note - I am a much better editor than a writer. I spent sixteen - that's 16 - years in Catholic school. So - got my fair dose of religion. I also don't recall encountering or interacting with non-Catholics until I got into the working world. Dinner conversation at my house often centered around politics - hence my love of it and my desire to work in government.

Back to school focus - in high school - as fortune would have it, I knew a lot of the "cool kids" because many of them were in honors classes. But - I wasn't cool, so I was on the periphery. Once again an athlete, but not the best and once again one of the smartest, but never the top. It was in high school that I first learned sales was not for me. I was the business manager for the yearbook, but sucked at selling ads! My love of science started coming out in high school. I took every science class that I could. I was intending to major in nursing in college, until someone said to me that they didn't think I would enjoy taking orders from people, so perhaps I should set my sights on medical school. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had stuck to the nursing plan?

In choosing a college, I had a set of criteria that was important to me and used it to narrow down my choices. The list making appears for the first time! (Note - when I absolutely have to get stuff done - I make lists.) I chose a small women's college in the end for monetary reasons. Would have I been better off in a large college? I'll never know. I started off as a bio-chem major. I did fine with it until I went home for election day. I started thinking about working in government. I switched chem classes and had a teacher who was lax about lab reports - turn the in whenever, as opposed to my first chem teacher who had a rigid schedule. All of the sudden, I'm discovering government and beginning to hate chem lab reports. (Note for the record that I loved doing the experiments in chemistry and the lab work in biology.) These things kind of combined to lead me to the work I do today. Going to a women's college was not good for the dating life, but it was good for learning to lead. Women had to lead at our school because there were no men to do it. Definitely a good experience. I also learned more about faith there - not just the outward trappings of religion, but the deep abiding faith in God and his goodness. I can't say that I haven't ever doubted that since, but that's where I recognized it for the first time. I was not an athlete in college. We played in a league so small, it might as well have been intramural. Yet, they took it all as seriously as if we were a major college with chances of winning the NCAAs. So, I decided that there were other things I would rather do with my time and I did. I discovered Irish music in college. I mean Irish pub songs really. That is a love that is still with me. All in all, college was a learning experience in so many ways.

Okay - this is really long now, so I'll stop writing. I think the other thing I want to blog about in my little self-analysis is painful moments in life that have stuck with me and happy moments. Maybe tomorrow.

Directions Please!

"If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up some place else." Yogi Berra

I don't know where I'm going next. Things - life included - don't always go as you planned. So, I'm kind of figuring out where my life is going next. I know some parts of it, but not all. I would prefer to be the driving force behind drawing the road map, but I know I don't control it all. In crime dramas, they do profiles to try and figure out what the bad guy will do next. So, I'm going to study me a little. Maybe that will help me figure out where I'm going next.

I like 70s music. I loved science as a kid, but blood is not my thing. I always wanted children and thought I would be a stay at home mom. I love my husband. I love dogs. I have ambitions. I enjoy being a big fish even if it's in a little pond. I like helping people. I like nice clothes, nice shoes. I like to travel. I like the beach. I don't much care for the cold. Republican ideals are not my ideals. I am mainly a Democrat, but don't know how I'll vote in November. I think New York is a fabulous city. Boston's not bad. Philly I could take or leave, LA too. San Francisco is fabulous, but too cold. I like girlie girl stuff sometimes, but not too girlie girl. I like my toes and nails painted, but usually do it myself. I like order in my world, but I'm not neat. I like routine. I fear getting old. I consider myself religious, but don't go to church much anymore. I really liked wearing my wedding gown. I'm afraid of heights. I need reassurance at times that I'm good at what I do. I like gardening. I wish I were thin naturally. I have a big chest and would much rather be normal sized. I was a nerd in high school. I have realized that I'm on the downside of the curve in my working years - I've worked more years than I have left until retirement. I would like to take back some of my dating choices. I got lucky in the husband department. I prefer having a road map, a plan, knowing where I'm going. Next post is going to be about where I've been - maybe that will help me figure out where I'm going. Maybe I'll have to just wait and see.

An ode to Boomer

We long for an affection altogether ignorant of our faults. Heaven has accorded this to us in the uncritical canine attachment. ~George Eliot

Okay - not really an ode - just a post. The best thing about dogs is the way they just love you. But they are so cute otherwise. Don't you just wonder what goes on in their heads sometimes? My dog likes to be warm. In the summer, he's pretty insistent on being taken outside to sit in the sun. Inside, he'll head to the attic room and sleep. At night, he likes to be covered with a blanket when sleeping. Sometimes he has strangely human characteristics. He has a pillow on his bed. He'll sometimes sleep with his head propped up on the pillow. I love that he gets so incredibly excited to go for walks. And he doesn't mind that we leave him to go to work because our leaving means he gets a treat. He gets so darned excited for those treats. He understands certain words. Some get him excited. Other words - well - he knows he's been bad. I love it when you scratch his back near his tail and he dances from pleasure. All in all, he's so cute and such a love bug. Dogs are on of God's best ideas! (Chocolate is another.)

Friends

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. - Walter Winchell

A good thing happened to a friend of mine today. I am happy for her. She is getting a job she wanted. Yay! This woman has been a very good friend, though I've only known her for 3 1/2 years. She has nursed me emotionally through some of my hardest days. She's never told me my feelings were stupid or wrong. She might not have encouraged them, but she always listens and allows me to feel what I'm feeling. I'm happy that today she is getting something she sought.

When God closes a door....

he opens a window - or so they say. I'm looking for the window. I have to have faith in that. There are a lot of these abstract kind of things that I have to have faith in or life just wouldn't make any sense. It's like believing that people who do wrong to you will pay for it in some way. You just may never know about it. So, I believe that a window will be open for me somewhere. I hope I recognize it when I see it! (And that it's not raining outside!)

Oh - speaking of raining inside - funny story - the town I work for operates a parking lot at the train station. We sell annual passes and daily vouchers. If you are using the vouchers, you need a voucher for each day you are in the lot except weekends. So - if you park there on Sunday and don't plan to return until Friday - you would need 5 vouchers showing in the window. Okay - got that? So - last week, this guy calls Town Hall. He's parked in the voucher lot. He got stuck in the City for an extra night and doesn't have a voucher for the extra day. Can we do him a favor and not ticket him, he'll pay for the voucher when he gets back. The parking ranger gets the make, model and plate number and goes out to check on where the car is and alert his co-workers not to ticket it. And he notes what he sees. So - the receptionist calls our parker back with the good news and the bad news. We won't ticket the car. That's the good news. The bad news - the guy left his sun roof open. It's been raining all week.

The loot

So - I got a ring and two handbags. I tried taking pictures with my camera, but it was hard to get it to focus in nicely. The ring is not nearly as large as it looks. It's kind of delicate and I'm going to need to have it sized - but it's pretty and the kind of thing I have wanted. And - it makes me feel a little better.

I'll be buying rings

nuff said

Retail Therapy

I believe in retail therapy. It works. When you're feeling down and out - don't just put on your Sunday shoes (Hello Dolly fans will get that) go out and buy NEW Sunday shoes! So - I have resolved that when I get THE CALL (see past posts re: professional association) today, if the news is not good, well then, there's nothing to do but engage in some retail therapy. I did this for the first time when a boyfriend broke up with me. I went out and bought 3 new suits. I looked good in them. So good, that I figure when said ex-boyfriend saw me in one of them, he would slap his head, say "what was I thinking dumping her" to which I would reply "F&*@ You Mike!" And walk away happy and proud. It really did help me feel better about myself. I have since been a firm believer in retail therapy. So - I've picked out what I'm going to get and how much I can spend if I need to indulge. I am planning on a cocktail ring of some sort - likely with small diamonds and in white gold, platinum not being in the budget. I also plan to look at a high end handbag in some bright summer color if the budget allows. Of course, if the call has good news - I still plan to spend money as I will need to get a couple of really good suits to wear as I travel the country making speeches to the state associations. So - check back later this afternoon to see if it's rings or suits.

Photographic Evidence

Boomer's stuffed dog has lasted about 3 weeks now! Amazing! Don't believe me - here's the photographic evidence.

Next up - our gardens. This summer, I'm taking on the west side of the house. The previous owners had neglected all of the gardens. I think this one had it worst. So - here are some before pictures and some progress pictures. I plan to plant one or two more shrubs and maybe throw in some cuttings of the existing bushes to see if they'll root and fill it in more. Otherwise, I'll get more new shrubbs. We still have to cut down a couple of the ones that are there now and that were never trimmed and shaped so that they would be attractive. We also have some stumps that need to be pulled out - but we're making progressive - here's this photographic evidence.

Monday's the day - and other thoughts

Monday I will get the call. The Executive Director just let the candidates know that the meeting is on Monday and to be available for the call. So - cross your fingers for me.

This week has turned into my Medical Week. I'm in the midst of a root canal. I had a mole on my face removed last week - stitches out yesterday. I had two more moles removed yesterday. Yesterday's moles were thankfully on my back - so I was prone for the removal. I was sitting up for the one on my face - but when I announced "I feel woozy" they got me prone fast - beyond prone actually so that my head was the lowest point. How fun was that. They got some sugar in me via apple juice. Now that I'm doing WW again - I went home and dutifully calculated how many points in the apple juice!

The weight loss efforts are going pretty well. I'm down under 150 as of this morning. God willing - and will power permitting - I'll never go back over it. It's been harder to lose as I've gotten older, but I know it's possible for me to stay in a healthy range and I intend to do my best to do it. Now if I can only get A to get on the band wagon. I need him healthy so that he is around for a good long time.

The weight loss effort is not just diet. I've been trying to get out there and exercise as well. I take walks daily if I can - sometimes multiple walks if the weather is good because that gets the Boom Doggie exercise too. I'm also trying to do some weight training at least 2 days per week. Being thin isn't the only thing - it's being toned. I really want to get my arms toned. They are larger than the average woman's to begin with, so they really need to be toned. The back is key too - as I have a large one. Someone asked me a couple of months ago if I was a swimmer - because of my broad back. I never thought about it - but could the years that I was swimming competitively have done that? I tend to think not, since I was young - I quit when I was 13 - but maybe. I think it's more likely genetics. Of course, the stomach is key too. I like pilates movements for keeping my core toned.

So - that's pretty much it for now. I plan to post some new garden pictures soon. I'm working on the west side of the house this summer. In fact, I intend to get out there tonight after work and do some major weed pulling. I want to pull a couple of the bushes, try to root some new forsythia with shoots from the bushes we have and then maybe plant a rhododendron as well. I'm going for yellow, pink and purple and low maintenance!

A watched pot...

never boils and a watched phone never rings. You know when "the call" is going to come? Monday, while I'm in the dentist's chair getting a root canal or Tuesday when I'm in a meeting or at the dermatologist's office getting a mole removed. This is just slow torture. That's what it is.

Has Boomer turned over a new leaf?

I may be jinxing things - but - Boomer has a stuffed toy that has lasted 8 days with only minor injuries. He has not ripped it apart and pulled the stuffing out. Usually, the first innards appear within the first half hour. We keep saying "gentle" whenever he picks the toy up - so maybe that's it. It also could be that his previous toy-destruction was part of the dominance issues. So, maybe our having taken control of that issue has also resulted in a kinder gentler Boomer when it comes to stuffed animals. Or - maybe it's because the new stuffed animal is a dog and he relates to it. Maybe I will come home from work today and regret having written this post! :)

Out to Sea

Out to sea - yes that's where my cell phone is headed. I was walking the dog and, as is our habit, we stopped at an intersection to look both ways before crossing. Just then, my cell phone popped off. I had it on a holster clipped onto my sweat pants. The whole thing - holster and all came off. Would not have been so bad, but I stopped right over a storm sewer - the kind that is cut into the sidewalk. So - my cell phone hit the pavement and then slid right down into the drain. I couldn't believe it. I got down on the pavement looked in - could not see a thing. We'll have to cancel it and get a new one. I suppose I could ask them to just reactivate my old one. Dang! I liked that phone. It had bluetooth capabilities. It had a camera. It cost a couple hundred dollars. Dang!

Stealing a meme again

One of the blogs I read regularly often has memes on it. I've stolen at least one before. I'm doing it again today. I stole it from http://anniesplace.wordpress.com/. She has very cool pictures on her blog too.

1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? On my left leg - I have a long scar I got when I was eight. My mom had called me for dinner and I was running down the hill, heading home. I cut through someone else's yard. They had a young tree that they had supported with wires tied to stakes in the ground. I ran right into one of the wires and sliced my leg right open. It makes me a little queasy even now to think about it.
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? Aside from the green paint? We have one painting that I purchased out on Cape Cod some time ago.
3. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? 3:13 am
4. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? chocolate.
5. WHAT DO YOU MISS? My dad. Always.
6. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? My engagement ring and wedding band. I know that's two - but they are equally important.
7 . HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′ 6″
8. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DAY? Sometimes, not usually though.
9. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR? Seeing the FDNY Chief's car pull up in front of my house.
10. WHAT KIND OF HAIR COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Brown
11. WHAT ABOUT EYE COLOR? Brown again
12. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Coffee please.
13. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Cheese and sausage…best if its Dijulio's sausage
14. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? hot fudge sundae with mint chocolate chip ice cream
15. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME? Red I guess
16. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH? Only the Pepperidge Farm variety.
17. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU EVER RECEIVED? The first? Well - one of the first that I really remember as being special was my banana seat bike when I was ten - I really wanted that.
18. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH? no
19. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? Ann Taylor and/or Ann Taylor Loft.
20. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU WANT? jaguar.
21. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? yes
22. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA? Multiple times
23. YOUR WEAKNESSES? chocolate
24. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? Yes, mostly the politician or athlete type - but I knew Meg Ryan before she was famous (and before she was Meg Ryan).
25. FIRST JOB? deli clerk
26. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? yeah.
27. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE? Yes.
28. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT? working
29. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? Nothing major - only outpatient type stuff.
30. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? These days it's my hair.
31. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? A nice dinner out and to go to a Yankees game.
32. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? Right now - I would be over the moon with one.
33. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No
34. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? Bad grooming.
35. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU MISS ABOUT GRADE SCHOOL? Recess!
36. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? L'oreal for highlighted hair.
37 . DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes. I have been told I have very nice handwriting.
38. ANY BAD HABITS? I procrastinate.
39. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON? Yes, to a certain extent.
40. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I would indeed.
41. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? No. I don't think you can divorce emotion from sex like that.
42. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? I throw things - non-breakable things.
43. WHAT’S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE? To have a long, healthy, happy life with my husband.
44. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? my bike
45. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? No idea - and I never transferred all my numbers over from my old phone.
46. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID? Well - I was well into adulthood by the time Barney came around.
47. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? oooh - Mashed Potatoes
48. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? Yes
49. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM? No. It's in the Office/Guest Room.
50. PLANS FOR TONIGHT? Watch TV, hang out with husband and dog
51. WHAT’S THE FASTEST YOU’VE EVER GONE IN A CAR? When I was driving, I think 85. I have a feeling that I have gone faster as a sleeping passenger.
52. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? nothing at the moment.
53. Last thing you drank? Water
54. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? Democrat
55. DO YOU HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM OR A HIGH SELF ESTEEM? Depends on the day.
56. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? - I just finished a Mary Higgins Clark book, not sure what to start next. I am still slogging through biographies of Dwight Eisenhower and Churchill too.

God is determined...

...to teach me patience. I get it. I need to learn it. I am waiting for "THE CALL" about whether or not I will get the presidency of my national professional organization. I have been expecting it to be sometime this week or next, based on when the announcement was made last year. I had kind of fixed in my head that today might be the day. It just seemed appropriate. We had a state organization meeting today - so it would have been awesome timing. I even wore my "interview suit" to the meeting. There's a member of our state organization - a really terrific woman - who is a Past President of the National Org and who has been both friend and mentor to me over the years. I was really hoping to be able to see her today and give her a thumbs up. (Or ask for a shoulder to cry on.) So - we talked today - turns out the Director of our organization is in South America visiting his child who is in school there. She gave me her estimate - based on religious holidays - as to when he would be back and when the nominating committee would therefore most likely be meeting and making the final decision. So - I wait. It is good in a way. I will now not freak each time the phone rings, checking the caller id - wondering if this is "THE CALL" or if it's just some salesman. And I will learn patience. Maybe.

Dog Gone Cute

Yeah - my dog is cute. Two things he did the other day - first he defended his house. We had friends who were parking at our house as we live near an airport and they wanted to save on parking. When they pulled in the driveway, he barked away. That's not the cute part. It was when he was done with the real barking and he did one of those kind of "mfff" barks - not a real bark kind of like "I'm still here, just don't forget it" kind of barks that I think are so cute. Then later - the real cuteness. He was so darn funny. I got on my little stair stepper that I haven't used in ages. He hears me, comes upstairs and starts barking at it. Then he walks closer, still barking and stops, then leans towards it - trying to stay a safe distance away, but leaning in as close as he can to sniff it. It was too funny. Wish I had had a camera!

Do you want your dreams to come true?

Have you ever had a dream for a long time and then when it might come true, you are not sure you want it as much anymore? Something you've longed for may finally be yours for the asking and now you're not sure about taking it? I'm dealing with that right now. I'm not sure what to do, where to go. Sometimes it's easier to deal with not being able to have what you want when you can't get it than to deal with the reality that you can have it. And it may be mine for the asking - but I don't know what the answer will be when I ask. If it's no, will the blow be more crushing or will my current ambivalence soften the blow. It's not the getting what I want part that I'm not sure about, it's what it means down the road for other plans I've been making. When it became kind of evident (or so I thought) that this dream would go unfulfilled, I started thinking about "consolation prizes" and other ways life would work and be good. Can I take on the commitment now? Can I be successful at it? Will I resent it? If I don't take it on - will I forever regret it? Different pieces of my life are close to intersecting right now. It could be awesome. It could be disastrous. And then - at the last minute - they might veer off and never meet. I feel like this is a life pop-quiz right now and what if I get it wrong?

The Good, the Bad and the ugly

I'm going to start with the bad. I went out to dinner with my cousins at their club on Friday. For dessert, I ordered the chocolate lava cake. It's one of those molten chocolate things, with the cake on the outside and the melted chocolate on the inside. It was served with vanilla ice cream. What a disappointment. The cake was not very good - it had this kind of skin on it and was just altogether too bland for a chocolate cake. The melted chocolate was not very warm and the scoop of ice cream was a kind of puny scoop. I ate about half.

Onto the ugly. Having read the above, you might guess that the ugly would be the number showing on my scale. You would be right. Diet starts tomorrow. How much trouble can I get in tonight!!

The good. It's here. It's time. That little sign that says "summer is coming before you know it!" Yes, it is Opening Day! I just heard the Yankee song on the radio. What a happy little tune.

Boomer, the Bad Dog

Yesterday afternoon, while at my in-laws, my SIL N. was taking her dog out to do business. Boomer snuck around her and got out. He had been watching the squirrel activity off and on during the day - so I think that's where he was headed. I heard N yell to me, went running out and realized what was going on. I tried the emergency recall - did not work. A later told me I did it wrong. I was supposed to yell the magic word "Here" and then run away from him, so that he would follow me. My bad. Anyway - Boomer ran to the neighbor's house, around the side yard, jumped off a wall, through pricker bushes, back to in-law's house, around another neighbor - all over. I would yell "get over here" and he would stop running away from me, would head back to me - but at a mad dash so that I could not catch him. In retrospect, I think he thought it was some huge game. I was scared. He was just running like a madman - or a maddog - and it was an unfamiliar neighborhood. He's only been there a couple of times. He finally went running up a neighbor's driveway and between their fence and garage. Fortunately, there was only one way out and one way in. He realized that, saw me standing at the entrance and kind of sheepishly came up to me. As we brought him back to the in-law's, A was dealing with the disciplining of him and saw he was bleeding. I just wanted to cry. MIL was crying, SIL was shaking. I think I was the only one who saw where he had been and really knew how badly he could have been hurt. He had a scratch on his belly and he skinned his chin. He didn't seem upset - except for having been caught - only the people were upset. I was stressed the rest of the day and all the way home. All I could think of was how fast he got away and how we could have lost him. I love that little boy.

Happy St Patrick's Day

I'm wearing green - well teal. I haven't got anything green in work attire. I'll have to fix that for next year. Although next year, I hope to be at the parade in the city watching A march with the FDNY pipe band!

It's Monday. Mondays generally suck. This one doesn't suck too bad - but it's still a Monday. I weighed myself this morning. Bad idea. I'm seeing the after-effects of the parade I went to Saturday. Okay - it wasn't the parade that did it - it was the bar-hopping afterwards. Let's just say I had fun. :)

As Promised - Evidence of Spring

Ignore my lovely garden hose in the last picture.
I also have daffodils, tulips and hyacinths pushing their stems up. Spring's coming soon!

Monday

I heard that the state of CT may pass some legislation banning people from "blocking the box." YAY! That's one of my driving pet peeves. That and people who drive in the left lane but fail to go faster than those in the middle or right lanes are my biggest driving pet peeves. At least today.

Girl Scout cookies are evil. Okay - they aren't - but I have no will power when it comes to them. Thank God they are not available year round. I think I need to eat my stash before I start weight watchers at work.

I plan to go for a walk at lunchtime today. I'm still following my "do one thing to be fit each day" and since I've been eating Girl Scout cookies this morning, I thin I need to do two today! I did pilates this morning. I was going to take the dogger for a walk - but it was like 17 degrees out. I couldn't do that to the poor animal. Okay - I couldn't do that to me - the heck with the dog.

Spring is coming. I have proof. I will try to post it tomorrow. So - for now - Happy Monday!

March Madness/March Magic

I wonder sometimes what the neighbors think when I take the dog out to do business. There I am sounding, I think, quite mad. Not angry mad, crazy mad. "Do poops, do poops, do your poops, pick a spot, good spot, good spot, come on do your poops." And on it goes. They must think I'm nuts. It doesn't help that I have a dog that has "preferred pooping areas" aka "the landing strip." Boomer is slightly picky about where he poops. He has a preferred area and we need to clear the landing strip on a regular basis or the little bugger just won't poop. He does have a secondary landing strip - they are all on the periphery of the yard - which is good. It limits the chances you'll accidentally step in poop - but boy is he a finicky little bugger.

As for the March magic - I may have to take pics so you'll believe me - but - my flowers are starting to come up! I have crocuses, tulips, hyacinth and daffodils starting to sprout. It's so exciting. I wonder when the stuff I planted last fall will start making an appearance. I have to order some plants for the other side of the house, which is this year's gardening project. I need a mix of sunny and shady. I will take pics as the project progresses.

Temptation

It's sitting right behind me. 6 of them. Calling my name. Saying "Eat me! Eat me!" Girl Scout cookies. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through the day without ripping open a box. Or two. They are not part of my "do something to be fit each day" resolution. But - I'm past the wedding where I wanted to fit into a dress and I'm starting weight watchers at work again soon. Maybe I could do this? No. Must. Be. Good.

just thoughts

I had my big interview. I think it went well. The Chairman told me I did well. I don't know if he was just being reassuring or if I should take that as a sign. A had been told by someone who has some insight into the process that I was the leading candidate going into this year. If that's true - well - I don't think I've done anything to jeopardize that, but others may have increased their value and passed me out. And in the end, I know it may hinge on factors that have nothing to do with me or with the other candidates. I could get the presidency - or lose it - based on the need to fill the slot with a certain profile.

While A and I were away, it snowed here. Two thoughts come out of that. One - it's great to live in a nice neighborhood where your neighbors clear your sidewalk for you if you can't. Two - always keep a snow brush in your vehicle.

I don't like the little planes where, to look out the window, you have to look down.

Parents should sit with their children on planes instead of sitting together and putting the kids in a separate row.

Charleston, SC is a lovely city. I want to go back.

I've got the best husband in the world. Okay - he's not perfect - but he's pretty darn wonderful. I wouldn't trade him in for anything.

Stressing

I'm good at stressing. I can stress over truly stupid things - I'm talking irrational stress. I would say that A has gotten pretty good at handling me when I stress. He is learning when to back off and just let me stress, when to appease me and when to coax me down. Sometimes when I stress, something silly will relieve me and it worsens the stress if I don't get my something silly. But - I know that it is usually better to try to get over the stressor item, but sometimes I think - just do what I want and I'll feel better faster. Friday night, we went to a concert. Our seats were in the nosebleed section. I'm afraid of heights. Welcome high stress levels. It was dark when we went in, so it was hard to see our row number. A had trouble at first getting that I needed to stop looking for the seats and have him find me and guide me there. I could not deal with the stress of finding our seats and being so far up I swear it was only a few steps to heaven. Now - was I rational? Hell no. Could A have resolved it quickly? Hell yes. Was it wise that he didn't? In the long run, I would have to say probably yes.

I've been stressing about an upcoming interview. I've applied to be President of my national professional association. As I was writing this post - just finished the first paragraph - I got a call with bad news. A colleague of mine - someone I really enjoyed - passed away last night. It was not expected. The interview - eh - I see how silly it is to stress over it now. I probably will start again Thursday morning, but right now - if I didn't get it - I'm still here, still have a lot ahead of me. Don's death puts a little perspective on it.

The evil snooze button & Lenten resolutions

I swear - it's meant to torture me. I don't fall asleep as easily or as deeply as A does. So, when he has to get up early and he asks me to set the alarm, I always have a sense of dread. I know what's coming in the morning. The alarm will go off. It wakes me, not him. I nudge him awake. He asks me to hit the snooze button. He will go back to sleep - snoring even. I will lay there, tired, but unable to sleep. About 7 minutes later, we do it again. About 20-30 minutes later, he gets up and I can sleep until my alarm goes off. My extra sleep time though is now down to 15 - 30 minutes.

On another note - it's Lent. I'm not a good church going Catholic anymore, but my religion is still a big part of me. So - what to do for Lent. As kids - it was give something up. For many years as an adult, I would give up chocolate. That is a big deal for me. Can't do that this year. Anyway, in recent years, I have tried to do something more positive. So this year, A & I jointly made a "get fit" resolution for Lent. My plan is to do something good for me fitness wise everyday. By that I mean take a walk, do 20 minutes of pilates, lift weights, stuff like that. I'm also toying with idea of trying to get to work on time as a Lenten resolution. I'm always about 10 minutes late. But - when I have meetings until 10 at night - it's kind of hard to get myself up and in early the next day. We'll see.

I haven't added to my "life list" in a while - but this week, the Giants inspired me. I would like to go to the Super Bowl some year. I should say - I don't necessarily have to go to the game although that would be awesome. I would just like to be in the host city and go to some of the side events to experience some of the hoopla.

No Asterisk Needed!

Giants win the Super Bowl! OMG OMG OMG! Just some rambling thoughts from the game...I screamed when Plaxico caught the winning TD pass, poor A had just chased the dog into the dining room and missed it....how did Eli get out of that sack...how did David Tyree make that catch....the defense was incredible....Tom Brady has got to be one hurting puppy today...Parade Tuesday...the Giants have never had a ticker tape parade .....can't say I'm sorry to see Belichick lose....so - you trademarked 19-0? hahahahaha hope it cost a lot of money.....how about Boss stepping up at tight end after Shockey went down....is Bradshaw incredible or what - they way he wrestled that fumble away from a guy twice his size....was it a good luck omen for former Giants Phillipi Sparks's daughter to sing the national anthem?.....she's good....first call after the game was to my sister that lives and works in Boston....we just screamed on the phone for a bit....I have loved the Giants forever, this is so sweet, so sweet.....Strahan and Toomer will get their rings, I'm glad....Coughlin smiled!....Osi Umenyura is funny - and good...figures Plaxico would catch the winning TD, the guy always contributes...and how about Plaxico playing on a bum ankle all season long and a sore knee in the Super Bowl...and Ross with a bum shoulder....I was hoping for a couple of picks, but I'll take the sacks...18-1 sounds good to me, no asterisk needed

14 things

Okay - I'm doing something called a meme? I got off a friend's blog - it looked fun so I'm doing it. It has 13 things in it. So why is my title 14 things? Well - because I had something else I wanted to say today too. Do you ever get surprised or stunned when you see how shallow some people are? There is someone in my world in whom I have seen a certain level of shallowness before - but today she said something revealing another level of shallowness that just really surprised me. There's not much you can do about that. We all have our moments where we are incredibly shallow, not a one of us is perfect. Okay - maybe Mother Teresa was, but we're not talking about her. This one just kind of hit me - made me go Wow.
Anyway - on to 13 other things ...
1. Who was your FIRST date with?
~ Well - I had a blind date in college for a school dance, otherwise - get this - I was something like 22 and it was someone I met through the Young Dems!
2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
~ occasionally
3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?
~ A beer - don't recall the brand
4. What was your FIRST car?
~ Let's see - the first one that was mainly mine was a 1972 Chevy Impala - yellow. That thing was a tank. The first one I bought myself was a Camaro. MISTAKE! That car had serious design flaws.
5. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
~ Sister John Joseph, SSND
6. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
~ Ireland.
7. Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with them?
~ Claire. No.
8. Who was your FIRST kiss?~ I really don't remember! Couldn't have been all that good a kiss!9. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
~Besides turning off the alarm? Went upstairs and read my e-mail.
10. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
~ ELO
11. FIRST foreign country you went to?
~ Canada
12. When was your FIRST detention?
~ I’ve never gotten a detention
13. What was the FIRST state you lived in?
~ Connecticut.

Who to vote for?

Crap! I don't know who I to vote for in the primary next week or November. I like Hillary Clinton, but I don't really care for the idea that 2 families will have controlled the White House for the past twenty years if she wins. Barack Obama is okay, but I just don't feel he has the experience yet. He's been a Senator for 3 years. I would have been happier if he had waited another 4 years or so to run. I guess he felt he needed to get in there while he's a hot property. In another 4 years, he may not have been. I like John Edwards, but he doesn't seem to be getting anywhere and I hear he may be dropping out. I was seriously considering him as a viable alternative to Hillary and Barack. BTW - I'm a Dem.
As for the Republicans - can't stand Giuliani - didn't see why he was considered viable in the first place. I like McCain - but he's so old. I'm having a hard time getting past that - but he may be who I end up voting for - and I have very rarely voted for a Republican. I mean like - twice in the nearly 30 years I have been voting! I've very rarely found one I felt deserved my vote. Anyway - I digress. Mitt Romney is plastic, phony, and just plain nauseating.
I guess, in the end, next week I will be voting for Hillary Clinton. I may vote for McCain in the fall though.

Random Thoughts

• I am habitually late for work. It's just 10 minutes or so - but I just can't seem to get here on time. Today was worse than normal. I went to start drying my hair and looked at the clock and it was already the time by which I should be leaving the house. Oh well.
• I arrived at work and the elevator was on the ground floor, door open, waiting for me. I don't usually take the elevator unless I'm carrying a lot of stuff - but this morning, it seemed like it was waiting for me.
• When I wear a thong to work, I usually keep a pair of panties in my briefcase, just in case. You never know when the feeling of having floss up your butt will get to be too much.
• It's very sweet when you are laying in bed watching TV and the dog curls up next to you and rests his head on your shoulder. It's not so sweet when you go to brush your teeth and come back to find he's just flopped his body into your spot in the bed.
• Lately Boomer has taken to finding pieces of paper laying around and chewing them. What's up with that!
• Boomer doesn't like it when the landing zone (aka where he likes to poop) is full of poops. We must do poop pickup more frequently.
• The library in the town I work for is the best library in the state, if not the country, if not the world. And the library cult members - I mean staff and board - tell you that every chance they get.
• I'm kind of tired of hearing about Tom Brady's ankle. Yeah, it may have an impact on his ability to push off when passing, but it's just not as big as if he broke his throwing arm.
• Go Giants!

A little sad today

It was two years ago today that I lost my baby. It's a sad day. I'm much better than I was last year, but I think I will always be a little sad on the anniversary. I loved my baby so much - had such great hopes. I'll never know if it was a little boy or girl - but I always thought it was going to be a little boy. I'm very lucky. I have a wonderful husband and a mostly wonderful dog, but still, I lost something precious two years ago. So, I'm a little sad today.

I love my dog, but...

He bit me today. He's normally a pretty good dog. Some of his antics can be annoying, but his behavior with people and other dogs is friendly and playful. He goes to the kennel and is in doggie daycare and plays all day long with other dogs and is fine. We have been in our home and other people's homes with other dogs and he is fine. The problem is when he's on his leash and sees another dog and the other dog starts barking at him. When that happens - he goes nuts and is hard to control. When A and I are walking him together, we can sometimes avoid the unpleasantness by distracting him - breaking the cycle. We do that sometimes with treats. Today on our walk, first dog to bark at him was in a yard. Boomer cried, but then nudged me as if to say "I'm being good, give me a treat." He was being very good, I told him so and gave him a treat. I thought we had done it, trained him to be good when other dogs barked at him in exchange for a reward. (Boomer is very food-motivated.) We were further in our walk, almost home when we see a dachsund on a leash. Dachsund starts barking. I try to distract Boomer with a treat. That does not work. I try grabbing the scruff of his neck he twists away and bites me. He didn't break skin, but I think that's only because I had a winter jacket on. He actually left a mark. I was so upset, I did something I should not have done, but I spanked him. I know that's not the way to train him, but I needed to get his attention and break his frenzy. It did work. I then told him how bad he was. I came home, called A and then cried. We are going to get him private lessons with the owner of the kennel we go use. We've been told he works wonders with dog aggression. I hope he can work his magic on Boomer. I love my dog, but I can't deal with this behavior.

Hope

Hope is a wonderful thing. Or is it? I recently read an article in the NY Times that referred to a study where they said that some times hope could be an obstacle to emotional recovery. I can see that. Every month, I hope that I will get pregnant. I can see how that hope has kept me from getting over the fact that I will probably remain childless. I would really like to move on and deal with that, be okay with that, but it's not a done deal - there is hope. So - as long as there is hope, I won't get over it. I don't think I should then. I am realistic. I know the odds are against me - but I don't think I could be happy long term if I felt that I didn't give it every possible chance. So, one day I will go through menopause and hope will be gone. I will then recover emotionally from my infertility- I hope.

What else do we hope for? I had actually been thinking about blogging about hope since I read this article. At the time, I was hoping the Giants would beat Green Bay - but I didn't know how realistic that was. My hopes were fulfilled. This time. Will they be fulfilled in just under two weeks? I hope that we beat the Patriots.

We hope for so much, in all aspects of our lives. Sometimes, all we can do is hope. Other times, we can give our hope a little support with actions. I can hope to lose weight but if that's all I'm doing - it's not likely. I can hope to get pregnant - but if I'm not having sex - well - not only will my husband be unhappy, there's no chance of pregnancy. It's not enough to hope when you can get out there and do something to make your hopes come true. You hope you get a better job soon? Well - get that resume out there and pound the pavement! You hope you lose weight by bikini season? Get on the treadmill, get off the chocolate doughnuts. I hope the Giants beat the Patriots, so I will wear my lucky Giants shirt, drink out of my lucky Giants glass and sit in my lucky "watch the Giants win" spot in the living room. Okay - so that stuff really won't help the Giants, but I'm superstitious so it will help me.

Hope is what tells us sometimes that tomorrow will be a better day than today, so we keep going. So yes, sometimes hope can be an obstacle to emotional recovery, but overall, life without hope just is impossible to imagine.

How 'bout them Giants!

I do so love my NY Football Giants! I do so hate the Dallas Cowboys. No victory is ever as sweet as one against the Cowboys, particularly when we're not supposed to win. Win we did yesterday! It was a great game. The defense just stepped up in the second half - did what they had to do. The secondary had been decimated. One of the dbacks had been on the practice squad earlier in the year. They held it together. The line got pressure on Romo. They virtually shut down TO and Crayton. It was great. I was so excited during the game, I was teaching the dog to high-five. Boomer's a quick study! So - the only disappointing thing? I don't know any Cowboy fans that I can call and razz! Of course - reason for that is - well - what can I say about the character of a Cowboy fan? I see it as a serious character flaw. Anyway - one more thing to say - this was my alternate title - Gotcha Popcorn Ready?

Dancing Deer Baked Goods

OMG - this stuff is good. A Chocoholic's delight! A dieter's nemesis! A vendor sent me some stuff from dancing deer last year. I was so disappointed before Christmas when I got a little wallet sized notepad with a calculator from said vendor. Then - Wednesday - I walk into my office and there it is. The box. OMG! Last year I got 2 packages each of Chocolate Chunk Cookies and Brownies. This year, I got those as well and a chocolate espresso cake. I am usually a kind considerate person and share such goodies with everyone in the office. Well - I wasn't 100% kind. I kept one package of the cookies and one of the brownies all for me. Okay - giving myself a little credit, I did bring the brownies home and they are on the counter for A to have one if he wants. Not that I told him or that they are somewhere he might notice them - but if he finds them, I will not deny my beloved a brownie. But would I rather he not see them? So that I can have them all to myself? YAH! Who you kidding! My name is Kate and I'm a chocoholic. These are not helping my diet. Not at all. But - I shouldn't be wasteful. These are baked goods and without preservatives, so they need to be eaten in a timely fashion. Cleaning my plate, so to speak.
And the boxes they came in are neat too.
Seriously, if you need to send a gift to a chocoholic, http://www.dancingdeer.com/ They're the bomb.

The Club I DON'T want to join

The club I don't want to join just got a new member. A firefighter was killed on the job last night in Brooklyn. I was watching ER when they did one of their news teasers. He and his wife had a 2 year old and she's pregnant. My greatest fear is seeing the department car pull up in front of my house. I always tell A that I love him when he goes to work - just in case it's the last time I get to say it. If I'm home when he's leaving or he'll be leaving before I get home, I make sure to kiss him goodbye, just in case.

Happiness is....

...a warm towel. Today anyway. When I got in the shower this morning, I draped my towel over the radiator, thinking maybe it would be nice if it was warmed up. It surely was. Now I want a towel warmer, but have no place for it. That will be on my list when we renovate the house. Until then, putting the towel on the radiator will have to do. I hope that's not a fire hazard.

....cuteness from my dog. Sometime last night, Boomer got a loop from an afghan wound around one of his dog tags. He came down from the 3rd floor to the 2nd with it trailing behind. He slept in his own bed most of the night with it attached to him. A and I had no idea until this morning when we got up and he came to stand by my side of the bed - and didn't leave - so I looked down at him (I'm fairly blind without glasses on) and I see his little problem. Poor baby.

I feel a little lost sometimes - basically every time I see someone has joined "the club" or re-upped. Knowing that I'll probably never have membership is disconcerting. I'm happy for those who got to join - more for some than others and - okay - downright pissed that some people got membership and I didn't. I want to handle my disappointment. I want to be okay with not joining. On New Year's Eve, a friend who joined "the club" after some difficulty told me she was afraid to talk to me about it because she didn't want to hurt me. That made me sad too - because I'm happy for her. Why am I happy for some, but not all? Too cosmic to figure out. At least right now. I have a cold coming on. A dentist visit coming up. And no husband at home tonight. At least I have a cute puppy. And I had a warm towel this morning.

ROAD TRIP!

A & I went on a road trip last week. The Boom Doggie went to doggie vacation. We're back. It was fun - not as fun as it would have been if UCONN had won - but, fun none the less. So - some thoughts, comments, memories...

• I added a new state to my list of states visited. Knock West Virginia off the list.
• Sometimes I would really like to tell my navigation system to shut the F*** up.
• Navigation systems should have an option for "scenic route".
• Western Virginia has some very lovely scenery. Lots of cows too.
• All Cracker Barrels look exactly alike.
• Cracker Barrels have good food. We ate at least 4 meals at Cracker Barrels on the way. The best was the Reuben in Carlisle, PA that was followed up with a warm fruit cobbler topped with vanilla ice cream.
• I need to start dieting again.
• The people we tailgate with are pretty cool.
• Charlotte was overrun with Husky fans last weekend. You couldn't go anywhere without seeing someone in blue and white.
• UCONN needs a new offensive coordinator. 4th and inches and you don't send your 6'4" QB on a sneak? You send a back starting 3 yards back to try and get it? 'Nuff said.
• UCONN Special Teams did a hell of a job. Good coaching Lyndon!
• I don't think bands are a big thing in the ACC. Either that or Wake Forest left 2/3 of their band home.
• UCONN's band is good and the kids have fun. Fans even stayed in the stands to cheer for our band.
• UCONN fans are awesome and loyal.
• Tailgating is fun even when you lose. Watching almost 40 year olds shotgunning beer is amusing.
• Country music is not as bad as I thought it would be. As a trade-off for A doing all the driving - well - I got the better of that deal for sure.
• NASCAR is growing on me. Seeing all the cars at the RCR museum was cool. Especially the wrecked cars.
• I think I could deal with a Carolina winter.
• I wish UCONN had won, but still, it was a great season. Next year I'm expecting big things.
• It was nice to get home and to go pick up the Boom Doggie. I miss that little face when I'm away.

Post Holiday Post

I love my husband. He came up with some really good gifts this year. That's not why I love him - just a comment.

I think I did a sucky job on his gifts. I hit it right about every other year.

The dog and I are blue today. We both miss all the activity of the last several days.

I have one cousin who is a total ass. His idea of dinner conversation on Christmas Eve was to grill me about the floods in the town I work for like it was my fault. He was asking what "our property taxes pay for" and I pointed out to him that he doesn't pay any taxes in town. I made an obscene gesture and left the table.

My brother is still a shithead.

Dinner with mom & the sisters went well. It was very relaxed. The table looked lovely - especially my new reindeer table runner from the Pottery Barn! I wish I had taken a picture. The dogs quieted down enough for us to eat peacefully. It was truly funny watching my sister's little cocker spaniel get annoyed with Boomer and chase him down the stairs. The best was when Boomer tried to hide under the table. Well - no - really - the best was that Boomer slept very soundly in his own bed because he was just exhausted.

I'm doing a ton of laundry today - post holiday, pre-bowl game trip. Go UCONN.

I really am blue - I hate the let down after the holiday. I'm looking to keep myself occupied, so in addition to laundry, I'm going to get back to knitting the sweater I started for A about 5 years ago. Yeah. I started it 5 years ago. I take a loooooong time to finish projects like that.

My aunt gave me my grandmother's cookie plate. It's 77 years old. I love having stuff of Nanny's to use.

Can I mention again that I love my husband? He's just a good guy and so darn cute. I love kissing him, being held in his arms, just hearing him breathe at night. Next year, if his work group does not change - he'll be off duty Christmas Day, all day! Please, please no group changes next year. Since we've been together, the only time I've had him all day Christmas Day was the year he was on medical leave because he had shoulder surgery. So - if it's not too early, I will make my Christmas wish for next year - to have A. off duty on Christmas Day.

Happy Holidays?

I was all psyched for the holidays six weeks ago. We bought a new Christmas tree and some decorations and I was psyched. Now 4 days away - not so much. I still need to do a fair amount of cleaning. A can not help much because he's laid up with diverticulitis. He is doing what he can though. We have to drive to his parents tomorrow to do an early Christmas with them, then home on Sunday. So - I lose at least a day where I could be cleaning - more like a day and a half. So - I'm trying to get it done at night after work. This is a lesson to me to try to keep up with it during the year - like maybe dust regularly. Mainly though, it's a lot of tidying up and serious cleaning - like "Mom's coming" kind of cleaning. I don't want to be doing these multiple Christmases every year - there's got to be another choice. Then there's the brother thing - not an upper going into the holiday. Then I get my period just in time to be staying at someone else's house. I hate that. I just hate that. So it's not just another month of not being pregnant, which while I recognize would be somewhat miraculous, I still hope for, it's the damn curse and the lack of privacy while having it. Maybe I'm psychotic or something, but I don't like other people knowing about my private bodily functions. (Although here I am blabbing it on the internet.)  Merry Christmas my ass.

My brother is a shithead

I think I've mentioned this fact before. He wasn't born one, he became one. Marriage to the right person will do that to you. Her ability to turn him into a shithead was aided by the fact that my brother is a ball-less wonder. I don't think that he is literally ball-less. I'm sure Mom would have mentioned that at some point. Anyway, I digress. The latest event evidencing my brother's shitheadedness is related to my mother's 75th birthday party. Allegedly, shithead, bitch-in-law and children could not attend because bitch's family was hosting a 50th birthday party for her that same night. So - let's go from there. Bitch calls my aunt and tells her that oh - it is so bad that the sisters (that would be me and my sisters) let them know about mom's party too late for them to come to the party, their party plans had already been made. UM - hello shithead brother. we have written evidence - written by you - that proves you knew about Mom's party back in September, which is when we decided to have it. Couldn't let you know any sooner - and over two (2) months in advance is not freaking enough time? Even if it wasn't - was it really necessary for your bitch wife to call our aunt and say, basically, oh those sisters are so awful, it's their fault we are not attending. How about this one, shithead? Why did it never occur to you that Mom was turning 75 and that we should do something? Why didn't you take the initiative and suggest a party? Oh right - you are a shithead.
So - now - it's one month later. Cousin K has invited everyone to his home for Christmas Eve. Now - K is none too happy about brother not coming to Mom's Christmas party. So - when brother calls him to say he can't come to Christmas Eve, K pounces on the whole party thing - says "hey, where was my invitation to bitch's birthday party?" (well - he used her name - but you get the idea). Well - this is where it gets really good and brother's shitheadedness shows itself once again. The answer was "well - that ended up not happening, we just went out and had a nice dinner - just us." Now - we don't know who just us was - but - THERE WAS NO 50TH BIRTHDAY PARTY. These kind of things just don't fall apart last minute. They could have come to my mother's party. Yes, it would have been a 4 hour drive - but one of my aunts came from Florida for it - he couldn't drive 4 freaking hours?!?!?! And then he says - just to top it off - "we'll have to get together for a beer and have a talk" as if he is somehow going to explain why, despite there being no conflicting party, they didn't go to the Cape for Mom's party. I can see it now - it will somehow be the fault of me and my sister's. I don't think he realizes that his gig is really up with most of the family. They see what he and his wife are and they don't buy the excuses - but no one says anything to them outright in order to protect my mother.
Now - I've invited that asshole and his wife for Christmas. I so desperately want to call him and tell him to forget it, don't come. Please note - that it's been 2 weeks since I invited him and he has yet to respond. It didn't get lost in the mail - we talked on the phone and I said "please come" - so I can't wait to hear the excuse for not calling with an answer - if he ever even does. Anyway - I digress again. I feel like I"m in a position where I can not uninvite him because that would then require an explanation. Either I make up an explanation that makes me look bad - or I tell the truth and my mother is hurt. She doesn't deserve that.

Let me tell you this right here and now. When my mother passes away (God willing many years from now) I plan to deliver a eulogy. At that point - if he hasn't changed his ways, it's no holds barred. I will consider the fact that we will be in a church when I plan what to say and I may keep the remarks such that I don't actually name names, but I will get my say and if the two of them don't get what I'm saying in church, I'll make sure they get it afterwards. And then, I'll have no more to do with them. They will cease to exist for me.

Snow thoughts

I think Boomer likes the snow. I love watching him run around in it. It's adorable the way he kind of bounds through it sometimes when it is deep. And how he chases the snow. Last year, the snow crusted over for a while and I would drag him around - watching him slide and seeing the slightly freaked out look on his face made me laugh!

We got out of work early yesterday, due to the snow. It annoys the heck out of me that the employee in my office who can walk to work always seems to be the first to respond to the notice that we are closing early due to snow.

I was a responsible neighbor this morning. I got out there and shovelled my sidewalk. Kids in our neighborhood have to walk to school, so I wanted our section clear for them. Then I had to shovel out the end of the driveway. The way the plow had packed the snow in there made it kind of like a cliff. I wasn't sure that my car would get through it like that. My neighbor said that's one of the reasons he'll never have a car again - always going for an SUV. Let me tell you - I'm thinking about it!

Yesterday's storm was one of the best kind we could get. The bulk of it was between 7 and 3 - so overtime should not be so bad. Nice way to look at it - huh! :) Can't help it - it's in my genes. There was nothing my dad hated more than snow on a holiday. That meant triple time for the guys on the public works crew.

Ah well - this season brings another thing besides snow - the Salvation Army bell ringers. I'm off now to go ring the bell with our Tax Collector. We'll be relieving two cops. Want to bet the cops get the biggest donations? I told them it wasn't fair to be carrying their guns while they did it but....hey - it is for charity.

Life's Little Irritants

While it's nice to have a well-trained dog that informs you when he needs to go out and do his business, it's completely annoying when he decides to do that in the middle of the night. I love that little face, but not at 3:30 am.

Food that is good for you should taste good. Food that is bad for you should taste bad. Something is just wrong with the world.

There is no such word as "alot". That one irks me like no other misuse of the English language. Well, maybe my old boss's use of "supposably" irked me more.

Air machines should be free everywhere. Every gas station should have one and it should be in working order.

Not such a bad list. I'm in a good mood today.

Life's little pleasures

It's amazing sometimes what little things will please a dog. Going for a walk around the neighborhood is one of Boomer's favorite things. It's doesn't seem like a big deal to a human - but boy does that little dog love his jaunts. And while he's walking - this time of year - an added bonus is leaf piles. People have raked their leaves into piles streetside, to be picked up by the Town's vacuum truck. Boomer just loves to run through those piles. Amazing the simple pleasures for a dog!

For me, it's sunsets, A's smile, good music, hot cocoa, warm brownies or apple pie, a cold beer on a hot day, the smells and sounds of the ocean, a fire in the fireplace. (For A - it's a fire anywhere as long as he's fighting it!) There's more - fresh sheets, warm sand under my toes, freshly cut grass, the smell of a rose - especially when I grew it! It's reaching out at night with my foot and finding A's foot in bed. It's sitting on my front porch with a cup of coffee and the newspaper or a good book. It's hearing my windchimes or hearing Boomer's tail thump against the floor as I approach him. It's lots of things every day. There's a book I have somewhere - something like "14000 things to be happy about" it's got good stuff in it - little things you forget about usually, but when you read them you think - yeah - that's something to be happy about.

I've got to do a post on life's little irritants too (like rubberneckers) - but I thought I would focus on the good stuff first.

Trading one yucky job for another

So - it looks like we may be done with union negotiations for a few years. Keep your fingers crossed people. It's been a long road since we started with the first one almost two years ago. With luck, by this time next week, that union will have approved their contract, then there will only be one more to go. So - that's done - but my boss volunteered me to serve as finance director for a coalition of communities. That part's not so bad. What's bad is having to go to their meetings. The person they have selected as their Director (kind of by default because she organized the coalition originally) is just a total scatterbrain. She has lots of information, but is completely incapable of presenting it in an organized manner. Oh - and the drama as she talks about issues. Good Lord spare me! My boss owes me. She totally owes me. And she knows it. I think she partly did it so that she would have someone to commiserate with at these meetings.

I haven't done a happy thought in a while - so today's is - I'm having a lot of fun giving little presents to my Secret Santa recipient at work.

As for the life list - I'll have to go back and check what I've listed so far.

Confessions

It's good for the soul right? Okay..

I only just took off my toenail polish from this summer.

I invite my brother and his family (bitch-in-law, etc) to my house for Christmas dinner. I did not do it with pure intentions. For one - I figure they won't come. For two - I did it mainly so that they could not say I didn't invite them. Granted the bitch will likely say I waited until late to ask - but she would come up with something to complain about even if I had asked them back in August (which is around the time I last painted my toenails).

My office is a disaster.

I have been cheating a bit on my diet - eating chocolate at work. It's very hard not to do so.

There's a couple of changes that may happen staff wise here and I think they are long overdue. I can't say that to the people involved because one is a friend - but it's time she leaves. The other one - I can't stand - which I guess is a corollary confession. She's a holier than though know it all who portrays herself as this down to earth "real" I say what I mean kind of person. She is not at all a team player and really - just - as they say "thinks who she is". Not sure what that really means - but it describes her well.



Last one - I made my dog wear an elf hat and reindeer ears to pose for our Christmas card photos. Evidence below.

Now that I have confessed - maybe I'll go say 3 Hail Marys and an Act of Contrition.

The Child Inside

It's still there - I'm still part child. This year I celebrated yet another anniversary of my 39th birthday, but I haven't completely grown up yet. I still want to know what my Christmas presents are before Christmas. I want to be invited to all of the parties and I'm sad and feeling left out when I am not. I hate to lose. I love to win. I get scared of new things, noises in the night and the unknown. I've learned to mask these things - but they are there. I didn't get invited to this one Christmas party this year and I am really disappointed and hurt. It's a business thing. I have to think that the reason I was not invited is that I am not a client of the host. I can understand that - but it still hurts. It's always a fun party and a bunch of my friends go. I've never been a client of this guy and he always invites me - so why not this year. I wonder too - I have a chance to become a kind of important person in our professional world next year - and I wonder - will I get invited then? Then will I be mad because I clearly got invited more because I'm now kind of important and they want to be able to say I was there? That would hurt too.

Being an adult is not so bad. I've got a lot going on at work right now - and will continue to have a lot going on right up through mid-April. It's stressful. I'm doing double duty - my job and my boss's. The new boss starts in about 6 weeks - but that's right when budget starts and that goes on until April. Sometimes I feel like there just aren't enough hours in the day, days in the week to do it all - and I worry that there are things that maybe I should be doing, but I'm not aware of them and how do I address that because I really want to be doing a good job at this. Especially now that I'm getting paid extra to do it. Not a lot extra, so I don't feel like I have to actually do all aspects of both jobs to earn the dollars - but still, I want to do a good job. Monday, at one point, I thought my head might explode. I just needed to quiet - nothing running through my brain for a few minutes to stop it - kind of like taking boiling water off the burner for a bit. Anyway - I can handle it - and it's good to know that I can - but I'll be glad when the end of April rolls around. I think I need to plan for a little time off then. That's when the child inside can go play!

Let me rest!

When I first typed that - I typed "Let me reset!" I think maybe that was appropriate. I'm so tired right now. I've been doing my job plus my boss's. Last night that meant being at a meeting until 11:24. PM that is. I have to be here again tonight for my own job and I fear it being almost as late. I have a 7 am train in the morning. That doesn't sound too bad - except that means I have to be out of the house by 6:30 to get there, go upstairs and get my ticket and get back downstairs with sufficient cushion to ease my over anxious mind. Hopefully I can sleep on the train.

So - my dog thinks he's smart.

Yes indeed. In fact, I think he thinks he's smarter than me. See - he's not allowed up on our bed, but he goes up there when he thinks we are not looking - like when I'm taking a shower in the morning. Then when he hears me finishing up in the bathroom, he jumps down onto his bed and lays down. He thinks he has me fooled. He has no idea that I hear him jump down or that I can feel the warm spot where his little body had been curled up. It reminds me of my family's first dog - Charlie. Charlie used to crawl under my parents' bed (he was a mini-poodle) when he heard my father going down to bed. If Dad didn't make him come out, he would wait until after my dad got into bed, then he would come out and jump up into the bed. Silly doggies. It is so cute that they think they've outsmarted us.

GO UCONN!

UConn Husky,symbol of might to the foe.Fight, fight Connecticut, it's victr'y, Let's goConnecticut U Conn Husky,victr'y again for the White and BlueSo go, go, go Connecticut,Connecticut U. Fight!C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I C-U-T. Connecticut,Connecticut Husky, Connecticut Husky,Connecticut C-O-N-N-U. Fight! (repeat)

Had to post that. I need to learn the words! One more regular season game against West Virginia. If UCONN wins that game, they win the Big East. Okay - it's a long shot - but wow! They could win the Big East. They should be going to a good bowl game regardless. We'll be going with them.

My dog lifted his leg to pee!

Not noteworthy you think? Well then, clearly you do not have a boy dog who is expected to be among the manliest of manly dogs who used to squat like a girlie dog. He's not doing it all the time, but more and more, he is not just sniffing at trees and squatting in the grass, he is lifting his leg and peeing! WOOHOO! He even lifted at the traditional doggie target of a hydrant on Wednesday. I was so excited - I called A to let him know!

I wish I could speak Dog...and other thoughts from the weekend

I really do wish I could speak Dog. I know that our dog understands some English words - like sit, down, off, eat, kisses. He doesn't understand them necessarily in the context of sentences - but say something like "eat" and boy does he understand! When A is home, he gets the dog's dinner for him. The other night, I got up from dinner first and headed upstairs to do something. I came down a bit later and A was rubbing Boomer's belly. He then pretended to eat Boomer's feet. I said "Watch out, Daddy's going to eat your feet." Well - Boomer bounded up and looked at me all happy. Turns out Daddy forgot to feed Boomer. He knew that word - and he was ready. I wish I could ask him why he does stuff - like walk through leaf piles. I also wish I could understand why a yappy little dog can set him off, but not the big dogs. I also would like to talk to those yappy little dogs and say "Do you really think you can take the BoomDoggie? I don't think so!" I can talk to the owners of the little yappy dogs. I should. I would like to ask them - why is it that you can't train your dog to be nice? People with little yappy dogs think it's so cute when they get all barky and growly at a big dog. Yeah - real cute. Problem is - my dog doesn't recognize that Fluffy is so small he's a too chomp lunch. My dog hears "I'm tough, I'm coming to get you big guy" and he growls back.
This was not a good sports weekend for my boys in blue - UCONN and the Giants. Both lost - very sad. Next weekend is the last home game for UCONN. It's a noontime start - so we'll be doing a breakfast tailgate. They should win - they had better!
I got a lot done this weekend. The new closet doors are painted. The trim in the bathroom is painted. I had made myself a list. I got everything on it done except for doing laundry. I did not do a speck of laundry. How stupid was that? I could have dumped a load in while doing other stuff. Oh well - guess I'll do it tonight.
I have to talk to the elected boss about some kind of compensation for filling in for the appointed boss. I would love it if they gave me a bonus. That might mean we could replace a bunch of windows in the spring.
Okay - will sign off now. I plan to spend the rest of my lunch hour determining if we should stay with our current bank - Bank of America or switch and maybe move my IRA from Morgan Stanley at the same time. Fun stuff - not really, but it is right up my alley.

Election Day

This time tomorrow, I may have a new boss. I hope not. This is not the area in which I like to see change. The challenger is nice enough and if he wins, I'll have no problem working with him. But - the incumbent is already broken in. We know what we have with her. We know how she works, her strengths, weaknesses, hot buttons, etc. If the challenger comes in, we have to learn all that stuff with him. You also never really know if the new boss will truly be a leader or if you'll be propping him or her up. The thing we always have to remember is that we work for the Town, not the politician. If the politician is a weak administrator, then we do what is necessary to get things done. Making sure that the Town continues to function and function well.

And That's Another UCONN Great Win!

My title is a little take-off on something that UCONN football fans do - kind of cheesy - but it's our thing. So - whenever UCONN makes a first down - the announcer says "And that's another UCONN..." and the crowd says "First Down". Yeah - cheesy, corny, whatever. WE BEAT RUTGERS! Okay - there can be no let down next week against Cincinatti or the following week against Syracuse. Then - Thanksgiving Day weekend - if we beat Cincy and Syracuse - we'll be playing West Virginia for the Big East Title. Realistically, we should be able to win the next two, but I doubt we can beat West Virginia. It has been an awesome season so far though.

Untitled

I can't think of a good title for this post. Maybe it will come to me. Jeopardy just finished. I watch it regularly. So often I see the answers and I could run through the categories and win a ton of money. I don't do too well with the literature stuff. I would have bombed on today's Final Jeopardy. I really think I would do well on average. It really is all in the luck of the draw - which categories show up on your day. I took the test online once. That thing is freakin' hard! I don't quite get how some of these people pass it and then do so horribly on the show. Really. I would do so much better. I need to get on Jeopardy. I would totally rock at Wheel of Fortune too. I don't watch that one as much - but I'm good at it. And I would never buy a vowel. Total waste of money if you ask me.

Go UCONN! Goodbye A-Rod! Old beaus and hearses...

Before I get into what I planned to post about - I had a weird experience today. I just got back from a lunch-time walk. While walking on this one street next to a cemetery, a car and the person asked me for directions. It wasn't just any car though - it was a hearse. Ewwww. EW EW EW. I think the driver was the only occupant - but still - EWWWWW.

So anyway - awesome game for UCONN. They beat South Florida. This was a big win for them. It was exciting. We had a great tailgate before the game. Then we sat indoors with some friends, rather than in our usual seats. On the way in, I saw this guy who was either an ex-boyfriend or the ex-boyfriend's twin brother. He really is a twin. So I went up to him and said "Are you Tom or Paul?" It was Tom, the one I dated. He's aged - really aged. And let me say - he was a bit of a shit when we dated. And to look at him - and then to look back at my husband - wow! Did I make out! I look at A's face - and I just love to look at it - I could look at him all day long. Tom - eh. So - anyway - the rain helped UCONN. USF was ranked way higher - had been #2 a couple of weeks ago. Most of the game, UCONN was clearly better. Towards the end, USF started coming back. There were a couple of 3rd downs where it was important for UCONN to hold. When you are outside in the seats - you get up on 3rd downs and make noise - anything to disrupt the other team's offense. People in the club seats don't normally do it - after all - the team can't hear them. Well - late in the game on USF's last drive - I couldn't take it anymore. It's 3rd down - I have to get up. So I did - and so did a whole bunch of the people in our section. It was awesome! After UCONN won - the players went to the student section and gestured to the kids to come down on the field. They did - the poor security guards couldn't stop them. It was incredible - just incredible. We're going to a bowl baby! And it won't be Detroit this time. (At least I hope not.)

Okay - on to A-Rod. Good riddance. You don't want to be a Yankee - fine. He's so full of hot air. He is not worth $30m until age 45. And he and his agent showed a total lack of class in his announcement. Yeah - I'm no fan of the Red Sox. I admit that baseball was a hell of a lot more fun when the curse was on and they found innumerable ways to win in the playoffs or World Series. But hey - they were clearly on their way to winning the World Series last night. Couldn't A-Rod's announcement have waited a day? He had 10 days after the end of the Series to decide to opt out of his contract. What a jerk. Mr. September. Yup - MVP in the regular season, DUD in the post-season. I would love nothing more than to win the World Series next year - sans A-Rod.

Friends are amazing

I've had the opportunity in the last two days to see friendship at work in two amazing ways.
First - my friends. After my last post, I have received several supportive e-mails from friends. Some of these friends I've never actually met "in real life" as they say. They are women that post on the same board I do and who have shared similar experiences. I can not begin to express what their support and friendship means to me. Thank you ladies. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are amazing women. I am blessed to know you.

The second opportunity was with my husband and his friends - firemen of course. A got a call last night saying that his friend PK was missing. PK is a reliable guy. He left his local volley house to go to his job as captain of a boat early yesterday morning. He was to be present at a dinner his boss was hosting on the boat that night. The boss called the firehouse looking for him. PK wasn't there. The guys mobilized. One went to the marina locally to hunt for him. A & another guy went off to a marina he worked at in a nearby city. They were calling his cell phone regularly, driving around town looking for him. They even had me call the cops to see if he was sitting in the police station. It was scary - but amazing to see how these men got together and said - our friend is missing, we're going to do whatever we can to find him. They found him later in the evening. He's okay.

So - friends are amazing. Thank God for them.

What to call it?

What do you call it when someone else has good news and you don't hate them for it - but you are so jealous because you want what they have that you can't feel happy for them? I felt like I was at such a turning point in my recovery from my 2nd miscarriage when a year or so ago, a friend told me she was pregnant and I was happy for her. Lately, the pregnancy announcements just keep coming. There are several women I know struggling with infertility, but the last two announcements just have really gotten me down. I think it's partly because lately, it's women who are approaching 40 or are already there and/or have struggled to get pregnant. Basically - they are where I'm at - but now I'm feeling more alone. It's so much so that I think I need to take a break. I can't deal with the announcements much more. The odds of me ever becoming pregnant without the use of donor eggs - an expense we can not afford - are miniscule. Adoption isn't much of a shot either because of the cost - we just can't afford it and A is unwilling to accept financial assistance from a family member. So, I've got to adjust myself to life without children. Sometimes I think I am doing so well. I lavish all that love a child would get on a stupid dog. I try to think about what we can buy, how we can travel, etc if we don't have kids. Then I see a baby or a baby picture and I know I have not reached acceptance. I don't know if I ever will. That scares me.

drive by post

I love this weather. Well - I hate trying to pick out what to wear for work in this weather - you know - summer temps during the fall - what to wear. But - I love this weather. I love this time of year. The leaves are turning. The acorns are falling to the ground. Am I nuts that I love to crunch over those when I walk? I love kicking through leaves. If we had enough leaves in our yard to make a pile, I would seriously jump in the pile. I just loved doing that as a kid. I went for a walk on my lunch hour - listened to music I enjoy on the ipod, breathed in the great fresh air, marvelled at the colors on the trees - just a perfect day. If only I didn't have to go back to work! This would be a great day to play golf!

Where am I on my life list? I'll have to pick up the number later - but here's my latest addition - Drive across the mid-west. I think it must be such a beautiful area.

Mother Nature Sucks

We had flooding in the town I work for last night. One business district got 4 feet of water. Businesses are devastated. Yeah - it's not on the magnitude of Hurricane Katrina, but it still sucks. Just saying.

Random stuff

If you are in the left turn only lane, do you really need to turn on your blinker?

Do you walk to the right - like we drive to the right? If you were in England, would you walk to the left?

Why does my dog always go bop his nose on his leash and the bag of poopie bags when I'm filling his food dish?

Don't you hate it when you, a normally responsible person, screw up and you want to blame it on someone else - anyone else - but you really can't because it was your responsibility in the first place? Don't you hate it more when someone else does that?

What do you do when your brand new Bic that is supposed to write first time, every time, fails after the first time?

Can Superballs lose their mojo?

I Love....

...my husband. I'm not one for thinking that there is a grand life plan someone made up for me - but in this instance I might be persauded. We fit together so well. I can't imagine anyone else being the right match for me. When it all came together, it was just so right and I knew it from the start. It must have been a grand plan. Thank you to the planner!

....my dog. How could I not love that little face! He's 70 pounds of love. Seeing his tail wag, or hearing it thump against the floor is such a happy thing. Even when he's a pita, I love him.

....fall. The air is so crisp and clean. It's football season. The leaves on the trees are turning beautiful colors. I even love fall clothing.

....the Yankees, the Giants and UCONN. Go teams Go.

....chocolate. No explanation needed I should think.

....my dining room. I just love the colors we chose, the furniture. (Well okay maybe not the bookcase, but that won't be there forever.)

....my life. Sure, it's not perfect - but it's damn good.

Don't Block the Box!

Don't Block the box! This is one of my driving complaints. It annoys the heck out of me when people block intersections. If you can't get through the intersection on a green light, don't enter it. It's a way of saying "I'm more important than you are." Such people don't care that because they've blocked the box, now someone with a green light can not enter or pass through an intersection.

Don't Cheat on lanes! I can't stand people who think that their need to get ahead is so important that they make left-hand turns from the center lane - which is for going straight ahead. Other cheaters are the ones who come up from the a different lane and sneak into the turning lane at the last second - all to avoid waiting in the line of traffice in the turning lane. My last category of lane cheaters are on the highway, when there is a slow down in traffic and they drive in the breakdown lane. I know this is legal in some areas. It is not legal where I drive. And it's cheating.

Don't get in the left lane if you don't plan to keep up with the flow! Need I explain? My exception to this rule is if you move over temporarily to pass someone. But don't stay if you're not going to go with the flow. I'm not asking you to speed - just to go with the flow(recognizing that that may involve speeding).

Happy Thoughts for the Day - happy, happier and happiest....
Happy - The Yankees made the playoffs.
Happier - The Mets did not.
Happiest - The Giants beat the Eagles.